Kulfi Girl
Chapter 3: The Days of Change

15 years and 19 years

College… The term rolled off her tongue with slight distaste because this was what was distancing Sameer from her. After that night last year when she had cried his heart out to him he had stopped meeting her on terrace. And sometimes when she would spot him there, he would talk to her for maximum ten minutes, never crossing over to her terrace or sharing the mat with her. When she had managed to find an opportunity to ask him he had said that he was preparing for his 12^th board exams and couldn’t afford to stay up until late. She had accepted his excuse, determined to support him. But when he had ditched those visits even after boards, during vacation she had been distressed. Once more she had asked and he had said he needed to prepare for college as well. And then one day she spotted him coming home with a gang of people, all of similar age as him, and the group included boys and girls both. One particular girl, she noticed, tended to stick to him whenever she got the chance. Naina didn’t like it… She had no idea why, but she didn’t. Without thinking much she rushed out to talk to him, and he reluctantly returned her greeting. That girl asked him about her identity, and to her chagrin Sameer introduced her as his neighbor, not a friend. Trying to control her anger Naina thrust a flat tiffin box in his hand and informed, “tumhare padosi ne diya hai…”

Later that night Sameer came up on terrace and apologized, “sorry kulfi girl… tum ekdum se aa gayi toh mujhe samajh nahi aaya how to introduce you.”

She scoffed, “right… dost bolne me zubaan jal rahi thi na.”

He shuffled his foot, “Naina, woh sab mere school friends hai… I mean… think about it… kaisa lagega agar main bolunga ke tum meri dost ho… ek chote bachche se dosti kaun karta hai.”

“Oh really”, her eyes flashed, “toh phir abhi kyun aaye ho maafi maangne?”

He sighed, “tumne woh tiffin box diya tha na… Maine khaya dinner me… Alu ke parathe bahot achche bane the… Tumne banaye na?”

She nodded, “haan… pehli baar… and excitement me raha nahi gaya kyunki tumhari favorite dish banai thi aur sabse pehle tumhe dena chahti thi… but I forgot… Sameer Maheshwari ke toh bade-bade friends hai…”

He was frustrated, “shut up kulfi girl… don’t make it more difficult… dekho… tumhare bhi 10^th boards hai and phir 11^th-12^th ke liye scholarship exams toh tumko padhai pe focus karna chahiye… mere college admissions shuru ho gaye hai and main bahot busy rahunga, toh yeh dosti-dosti ka game nahi khel sakte.”

She grabbed the chocolate she had brought and threw it on him, “fine… aaj se hum dost nahi hai… yeh rahi chocolate… main laai toh thi tumhe sorry bolne ke tumhe tumhare friends ke saamne awkward situation me daala, par ab yeh samajh lena ke tumhara saalo pehle diya hua chocolate return kar rahi hun. Good Night…”

With that she sped downstairs, trying to control her tears. Sameer sighed hard, crouching to pick up the chocolate that had hit him square on his chest and fallen on the floor. She had come to apologize to him for putting him in an awkward situation? God… How much more understanding could this girl get? How was he supposed to stay away from her? He closed his eyes, sitting down on the mat and staring up at the stars, recalling the night a year ago when he had hugged her… It had been as much disturbing as it had been soothing… For a minute or so while hugging her he had realized that while she might have been utterly innocent, his thoughts had taken a different track. He had started to feel the texture of her skin, he had breathed in her scent, he had relished in the way she had quivered in his arms after her sobs had died down… While explaining to her about her mother, his hands had ignored his brain’s command and reached out to tuck in her hair, to eagerly feel the silky strands, smooth skin of her ear and cherish the way her lips curved in a smile at the gesture. Her trust had shone in her eyes making him feel proud of himself… And then he had spotted it… The trust had given way to affection and adoration when she had looked up at him, and he had been jolted at the need inside him. He had been horrified to realize that he had wanted to pull her in his arms again… How could he have had such feelings for a child? Disgusted with himself he had done the best thing he could think of, and that was to flee. However her teary eyes had not let him sleep in peace, and next day he had gone to her home as if pulled by some invisible thread… He had felt an indescribable need to make her smile, and hence he had gifted her the book she had wanted and also the box of her favorite sweets. But that was it… After that he had resolved to stay away from her for his own sanity and to protect her from his wayward thoughts. But in his resolve he had discounted the determination Naina had… She had hounded him for reasons for not meeting her on terrace and he had made excuses after excuses… And to his astonishment she had supported him. When he had told her he need to focus more on boards, she had somehow coaxed Chachiji to make date and jaggery laddoos and also badaam halwa once. She had brought those to his home saying these items boosted energy and it would help him study. He had felt guilty of lying to her. As the vacations had started he knew she would be looking forward to meet him, and so he had started to go out more often with his school friends. Today’s encounter in evening had left him feeling bad for her, and at dinner when he had opened the box to reveal the misshapen slightly burnt alu-parathas his guilt had increased by manifold. He had thought he would simply apologize to her, but he once more he hadn’t taken into account the amazing spitfire little Naina was growing into. While he had several girls fawning all over him, only Naina had the audacity as well as the capability to make him feel worse about himself.

