Zaroorat
Chapter 1: Uljhan aur Ummeed

Naina Agarwal loved everything about monsoon, the rains, the smell of wet earth, the luster of leaves and flowers, the sight of kids playing in puddles. And what could be better than a Sunday morning that had started with gentle drizzles. The lack of sunlight didn’t bother her. She knew there would be hot pakodas for breakfast today, because she would ask Chachiji to prepare them. Rains always called for hot cup of tea and pakodas. It also called for snuggling in blanket, reading books, squabbling with her sister, and dreaming of romance. Oh yes… The thought of romance did remind her that one thing or rather one person that could make this weather even better was Sameer Maheshwari… Her boyfriend.

The relationship that had started with a misunderstanding in school had slowly flourished with love, trust and understanding. And now most of the times they didn’t even need words to understand each other. The emotional understanding they shared was something Naina had never expected to have in her life. The way Sameer understood her was so comforting, the way he always tried to give her priority was endearing, and his love for her was so strong that sometimes she felt she would be totally swept by it. She still remembered the first time ever he had held her hand after their love confession. Circumstances had dropped her in mud, once again humiliating her in public, but he had been there for her… not caring about the mud he had held her hand and pulled her out. Their separation after Nanu’s death had only strengthened their relationship. It hadn’t mattered that he was in Delhi and she in Ahmedabad, their bond had deepened with letters and late night phone calls. It wasn’t like they didn’t quarrel… of course they did. Sameer had an impressive temper, and she had never stayed quiet in-front of him, so yes… they had their share of quarrels, but then they soon gravitated towards each other like two magnets which could not be separated. Just last month they had had their most recent squabble when Sameer had asked her out on a dinner date and she had refused because she couldn’t stay out late. Angry at her refusal, he had said she didn’t care for his needs and emotions which had naturally flared her own temper, and she had stated he never understood the complications she faced at home.

“Pyaar kiya hai toh himmat bhi honi chahiye”, he had yelled, “kab tak gharwalo se, duniya se darti rahogi aur mujhe nazarandaaz karti rahogi.”

His words had pinched her and forced her to think if she had indeed been ignoring him. For two days they hadn’t talked to each other, and all that time she had kept thinking about how his demands had changed in college from simple handhold to hugs and kisses, and how she had kept refusing all the time; how he always wanted her to sit on his bike but she kept hesitating afraid that someone would recognize her and then her family would get to know. She had no idea what to do, how to deal with the situation, but all she had known was that she couldn’t stay without talking to Sameer. And so she had cornered him in an empty classroom, and when even after her repeated attempts of persuading him, he hadn’t relented, she had thrown caution to winds and hugged him. He had stilled completely, not even drawing in a breath for a full minute, and then slowly separated her from himself, and asked, “tumko pata hai tum kya kar rahi ho?” When she had nodded in a yes, and said that she loved him a lot, he had dragged in a deep breath and pulled her in a tight hug. The bliss she had experienced in that moment was incomparable, but even though she was tempted to hug him again she had felt shy. However, Sameer’s demands had increased more and more…

The rains increased a bit more, and she smiled, thinking that maybe she could hug him tomorrow in college. He would be overjoyed, and if it was raining in that moment it would be perfect… The cold winds, rains, and his warmth surrounding her. She sighed, the scenario of dreamy romance pleasing her. But what about the kiss he had been demanding? Could she really let him kiss her hands or could she kiss his cheek like he asked for? The slight stubble he had been keeping since a few months did tempt her to touch and feel… How would it feel against her lips? She shivered at the unexplainable imagination, and closed her eyes, blushing just at that thought.

At the other end Sameer was occupied in his own world oblivious that his girlfriend was having such tempting thoughts about him. Munna and Pandit had arrived to spend the whole day with him, and he was overjoyed because he had his own plans. Monday was an important day after all. Plans for full day were made and he thought of calling Naina once before leaving but then refrained because he knew her entire family would be at home on Sunday. Plus it was raining… He knew his Naina would select a nook in the house and curl up to read some book; he just hoped she thought of him too and his demands.

However what had started as a pleasant day turned into a catastrophe in afternoon as Taiji announced just before lunch that a family was coming to see Naina for marriage. It seemed that Tauji and Taiji had already discussed this with her father because he didn’t raise any objections. Chachaji asked a few questions but was soon subdued by his older brothers. Naina got up and ran inside her room, followed by Preeti, both of them tensed at this new problem.

Soon Bela came inside, and Naina pleaded, “Chachiji please… main abhi shaadi nahi karna chahti kisise. Aap Chachaji se baat karke mana kar dijiye.”

Preeti added, “haan mummy… hum dono toh college me hai ab tak toh phir aisa kyun kar rahe hai Naina ke saath.”

Bela clucked her tongue, disregarding the college topic, and said, “bhagwaan jhuth na bulaye beta… sirf milne ko hi toh bol rahe hai. Konsa teri shaadi karwa rahe hai? Darasal woh ladke ke pitaji bade bhaisaab ke dost hai. Aur woh log Mumbai me rehte hai… idhar sirf do-teen din ke liye hi hai… isiliye abhi milna chahte hai.”

Naina almost wailed, “par mujhse kyun?”

“Samaj me aise shaadi ki baate chalti rehti hai beta”, Bela explained, “aur teri umar ho gai hai na shaadi ke layak. Toh rishte toh aayenge hi.”

“Mujhe nahi milna”, Naina pleaded, “aise kaise main kisise bhi mil sakti hun…”

However her pleading fell on deaf ears as Tauji had already said yes for the meeting. Desperate for a way out she kept looking for opportunities to call Sameer, and finally she had a five minute window where she tried calling him repeatedly without any success. Frustrated she almost threw the receiver down, “koi utha nahi raha… Pata nahi kahan gaya.”

Preeti tried to calm her sister down, “koi baat nahi yaar… Sunday hai na toh kahin bahar gaye honge jijaji. Tu itna tension kyun le rahi hai. Mummy ne bola na… bas milna hi toh hai… konsi shaadi hone wali hai…”

Naina wrung her hands, “tu samajh nahi rahi Preeti… main Sameer ko jaanti hun. Agar main shaadi ki baat ke liye kisise mili aur use pata chal gaya toh use bahot dukh hoga.”

“Toh fir phone mat kar na”, Preeti suggested, “yahan pe mil le ladke se toh parivaar wale khush, aur jijaji ko nahi batayegi toh woh bhi khush.”

Naina shook her head, “nahi… main Sameer se jhooth nahi bol sakti. Uska sab kuch janna zaroori hai.”

The whole time Bela and Preeti helped her get ready, she had tears in her eyes, because all she could think of was how Sameer would feel when he got to know. She wished there was a way she could talk to him, then maybe he could have assured her that she was doing the right thing for now and he would take care of everything, he would take care of her. She always felt so… relieved… whenever he would hold her hand and assure that he was with her. Why wasn’t he here now? Why couldn’t he feel that she needed him?

The evening was a torture for Naina as she was forced to sit dressed up in a blue saree with pallu over her head and answer questions docilely. She wanted to scream, to break things, to declare that she loved Sameer… But just for her family she sat and tolerated. She smiled when instructed to, she answered what was asked, she kept her eyes lowered as per norm, she listened to her qualities being dissected over tea… However the blood in her veins turned cold when she was asked to go in the room with the boy and talk. Sharad – that was his name… And she wanted to shout that the only name with S on her hands would belong to Sameer. She didn’t even pay attention to what Sharad kept talking about in the room, all she heard were a few words like ‘boss’, ‘office, ‘promotion’ and his tone of voice kept irritating her. Finally there was a knock on the door, and Sharad concluded the monologue with, “achcha hua tum kam bolti ho… Ladkiyo ko waise bhi chup rehna chahiye. Sar jhukake pati ki baat maan leni chahiye.”

Naina still kept her head lowered, but anger flashed in her raised eyes, as she muttered, “Sameer se baat ho gai hoti toh dikhati ke yeh ladki kya kar sakti hai.”

Sharad turned with a confused expression, “kuch kaha kya tumne?”

Naina immediately glanced down and meekly shook her head hoping that he would find her so boring that even the thought of spending an hour with her would seem like a torture. What she missed because of that was the way his eyes raked over her from top to bottom.