But what could he do? Even after his own resolve to stay away from her, he was finding it difficult to ignore her. He was also unable to disregard the changes he was seeing in her as she grew up in-front of his eyes… Her hair was longer… Her eyes, always big and round, now started to seem too exotic to be true… She was dressing up in salwar-kameez now and sometimes even jeans and he could see how the fabrics had started to fit to her body. Today, even when Monali was hanging on his arm he had noticed Naina had applied red nail-paint, while he just couldn’t remember what Monali was wearing. On nights when he was too exhausted or sad or unable to sleep he would long to feel Naina’s hand in his hair. He felt proud of her achievements… He missed the time he used to spend with her… But he couldn’t… He just couldn’t do it anymore… Naina was so young; he ought to protect her instead of having such strange thoughts about her. He was turning 19, and she would soon turn 15, it was better if he stayed away… Soon she would forget him and make friends of her own age… With renewed resolve he went down to his own room, taking his own time to relish the chocolate she had thrown at him.

Meanwhile Naina had determined to ignore him as well if that’s what he really wanted. However as July arrived and so did his birthday, she started to feel restless. How could she not wish him? He had made her last birthday special with his support, gifts and also that hug… But what could she give him? He was so busy in his own world all of a sudden… The age gap that hadn’t mattered until last year now seemed too big to cross. After a lot of deliberation she went to his home on the day of his birthday early in morning. Nanu was doing Sameer’s aarti, and as soon as he spotted her he welcomed her saying now there were two people to wish his grandson. Sameer didn’t know how to react… Yes, she had always wished him on his birthday with silly handwritten notes, and some small trinket or another, that were too precious to him, but what would she do this year.

She took Nanu’s blessings and then wished, “Happy Birthday Sameer…”

“Thanks kulfi girl”, he automatically replied.

Nanu was puzzled, “kulfi girl? Yeh kaisa naam hai…”

Sameer stiffened… No one knew what he called her… How to explain this now? Before he could come up with an excuse Naina replied, “Sameer ko pehle mera naam nahi pata tha… jab maine kaha ke main kulfi lene gayi thi, toh usne mujhe kulfi girl bulana shuru kar diya… mujhe… umm… pareshan karne ke liye.”

Nanu chuckled, “achcha theek hai… Naina beta… tum betho, main abhi mithai leke aata hun… Sameer ke janamdin pe khaas rasmalai mangvai hai. Tum shaam ko aa rahi ho na?”

Once more Sameer stilled in shock… Nanu had arranged a birthday party and asked him to invite his friends, but he hadn’t invited Naina… She looked puzzled, “shaam ko kyun?”

“Aree party rakhi hai na choti si”, Nanu explained, “Sameer ne bataya nahi? Sab dost aane wale hai uske…”

She glanced at him once, and then smiled at Nanu, “woh sir… dosto ke liye hai na party… main toh padosi hun… aur Sameer se kitni choti hun… isiliye bataya nahi hoga… mujhe problem hogi uske dosto ke saath adjust karne me, aur phir ghar se bhi mana kar denge na aaneko.”