That night she kept waiting in her room for Sameer’s call, but she had no idea that Sameer and his friends had actually pulled out a bottle of whisky and were dancing on loud celebratory music as they slowly got drunk. Around midnight Naina tried calling him, wondering why he had not talked to her for the whole day, and also bit worried. They didn’t talk much usually on Sunday but he called at least once, and even if they couldn’t talk she would pretend it was a wrong number. But today there was no call from him and it bothered her…

********************

Next day dawned bright and clear, with no hint of rain but while it made several ladies happy as they could hang the washed clothes to dry, Naina wasn’t in any mood to cheer… She didn’t know why there was a melancholic feeling in her heart. She felt as if something bad was about to happen. She was tensed during the ride to college, and Preeti suggested her to calm down, “jijaji gussa nahi karenge Naina… Itni fikar mat kar.”

However she couldn’t stop herself from worrying though she didn’t know what she was worried about. Yesterday had passed, the event was over… No one had asked her anything at home so she was sure that the matter was in the past. The only thing that was pending was for her to tell Sameer about it, and she knew that even if he got angry on her it was okay, because if he had met any girl for marriage then she too would have been angry. But she also knew that he couldn’t stay angry on her for a long time because he loved her so much. He would rage, complain, scold her, threaten her to not talk, but a single drop of tear in her eyes was enough to make him forget everything and quickly assure her of his love. She knew all this but still she kept feeling uneasy.

As soon as she reached college, she looked for Sameer, but he was nowhere to be seen. Neither he, nor Munna and Pandit were in college. Swati came over but she also said that she had no idea where the boys were. Naina kept waiting, her attention more on the classroom door than on the lectures but Sameer didn’t arrive.

While Naina kept waiting in college Sameer had finally woken up around 11am because of the bright sunlight that fell straight on his face. He blinked, rubbing his eyes and looked around at this friends sprawled on the bed. Yawning, he checked the time, and gasped, “oh no… itna late ho gaya… Naina wait kar rahi hogi.”

He shook and kicked his friends to wake them up, and then rushed to take a quick shower. His head spun because of whisky, and he felt slightly pukish. There was no way he could attend any classes today, and he didn’t want to… He just wanted to go to college and somehow convince Naina to bunk classes and come with him. A date… He knew she would refuse, but today he was sure he would convince her. Today was the perfect day for a date and for his plan. Keeping her smile and a previous confession in mind he wore his blue t-shirt with white jeans and white jacket. Munna and Pandit also took a bath but wore the same shirts as yesterday because they just wanted to give Sameer company until college and then leave for home. Sameer was tempted to take a medicine for headache, but he didn’t, he thought that could be an excuse to convince Naina to come out with him. After all what was a headache in-front of the plan he had…

In the meantime at college, break time had started and Naina was now totally convinced that something was wrong. Sameer never skipped their Monday temple dates, yet he hadn’t been there today… Also, he would never skip college without informing her. What if he was unwell and she didn’t know? It was possible… He stayed alone; Ramdhari would have been on leave yesterday. Was he so sick that he couldn’t even get to the phone? Add to that Munna and Pandit were also not in college, which meant something had surely happened. Her own worries took the backseat for the meantime and she decided, for the first time in her life, to bunk classes and go to see Sameer. Preeti and Swati decided to accompany her, because they were also worried about the boys, and also Naina was so distraught that they thought it might not be advisable to let her go alone. However, just as the girls reached the college gates, a white Maruti car drew up and Naina immediately recognized it as her father’s car… The car Arjun bhaiya had won in cricket match, all because of Sameer. She immediately stopped the other girls from stepping out, “ruko… Papa ki car hai yeh.”

The girls watch in apprehension as the door opened, and Arjun descended. He saw the girls and grinned, addressing his sister, “Naina… Main tujhse milne hi aa raha tha.”

Naina was puzzled, “kya hua bhaiya? Ghar pe sab theek hai na?”

“Haan haan”, Arjun grinned, “baat toh khushi ki hai. Mujhe papa ne bheja tujhe batane ke liye ke Sharad ne aur uske gharwalo ne tujhe pasand kar liya hai. Aur aane wale ravivaar ko roka hai tera.”

Preeti and Swati gasped in shock, but Naina couldn’t even muster any reaction. She just felt as if her energy, her life, the very blood in her veins was draining out of her body. Her hand reached out for some support and found Preeti’s hand. It wasn’t enough… Just then a bike passed on the road, and the driver honked twice. Naina knew it wasn’t Sameer, but still the sound seemed to give her some courage and sanity. She tried to keep her tone firm as she said, “yeh roka nahi ho sakta… maine iss rishte ke liye haan nahi bola.”

Arjun scoffed, “tujhse pucha kisne hai… Gharwalo ko rishta manzoor hai. Tauji ke pehchaanwale hai, Papa ko bhi ladka pasand hai… Keh rahe the sarkari naukri hai. Aur Chachaji ko bhi koi apatti nahi hai.”

“Par meri marzi ka kya”, Naina tried to object, “meri shaadi me meri marzi bhi hogi na.”

Arjun now frowned, impatient with the arguments, “tu zyada dimag mat laga. Ladki hai, ladki ki tarah reh. Mujhe pata hai tu ab tak Sameer ke sapne dekhti hogi… par woh rishta toh hone se raha. Teri bhalai isime hai ke tu chup-chap Sharad ke rishte ko maan le.”

Having said what he wanted to Arjun left from there, but Naina collapsed on her knees, her eyes filling with tears. She had started trembling now… Why was this happening with her? What should she do? She couldn’t live without Sameer… Never. And how could she marry someone else? Just the thought of being away from Sameer was enough to kill her. She had hated the few moments she had had to spend in the room with Sharad… She simply couldn’t bear anyone else apart from Sameer to come close to her. Sameer… Sameer… Sameer… that was all she could keep thinking of… She needed to talk to him… Now…

She struggled to her feet, “mujhe Sameer se baat karni hai.”

Swati suggested, “paas ke PCO se phone karke dekhte hai.”

The girls rushed to the PCO, and Naina dialed the number with shaky hands, gripping the receiver tight as soon as the call went through and muttered, “please phone utha lo Sameer… please… please… please… mujhe tumhari zaroorat hai.”

The phone kept ringing, no one picked up… She kept trying again and again with no success. Where was he? What had happened? She dumped the receiver and dashed outside, determined to get an auto. Preeti caught her arm, “kahan jaa rahi hai?”

“Sameer ke ghar”, Naina replied, “woh phone nahi utha raha kal se… Kuch toh hua hai use. Mujhe fikar ho rahi hai.”

At a signal from Preeti, Swati also caught her hand, stopping her. As Naina struggled feebly, Preeti pulled her back, “Naina ruk jaa… apni haalat dekh… ro rahi hai… pura sharir kaanp raha hai. Aisi haalat me tu wahan nahi jaa sakti akele. College ke baad hum sab challenge.”

Naina shook her head, “nahi…” But whatever she was about to say, remained unspoken as her head suddenly spun. Preeti and Swati somehow managed to bring her inside the college gates once more, and made her sit on a bench in the garden. Swati gave her some water, but she could only manage to take a few sips before she broke down in sobs. This couldn’t be happening to her… Oh God… What would she tell Sameer? How would she ever explain to her family? It was impossible… Her fate had been sealed by her family, and she couldn’t see a way out. Did that mean this was the end of her relationship with Sameer? No… No, please no… She wouldn’t survive without him.

In another ten minutes as Preeti and Swati kept trying to calm down Naina, Sameer entered the college with his friends. And the first thing he heard was a gang of their classmates laughing. A girl said, “seriously? Uska roka tay ho gaya… aisa kaise?”

A boy replied, “sach baat hai… Maine khud suna… Uska bhai aaya tha usko batane.”

“Par uska toh Sameer ke saath chakkar hai na”, another girl stated.

Sameer stiffened at this statement, and his friends frowned. What were they talking about? He thought to ask, but before he could do anything, the same boy once again said, “aree yaar… Sameer ko dekhke tujhe lagta hai woh uss behenji ko bhaav dega? Mujhe toh lagta hai bas aisai ghuma raha tha usko… Ya phir Naina ghuma rahi thi Sameer ko. Warna aise kaise ek hafte me roka tay ho jaata. Shaadi ki baat toh pehle se chal rahi hogi na.”

Roka? Naina? What the heck was happening? Sameer walked over and grabbed the boy by his collar, his eyes red with hangover and anger, “kya bak raha hai tu? Naina ke baare me kuch ulta-seedha bola na toh muh tod dunga.”