Nanu looked on thoughtfully at the two people… He could sense some disturbance in the otherwise tranquil relationship. Sameer usually looked forward to Naina’s arrival but today he just looked tensed. Naina usually had a bright shiny grin on her face, but today she could barely smile. He wanted to ask, but didn’t prod; rather he left to go to the kitchen thinking to give them time to sort whatever problem they had.

As Nanu left, Sameer mumbled looking at the floor, “sorry…”

Naina pretended not to have heard it, rather simply requested, “main jaanti hun ke hum ab dost nahi hai… Par ek baar aaj mandir chaloge mere saath? Tumhe tumhare birthday pe kuch dena hai… Bas 5 minute ke liye, tumhare college jaane se pehle. Main mandir ki seediyo ke wahan tumhara wait karungi 9 baje.”

She didn’t wait for his reply, and he didn’t know what to do. Nanu came back with two bowls and asked, “Naina kahan gai?”

“Usko wapas jaana tha”, Sameer replied and moved to his own room without eating the rasmalai, one of his most favorite desserts.

He kept pacing his room, debating what to do about her request… He wanted to ignore it, just like he had been ignoring her, but finally decided to go meet her as he couldn’t leave her waiting on the road. What if something happened to her? He had to ignore her, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t protect her… How could he ever stop worrying and caring?

Nanu had gifted him a bike last year on his birthday, and he drove it to the temple, smiling immediately on seeing her dressed in her school uniform with two pigtails. She was scowling at her watch, but suddenly she looked up as if she knew he was coming. How could she? Definitely she couldn’t hear his bike amid all the autos and hollering of vendors and cows and dogs… But still she knew… It sent a thrill coursing down his body, something which he felt he shouldn’t relish.

She saw him approaching the temple dressed in jeans and a brown shirt that was left untucked. Sunglasses covered his eyes and his hair bounced in the wind… Oh he looked so handsome! As he parked his bike and came up to her, all she wanted to do was lift her hand and set those messy locks of hair back. He snapped his finger in-front of her, surprised at the adoring gaze and bit uneasy as well.

She smiled, “tum aaye…”

He shrugged, trying to sound strict, “jaldi bolo kya kaam hai… college me sab mera wait kar rahe honge.”

Her smile vanished and she sighed, “haan jaanti hun… upar chalo…”

“Naina”, he resisted, “tum jaanti ho ke main bhagwaan pe vishwaas nahi…”

“Jaanti hun”, she interrupted, “lekin aaj tumhara janamdin hai… agar Nanu ki khushi ke liye tum unhe apni aarti utaarne aur tika karne de sakte ho, toh apni iss purani friend ke liye ek baar mandir tak nahi aa sakte? Haath jodne ki zaroorat nahi hai, bas mere saath chalo…”

He bit his cheek trying to stop himself from comforting her, and nodded. Together they walked up the stairs to the temple, and he stood beside her as she prayed. He had no idea why she had brought him here, but this was the first time he had stepped inside a temple, and it was because of her… She believed in God, and he didn’t have the heart to offend her belief. He saw her talking to the panditji and then she came back with a red thread… Biting her lip, she took a deep breath and offered the thread to him.

He was puzzled, “yeh kya hai?”

She looked at a spot beside him, unable to meet his gaze, “aaj shanivaar hai aur… umm… tumhara birthday bhi toh maine vrat rakha hai… Tumne bataya tha na mujhe ke tumhare liye college ki padhai kitni zaroori hai taaki tum Nanu ka sapna pura kar sako aur unka business join kar sako… Isiliye… Maine aaj bas bhagwaanji se wahi manga ke woh hamesha tumhari madad kare aur tumhe aashirwaad dete rahe… Ab tum toh mandir aate nahi ho, isiliye maine hi… Uh… yeh dhaaga darasal kalai pe baandhte hai, lekin tumhe pasand nahi aayega… par apne paas rakh lo please…”

He stared at her in shock, finding it so difficult to process that someone could care for him so much. What was this girl made of? Even though he was ignoring her, she had kept a fast for his birthday. How could she? Still in a state of disbelief, he muttered, “Naina…”

She glanced at him and then looked down, surprised to see his extended hand… Her eyes widened, but her lips immediately curved in a bright smile. As she tied the thread on his wrist he was astonished at how little it took to make her happy. Just one gesture from him and all the gloominess had lifted from her face. God… He looked at the statue of Radha-Krishna and wondered what was this emotion that he felt for Naina… It was an emotion so powerful that he couldn’t see anyone else when she was there in-front of him… When she was there with him he stopped feeling the need for anyone else… When she smiled he felt a thrill coursing through his body… And when she cried he wanted to do everything to set things right in her world… The depth and range of his own emotions scared him as much as it excited him…

“Aarti”, a voice broke into his thoughts and he saw the panditji standing before him with a plate. He had no clue what to do… But Naina immediately moved her hand over the flame. He gasped, grabbing her hand, “oi kulfi girl… jal jayega haath.”

She blinked in surprise, and then chuckled, “kuch nahi hoga Sameer… main bas aarti le rahi hun…” He frowned in confusion, and her smile widened, “ek minute… main dikhati hun.” He watched her move her hand in circular motion over the flames and then gently rub it over her head, as if spreading the essence. On seeing him still watching her with confused eyes, she shook her head and repeated the gesture, but this time she moved her hands over his head. He automatically bent so she could reach up to his head, and closed his eyes on feeling the feathery movement of her hands on his hair after more than a year. When he again opened his eyes the pandit was offering some sweet to her, and she cupped her hands, one beneath the other, to accept it. He followed her gesture as the pandit turned to him, but she chuckled again, “Sameer right hand upar rakho.”

He obeyed, for the first time in his life accepting prasad. The pandit smiled at both of them, and then said, “Naina beta… neeche jaake gau mata ko laddoo aur ghaas khila dena… aaj ka din bada shubh hai… tumne toh vrat bhi rakha hai aaj… aaj gau mata ko khilaogi toh tumhe tumhara manchaha var milega.”

As the pandit left, Sameer scoffed, “seriously? Ab woh cow… uhh…” He corrected on seeing her glare, “mera matlab gau mata husband degi tumhe?”

She rolled her eyes, “logo ke vishwaas ka mazak mat udao… Pooja didi ko mil gaya na unka manchaha var… Toh ho sakta hai yeh baate sach ho… Main toh waise bina kuch maange gau mata ko khilaati hun, par aaj jaldi-jaldi me paise laana bhul gai.”

On seeing her sad face, he scolded a bit, “tum paise bina kaise nikal sakti ho ghar se? Cycle leke jaati ho, raste me puncture vagera ho gaya toh…” Pulling out his wallet he gave her a five rupee note, “yeh lo… yeh rakho…”

She shook her head, “Sameer main nahi…”

“Chup”, he admonished, “behes karna bandh karo mujhse… rakho ise chup-chaap… aur yeh muh mat fulao… main dilwata hun ghaas aur laddoo, jitna khilana hai khilao apni gua mata ko.”

She couldn’t help but smile as she obediently followed him. She bought the grass and laddoos, and he paid the money. Standing aside he watched her feed the grass to the cow, and then she offered the laddoos to him, “yeh lo… aaj yeh tum khilao.”

He quirked a brow, “Naina… mujhe manchaha var nahi chahiye…”

She laughed, “kuch maango mat… bas khilado… aisa samjho ek normal gaay ko khila rahe ho… gau mata bhi mat socho… Aaj tumhara birthday hai na toh kya pata kuch aashirwaad mil jaay… Yeh do laddoo, ek Nanu ke taraf se, aur ek meri taraf se.”

Once more he couldn’t refuse her, and did as she instructed, surprisingly enjoying the whole process and laughed on successfully feeding the cow. After they were done, Naina said it was time for her school so she would have to leave. He stood by his bike, watching her cycle away, and then glanced up at the temple, bit surprised that he had actually felt good after coming here… True, he hadn’t prayed, but seeing Naina pray was soothing in a way that he couldn’t express.