The boy was scared, but managed to speak up, “maine kya bola? Sab bol rahe hai… Humne apne kaano se suna hai… Naina ki shaadi tay ho gai hai. Kuch hi dino me roka hai.”

Munna glared at the boy, “bakwaas bandh kar… Naina sirf Sameer se pyaar karti hai… Woh hamari bhabhi hai.”

A girl laughed in an unpleasant way, “bhabhi? Haan… uske honewale pati ko apna bhai bana lo toh yeh ho sakta hai. Kyunki Sameer ka patta toh cut ho chuka hai.”

Pandit fumed, “chup karo tum log…” He managed to pull back Sameer, “yaar tu inko chod… bekar ki baate kar rahe hai. Chal hum bhabhi ko dhundte hai…”

The boys turned away from the group, but their ears rang with a departing taunt, “aree yaar… dekho zara inko… Hume toh lagta tha ke Sameer ek din Naina ko chod dega… Par yahan toh ulta hi ho gaya.”

Sameer stopped, his fists clenched, wanting to punch the boy, but he closed his eyes, forcing himself to calm down… He shouldn’t pay attention to such silly things today. It was such an important day, and once he stood in-front of these people holding Naina’s hand they would shut up on their own. He exhaled and then muttered, “chalo… Naina ko dhundte hai.”

The three boys combed each area of the college – classroom, library, music room, hall, grounds – but she was nowhere to be found. Now just the gardens were left, but Naina never went there alone. Still they rushed outside searching through the big lawns dotted with clusters of students spending the break time. Sameer noticed a flash of pink, a dupatta fluttering in the wind from behind a tree, and smiled… He knew it was his Naina. She must have worn his favorite pink salwar-kameez today. After all she must have also remembered that it was a special day.

He rushed there, followed by Munna and Pandit, and was just about to hail her, when suddenly he overheard something that almost shattered his heart. Naina was telling Preeti, “mujhe bhaiya se Sharad ka number lena hoga… Aaj shaam ko hi usse baat karungi.”

Preeti worriedly added, “par Naina… Roka se pehle baat…”

Naina glared at her, “zaroori hai… Woh samjhega…”

Sameer knew that there was no sound of a broken heart, but he hadn’t anticipated the searing pain that had the capacity to bring him to his knees. But he stood steady… Habituated at being rejected since childhood, he was quick to build the walls around his heart. Moving towards her, he let sarcasm and disgust ring in his voice as he commented, “itni zyada zaroorat hai toh abhi kyun nahi baat kar leti apne honewale pati se?”

Naina gasped, jerking visibly, and turned to look at Sameer. A range of emotions flooded through her in a heartbeat – surprise, relief, happiness, confusion. She stood up, “Sameer… Tum kya bol rahe ho? Kahan the tum kal se?”

He folded his arms, “main kahan tha yeh jaanke kya karogi? Tum kahan thi yeh zyada zaroori hai na…”

She tried to explain, “Sameer main…”

But he interrupted, “kisi Sharad ke saath thi… haina? Agar shaadi kisi aur se karni thi toh mere saath pyaar ka khel kyun khela?”

“Sameer tum pagal ho gaye ho kya?” She snapped, and then tried to calm herself, “dekho… meri baat suno… Kal mujhe ek parivaar shaadi ke liye dekhne aaye the… Sharad uss ladke ka naam hai… Mujhe kuch bhi nahi pata tha… Kal hi sab hua… Aur aaj achanak bhaiya ne bataya ke unn logo ne haan kar di hai aur roka karna chahte hai.”

His eyes narrowed, “woh dekhne aaye aur tumne kya kiya? Gudiya ki tarah saj-savar ke beth gai unke saamne? Roka karna chahte hai bola toh tumne kya kiya? Haan bol diya? Achanak se Sameer ka kissa khatam ho gaya tumhari zindagi se… Pyaar ki badi-badi baate karti thi toh kal kahan gaya tumhara pyaar jab woh ladka tumhe dekh raha hoga. Saree pehni hogi na tumne? Andaaza hai tumko ke ladke kya dekhte hai? Batau uski nazre upar se leke neeche tak kahan kahan ruki hogi? Tumhari kamar toh use saaf saaf nazar aai hogi? Jo dekhne ka haq sirf mera hona chahiye tha woh usne dekha. Tumhe kaisa lagega agar main kisi aur ladki ke saamne apna shirt utaarunga toh?”