Later that evening, he was dressed in brand new clothes, his home was filled with his friends from college and there was a huge cake that Nanu had ordered. Gifts were piling up on one side, music blared from the corner, the walls were adorned with decorations, but even amid the festivities he felt that something was missing. He smiled at his friends, chatting as if everything was normal but knew very well what or rather who was missing from the fun. He just couldn’t believe that Naina had kept a fast for him… He never believed in all these stuff but the fact that she had fasted for him, prayed for him, wished for him made him feel lucky. At the same time he was ashamed for what he was doing to her… If he was unable to keep his emotions in check that wasn’t her fault, yet he was punishing her.

Nanu saw his restlessness, as well as the gleaming red thread around his wrist… To say that he was shocked would be an understatement… And so he decided to talk to his grandson, “Sameer… beta ek minute yahan aaoge?”

Sameer walked over, “haan Nanu… kya hua?”

Nanu smiled, “main bas soch raha tha ke tum itne pareshan kyun ho…”

Sameer immediately refuted, “pareshan? Nahi toh Nanu… Aisa kuch nahi hai…”

Nanu crossed his arms, “toh phir subah se rasmalai khaya kyun nahi? Munna bata raha tha ke aaj tumne college me bhi kuch nahi khaya… Aur ghar aake bhi nashta nahi kiya… Party me itna khana hai par kha nahi rahe ho… Cake cut kiya, sabko khilaya par khud nahi khaya… Aur sabse badi baat, haath pe yeh dhaga kaisa?”

Sameer looked away, repeating like a broken record, “aisa kuch nahi hai…”

Nanu sighed, “gifts nahi khologe?”

Sameer shook his head, “abhi nahi… raat ko dekhta hun…”

“Aisa lag raha hai ke tumhara man hi nahi hai yeh birthday celebrate karne ka”, Nanu asserted, “ya phir shayad koi khaas gift ka wait kar rahe ho…”

“Aisa kuch nahi hai”, he repeated once more, unable to form any better statement. Before Nanu could question something more, he left… Soon his friends also started leaving… He closed the door behind the last one, and turned to look at the gifts disinterestedly. On seeing Nanu’s questioning gaze, he said, “main… main bathroom jaake aata hun…”

Closing the bathroom door, he bent over the sink, splashing cold water on himself, trying to get a grip. He was hungry, but food didn’t tempt him since he had gotten to know that Naina was fasting for him… He had dozens of gifts waiting for him, but none appealed him because that one package with the familiar handwriting was missing. Nanu had valid questions for him, but he didn’t know how to answer any of them… If he confided about his unruly thoughts Nanu would be disgusted, and he couldn’t afford that. Suddenly he heard the sound of doorbell, and wondered if someone had forgotten anything and hence came back… He walked out to the living room, and froze in his tracks, shock evident all over his face…

“Naina”, Sameer whispered inaudibly… Was she really there? Why was she here? But oh man… she looked so beautiful… And suddenly the hunger disappeared from his body, as if he had never been hungry for food but rather her sight. She was dressed in a pink salwar-kameez with a sleeveless multicolored shrug-like-jacket, glass bangles adorned her hands, jhumkas were dangling from her ears and her hair was left open. And then she laughed on something… His stance relaxed, his gaze softened and his mouth quirked up in a smile…

Nanu had been waiting for his grandson to appear, and now he smiled, totally satisfied with what he saw. There were many people in the living room, but his grandson’s gaze was fixed on one single person… So this was what was happening with him? Since when…? Was it one sided? Or was it the same from her side as well?

“Aree Sameer…”, Nanu called out, “wahan kyun khade ho?”

As his grandson walked up to the group, he kept his eyes fixed on Naina, watching with contentment at how her face lit up on seeing Sameer, and how her hand clutched her dupatta tight as if she was stopping herself from saying or doing something. Sameer however did the weirdest thing as he came closer; he ignored Naina totally and instead greeted Anand and Bela. Nanu observed Naina’s face fall for a minute, and then she took a breath, squared her shoulders, and smiled once more as if all was okay.