Naina gasped, her nails dug in her fisted palms, and she suddenly felt a crawling sensation all over her body just to think that Sharad might have looked at her that way… She hadn’t thought of that… How had she not? It suddenly made her want to go take a bath, scrub herself until the feel of someone apart from Sameer watching her body washed away.

Preeti tried to intervene, “jijaji… ek baar baat toh sun lijiye…”

“Main jijaji nahi raha ab”, he curtly interrupted, “Sameer naam hai mera… Sharad nahi.”

Pandit placed a hand on his shoulder, “bhai kuch galat fehmi hogi… sunn toh le.” Munna also added, “haan yaar… dimag thanda kar apna…”

He however was not in mood to calm down, and sharply retorted, “tum sab log isme mat padho… Yeh mere aur Naina ki beech ki baat hai… Main jaanna chahta hun ke meri ehmiyat itni kam thi iski zindagi me ke isne ek baar bhi nahi socha ke Sameer pe kya guzregi jab use pata chalega? Ulta yeh yahan pe bethke tareeke soch rahi hai Sharad se baat karneka… Aur main dekho kitna bada bewakuf hun… socha aaj ka din khaas hai toh gulaab leke jau apni Naina ke liye.”

Naina stared at the red rose he pulled out from his pocket, and her brows furrowed in confusion. Why would he bring a rose for her today? He let out a sarcastic laugh, “aree yaar… main bhi kahan gulaab dikha raha hun… Tum toh apne naye rishte me aise uljhi ho ke tumhe yaad bhi nahi aaj woh din hai jab hum pehli baar mile the… Aur maine socha ke tumne yeh pink dress mere liye pehna hai… mera favorite jo hai… Par ab aisa nahi lag raha… Sharad ko bhi pink pasand hai kya?”

She grabbed her dupatta, trying to control her disappointment and her anger, “chup karo Sameer… kuch bhi bole jaa rahe ho… Itna bura lag raha hai toh yeh batao kal kahan the tum poore din? Jab mujhe tumhari zaroorat thi tum nahi the… Maine kitni baar tumhe call karne ki koshish ki… Par tum toh gayab hi the…”

He argued, his anger spilling over, “maine ek din baat nahi ki toh tum kisi aur se shaadi karne ke liye haan bol dogi? Yeh kaisa pyaar hai tumhara? Gharwalo ne kaha toh bol deti unko ke tum mujhse pyaar karti ho… Par nahi… Tumme itni himmat kaha hogi ke apne pyaar ka paksh rakh sako. Jab tak baat chup-chupke pyaar karneki ho tabhi tumhari himmat hoti hai. Logo ke saamne toh fat ti hai tumhari. Aaj tak bike pe bethti ho toh hamare beech me bag rakhti ho… Haath tak pakadne nahi deti kisike saamne… Hug ya kiss maangu toh mujhe lecture deti ho… Hadh, maryada, parivaar ki izzat, inn sab cheezo ka dhyan rehta hai tumko, par pyaar ka zara bhi dhyan nahi rehta. Aree tum kya apne gharwalo ko bologi ke tum mujhse pyaar karti ho, tum toh school me apne papa ke saamne yeh tak nahi bol paai thi ke tum mujhe apni marzi se padha rahi ho… Maine tumse pyaar kiya toh tumhe apna sab kuch bana liya par tumne toh apne papa ki izzat bachane ke liye mujhe mere hi mummy ke saamne chor bana diya… Sach toh yeh hai ke naa main kabhi tumhari zaroorat tha aur naa hi priority… Isiliye Sameer ko Sharad se badalna itna asaan tha…”

Naina almost staggered back in shock, unable to believe what he was saying. Did he even hear his own words? Did he realize what he had said? Did he really believe all that? How could he doubt her love? How could he think that she had done all this willingly? She wanted to justify, to explain, to hold his hand and calm him down, make him listen to her. But the torment she had been suffering since yesterday, his absence and now his words made her pain transform into rage… And she countered in an equally loud voice, “haan hain mujhe apne parivaar ki fikar… parivaar ke maan ki, unke izzat ki, uss maryada ki fikar… Par agar meri yeh baate tumhe itni hi buri lagti hai toh kyun rehte ho tum mere saath? Main itni kharaab hun toh shayad mujhe sach me tumhe bhulaake Sharad se shaadi kar leni chahiye… Kamsekam mera parivaar toh khush rahega… Aur rahi baat meri khushi ki, toh kya pata aage chalke shayad Sharad hi mere liye sahi ho… Kamsekam usme tumhare jaisa gussa toh nahi hoga, aur shayad woh bolne se pehle sochega. Aur haan… tum mere liye aaj gulaab leke aaye ho na, mujhe khush karne ke liye, par shayad achcha hota agar tum apne dosto se kehte ke kapde badal le, toh shayad mujhe pata nahi chalta ke kal raat ko mujhse baat karne se zyada zaroori tumhare liye apne dosto ke saath sharab peena tha…”

Sameer glared at her, crushing the rose in his fist, and threw it down with a derisive sound. She blinked back the tears in her eyes, and walked away from there, unknowingly stepping on the rose as she passed by him. Preeti and Swati immediately rushed after Naina. He glanced down at the smashed rose, and drew in a shuddering breath, finally giving in to his tears and collapsed on the bench she had occupied. Munna and Pandit tried to calm him down but they knew it was impossible to do so… Only Naina could have achieved that feat and she was no longer with him.

After an hour or so Sameer finally made his way back home with Munna and Pandit. His friends apologized for not changing clothes because of which Naina could smell the alcohol. They kept talking about how there had to be some misunderstanding and Naina couldn’t leave him… But he was completely numb, and couldn’t even think of any way where it could be a misunderstanding. Hadn’t she said that she had met that boy? Hadn’t she said that she had known about her family wanting to get her married? Hadn’t he heard her saying that she needed to talk to Sharad? How could she do this to him? What was he supposed to do now?

As soon as he reached home, he locked himself inside Nanu’s room and sat down in front of his photo. The tears were unstoppable, the pain unbearable. He looked at the kind face of his grandfather, wishing he was there with him, and said, “aisa kyun hota hai Nanu? Hamesha main hi kyun akela reh jaata hun? Pehle papa chale gaye, phir mummy ne mujhe chod diya… Aapka saath tha par aap bhi ek din chale gaye. Aapne kaha tha Naina mujhe sambhalegi par dekhiye na… aaj woh bhi mujhe chodke chali gai. Kya main itna bura hun Nanu ke koi mujhse pyaar nahi kar sakta? Maine aisi konsi galti ki hai ke main hamesha akela ho jaata hun? Naina ne aisa kyun kiya Nanu? Mujhe pyaar karna sikhake mujhe akela chod diya… Ab main kya karu? Kaise rahu uske bina? Main toh roz yeh sochta tha ke kal kya karunga Naina ke saath, kaise use hasaunga, kaise use pareshaan karunga, kaise uske saath waqt bitaunga… Ab aaj main kya sochu? Kal main kya karunga? Aap kyun nahi ho mere saath Nanu? Please wapas aa jao… mujhe aapki zaroorat hai aaj… Please Nanu… Please…”

Nanu didn’t reply, and neither did he come back to console Sameer. He folded his legs up, and hid his face, not even trying to control the sound of his sobs. His friends stood at the door, trying to persuade him to let them in, but slowly their voices faded… Sheer mental exhaustion made him topple over and fall asleep, unaware of the storm that was about to create a havoc in Naina’s life.

Around 9pm that night, he finally woke up, and once again looked at Nanu’s photograph. Even in the few hours of sleep, he had dreamt of Naina, of his life with her, of happiness, of love… But now as he sat with his eyes open he realized that it was only going to remain a dream. Naina was gone from his life… She would never come back now. He shouldn’t be dreaming of her… He should stop loving her… He didn’t know how would he manage to do that, but he had understood what he needed to do now. In his happiness with Naina, he had forgotten that Nanu had asked for one more thing from him. Nanu had asked him to become his son, to become Sameer Jaiprakash Maheshwari and handle the responsibilities he used to handle. He had left everything on Munshiji for now, focusing on college and Naina, but now he knew that this would be the support he needed to forget Naina. He was in this condition now because his entire world had revolved around Naina, while for her it had been divided into her family and him, his share being the smallest one. That was why she could talk about getting married to someone else… That was why she hadn’t collapsed at the thought of living without him… Now he too needed to divert his attention somewhere else, and that would be Nanu’s business. It wasn’t normal to handle business along with college, but then nothing in his life had ever been normal. He needed one day… just one day to gather her memories and shut them up in a corner where he could never see them. Tomorrow morning he would do that, and then in evening he would talk to Munshiji. He stood up and met Nanu’s gaze in the photograph, “I am sorry Nanu… main Naina ko apne zindagi me, iss ghar me nahi laa saka. Par main waada karta hun ke aapki dusri ichcha zaroor poori karunga… Main Sameer Jaiprakash Maheshwari banke dikhaunga…”