The dinner was an entertaining affair, as Tauji kept talking business while Anand tried to keep things balanced. Naina’s Taiji and Chachiji just seemed to be too overwhelmed to sit at the same table as all the men. Rakesh kept eating, maintaining a façade of interest in conversations. Preeti and Pralay were excited with all the food items and for some reason Arjun wasn’t there. Nanu talked to everyone… He had noticed the disturbance between Sameer and Naina in morning, and had felt bad that Naina wasn’t invited and so he had done the onus of inviting the whole family for dinner. When cake had been served, Naina had said she would have it with dinner as it was her fast… Nanu had almost exclaimed aloud as he finally understood why Sameer was not eating anything since morning… When he saw Sameer restlessly finger the thread on his wrist and Naina’s eyes stray towards the action, Nanu realized with growing happiness that it meant Sameer’s hasty departure in morning was for a temple visit with Naina. He knew Naina was still young, still in school, but after few years this could definitely turn into a blessing if both Sameer and Naina were serious. And by the looks of it things were pretty serious… Nanu tested the waters by asking Sameer if he was alright as he had not eaten anything, and saw Naina’s attention sharpen. As they sat to eat, Naina and Sameer both kept looking at each other as if waiting for the other to eat first, but then as if arriving to a silent understanding both of them lifted a spoonful of rasmalai and ate it at the same time. A fleeting smile was shared which they thought no one noticed, but Nanu did and felt extremely proud of his correct deduction.

Though Sameer still continued to ignore her, that day of his birthday had calmed Naina down. She had understood that he cared… And also that in some way the depth of his care was just as much as hers, but something was stopping him from expressing. She had no idea what it was but she decided to wait and watch, and maybe for once she can stop pestering him for answers. Just that fact that he had come to the temple with her, let her give him aarti, accepted the prasad and also fed gau-mata meant that her thoughts and her beliefs were important for him. She understood this because at home her opinions, thoughts and ideas were generally ignored, and she had stopped saying or asking anything, but with him she had been able to seek answers, express her thoughts and not once had he ignored her, not when she was  just 9 and definitely not now.

16 years and 20 years

Sameer felt utterly annoyed over his condition… Ananya had proposed to him. She was extremely good looking, the most sought after girl in his college, and his brain told him that he ought to be smug about it and accept her proposal without any qualms. Dating her would equate to social status in college because every other boy would be jealous of him, and plus there was that addition that he could flaunt her on his arms. Plus their college trip was coming up which meant there would be opportunities of romance. He imagined various romantic moments… Hugging, holding hands, going on walks together, sharing food, spending nights under the stars, and maybe… kissing… The only problem was that whenever he thought of these moments the only girl he could fantasize about was Naina… The situation had worsened after her last birthday. After his own 19^th birthday when Naina had started giving him space he had thought that maybe she had finally understood that their age gap could not be breached, that they could only remain as cordial acquaintances, that he needed to be away from her… Then on her 15^th birthday he had given her the second book of famous five, repeating the same routine as her 14^th birthday. He had watched her from distance after that, growing up even more, learning even more… The little girl he had met all those years ago had bloomed into a young girl right in-front of his eyes. On their brief encounters on terrace she had told him of her terrifying parlor visit upon her friend Swati’s insistence. He had told her that she need not go if she was scared, but she had just looked at him with a serene smile and informed that she wasn’t going to stay a kid always. Once when Nanu had fallen sick, Naina had visited his home several times daily, caring for him as if he was her family. Sameer had thought of asking her to stop, but Nanu loved to see her and so he had refrained. In the absence of their servant once when Sameer had attempted to make tea for Nanu and failed miserably burning his hand in the process, Naina had scolded him, pushed him away and effectively taken over the task. He had stood aside watching with amazement as she fluttered around in their kitchen, making tea, putting together some light snacks of sandwiches, and at the same time miraculously finding the first aid kit to give him the burn healing gel. How she had done that with so much ease, he had no idea. But the fondness in his heart on seeing her like this had scared him. He had decided to ignore her even more, but he need not have done anything… She disappeared once Nanu was well, and their meetings reduced to those fleeting moments.