Munna and Pandit were waiting for him when he went outside the room, and they immediately started bombarding him with questions. He held up his hand to stop them, and assured, “main theek hun ab… Jitna rona tha ro liya… Ab nahi rounga. Mujhe pata hai mujhe kya karna hai. Tum log abhi ghar jao…”

Munna slowly asked, “aur Naina?”

“Guzra hua kal hai”, he firmly replied, “aane wala kal mere Nanu ka sapna hai jo mujhe poora karna hai. Aur uss raaste pe ab Naina mere saath nahi hai.”

His friends didn’t know how to deal with him, and after a few more attempts to talk about Naina which he totally ignored they decided to leave for the night. Sameer locked the door, and went up to his room… Immediately his eyes were drawn towards the photo near his bed… Naina’s photo from Mt. Abu trip… He swallowed his bubbling emotions and forced himself to walk over, pick up the photo, and push it inside the drawer face down where he couldn’t see the smile that would no longer light up his life. The sound of loud thunder distracted him, and he went to the window, letting the spray of icy cold rain hide his tears. He willingly welcomed the chill of monsoon, unaware that a few kilometers away someone else was bearing the same just for him and the emotions he was trying to forget.

********************

Next day Sameer woke up earlier than usual and blinked his eyes trying to think why he felt so groggy. In just a minute however yesterday’s incident washed over him and he felt tears brimming in his eyes. “Naina…”, the name left his lips in a shuddering sigh, and it seemed to have reached the girl cuddled on the cold floor, because she too woke up just then with his name on her lips.

Sameer wiped his unshed tears, controlling himself, and stood up to begin his day. He took a bath, then grabbed a bag, and started to go around the room scouting for anything that was related to Naina and dumped them inside the bag. He couldn’t bring himself to discard them, but he kept them in a corner in the cupboard, determined to never look at them. Munna and Pandit arrived just in time to leave for college, but he sent them away saying he needed one more day alone before he was prepared to face the world. By afternoon he had a timeline and plan written in a notebook, which was quite unusual for him… He looked at the pages and thought it was Naina’s habit to make such detailed timetables and schedule. But then he shook his head… He shouldn’t be thinking about her. If he had to be successful then he needed to do all these things which were unlike the older Sameer Maheshwari. His new life was starting today, with new habits and new changes.

It had started to rain again, and the winds blew the curtain, bringing in cool droplets of water inside. He closed the journal he had been writing in, and walked up to the window, extending his hand outside to feel the rain… His attention was caught by the red thread around his wrist, and his mind slipped into flashback…

Few weeks ago he had been sitting on a bench in college garden, grumpy, because Naina was late for college. She had arrived soon however, and sat beside him, holding his hand. He had tried to tug his hand half-heartedly, “chodo mujhe… ek toh late aati ho aur haath pakadti ho manane ke liye.”

She had flashed a charming smile, “sorry na… main mandir gai thi na isiliye der ho gai.”

“Mandir hum somvaar ko jaate hai”, he had argued.

She had taken his hand, and tied a red thread around his wrist, “jaanti hun… par aaj khaas puja thi toh panditji se tumhare liye yeh mouli lene gai thi. Ab mere Sameer pe kabhi koi buri nazar nahi padegi.”

His anger had disappeared at her caring thoughts, and he had pulled her in a tight hug, not leaving her until she had squirmed and squealed that they were in the garden.

The memory had brought a smile on his face, but as the thunder clapped in the sky, he came back to the present with a jerk… The smile turned to a scowl, and he glared at the red thread, extending his other hand to take it off. He had just touched it, when a soft voice made him pause, “Sameer…”