He had just started to feel better about the whole scenario when suddenly a week before her 16^th birthday he had spotted her with a group of people, talking nineteen-to-dozen as they ate pani-puri. To his utter shock the group included boys as well. He had watched as one particular boy stood right next to her and bumped her shoulder with his, saying something; and then Naina smiled up at him… For the first time in his life Sameer saw green in-front of his eyes… There was a haze through which he had witnessed the whole scenario… Naina laughing with a boy other than him… Naina smiling at a boy other than him… Naina offering her dish of pani-puri to a boy other than him… Unable to control, he had inched closer to listen… The evil boy had complimented Naina saying that she looked pretty in yellow… And Naina had blushed, tucking her hair behind her ear… The boy had offered his dish to her saying they should share as it would increase the love, and she had slapped his arm, laughing aloud… She had tried to step back but the boy had held her wrist, grinning at her, and hadn’t left even when she had tried to pull back… That had been it… He had marched over and grabbed Naina around her waist with one hand and used his other hand to push the boy back so hard that he had fallen down…

“How dare you”, Sameer had thundered, “himmat kaise hui Naina ko chedne ki?”

Naina had gasped, struggling free of his hold as the boy scrambled up, “Abhi…! Tum theek toh ho na? Lagi toh nahi…”

The boy had brushed his shirt and assured, “main theek hun Naina… chinta mat karo.”

Sameer had trembled with anger and once more grabbed Naina pushing her behind him to save her, grabbed the boy’s collar and yelled, “kaan kholke sunn le… aaj ke baad Naina ke aas paas bhi dikha na to itna maarunga ke seedha hospital jaana padega.”

“Sameer”, Naina had grabbed onto his arm, pulling him away, “chodo usko… kya kar rahe ho?”

Leaving the boy Sameer had held on to Naina’s shoulders, “tum… tum theek ho na? Iss kamine ne kuch kiya toh nahi na…? Tumhara haath pakda tha na… dikhao mujhe… laga hoga na…”

Naina had closed her eyes as Sameer’s hand had moved over her shoulders and arms, checking her wrists for possible bruises, and then she had felt him cup her face gently with both hands, and his voice was full of concern as he had asked, “Naina tum kuch bol kyun nahi rahi… are you okay?”

Her eyes had snapped open but there had been no softness in them, rather they were full of anger, “tum pagal ho kya Sameer? Kya kar rahe the?” Pushing his hand away from her face, she had continued, “yeh sab mere classmates hai… friends hai… Yeh ladka Abhi hai… Abhijeet… Mere class me padhta hai… Hum sab Kamya ke ghar movie dekhne gaye the aur yahan pani-puri khane aaye hai… Aur hum sirf masti kar rahe the… Abhi ne koi badtameezi nahi ki mere saath…”

Rage had stared to course through his body once more, and he had clenched his fists, “usne tumhara haath pakda… tumse pyaar ki baat kar raha tha… Aur tum keh rahi ho koi badtameezi nahi ki?”

She had crossed her arms, “toh? Abhi dost hai mera… Masti kar raha tha…” Then her voice had lowered but stayed firm, “jaisa hum kabhi kiya karte the… aur tumhe itna gussa kyun aa raha hai? Tumhare group me koi ladkiya nahi hai kya? Yeh sab log mere class me hai… meri umar ke hai yeh log… do you understand Sameer?”

He had felt as if he had been slapped by her words, and stumbled back. His throat worked up and down, trying to swallow the hurt and disappointment, “yes I understand… main chalta hun…” Saying that he had turned and left, afraid that he won’t be able to control his emotions anymore and would do or say something that he would regret later. His world had come tumbling down that night as the realization had sunk in that he had finally managed to push Naina away. She was with friends of her own age, just like he had done to her, and just like he had thought she would do one day. He had felt shaken with the thought that now her care and attention would not be only his.

Abhi… Abhijeet… He had started to hate the name with utter devotion… And not once had he tried to go to Naina and talk to her. But finally after a week on the day of her birthday, he had been unable to stop himself again… He had gone up to the terrace, wondering if she would still be waiting for him, or was Abhi’s gift enough for her now. But upon seeing her there dressed in her night dress, a ghost of a smile had appeared on his lips after so many days. Without thinking much he had crossed over, tapped on her shoulder, and wished, “Happy birthday kulfi girl…”

She had smiled back at him, “thank you Sameer… mera gift?”

He had chuckled and handed over the third book for Famous Five, along with a small box of sonpapdi. She had quickly opened the box, and picked up a sweet to feed him. Surprised at her action he had accepted it, and then had fed her too. She had kept the gifts aside, and asked if they could sit for some time. He had nodded, sitting beside her on the mat, keeping some distance and listened to her chatter about some upcoming debate competition. It had felt as if his broken heart was mending with her smile and constant blabber… He had informed her of the college trip that was to happen in November, it would be a first trip where they would be away for three days to Darjeeling… It would be cold there, he had told her, “sweater kharidna padega mujhe… Socha raha hun kaisa wala lun… Munna aur Pandit ko saath le jaata lekin unke liye toh unki mummy sweater bana rahi hai.”

Naina had placed a hand over his arm, and said, “tumpe blue color ka sweater bahot achcha lagega.”

He had smiled wholeheartedly for a moment, but then realized that her hand was on his, and he could feel the warmth which was making him fall weak. Gulping, he had stoop up, “uh… late ho gaya… chalna chahiye… main dhyan rakhunga blue color jab shopping pe jau.”

As he had stepped away to leave, he had heard her soft voice from behind, “Sameer…”

He had turned, and then staggered back in shock as a force hit his chest… Soft warm arms enveloped him and he barely realized that Naina had hugged him… He reeled back, trying to balance but his steps faltered and he started to fall back… Acting on instinct he wrapped his arms around Naina, securing her, as they fell… Her hands had somehow moved around his neck while they fell, placing one palm under his head as if protecting him… His arms were tight around her, and his heartbeat thundered at the feel of her soft body above him… She had tucked her head beneath his chin, her breathing fast and her other hand started to softly stroke his ear and jaw… He shuddered, starting to feel his body reacting to her, and shifted his legs nervously. Apparently oblivious to his predicament, she turned her head, nuzzling against his throat… He nearly groaned aloud as he felt her lips on his flesh, and her breath fanned his skin… On their own accord his hands started to move up her back, feeling the soft silky fabric of her blue night dress… His fingers sifted through her hair and then pushed them aside so that he had access to touch her nape… She purred on feeling his fingers against her bare flesh, her body heating up to his touch… The erratic beats of his heart matched her own, and she felt dizzy with sensations upon realizing that she was affecting him just as much… Tightening his hold, he pulled her up a bit… The friction of their bodies for those brief seconds making her moan softly and his entire body strung tight in reaction… He lifted his head a bit, pushing his nose in the crook of her neck, his lips caressing her smooth shoulder, inhaling the intoxicating fragrance that seemed to emanate from her skin. She lifted her head to look at him, and his hand at her nape slid down to cup her face… His eyes were dazed as he stroked his thumb on the gentle curve of her cheek, the bridge of her nose, and then moving to her plump alluring lower lip… She closed her eyes, her lips quivering, and her hold on him tightened… He began to slowly pull her down, his gaze zeroing in on her inviting lips… His own eyes began to droop in anticipation of the moment when their lips would meet…

Meowww…

Sameer had jerked at the sound, and so did Naina… What the hell was he doing? Horrified at his action he quickly pushed her aside and sat up… “Dammit”, he cursed aloud, “yeh… yeh sahi nahi hai…”

Naina was puzzled too at what had happened, but she tried to be calm, “Sameer… meri baat suno… I…”

“Shut up”, he rebuked, standing up and moving away, “tumhe akkal nahi hai kya? Aise kaun hug karta hai… Don’t ever try to do that again… Samjhi tum? Door raho mujhse… Aur aaj ke baad hum kabhi yahan nahi milenge.”

He had jumped over the parapet, swiftly running away despite her yearning call of his name. That night he had spent several hours pacing his bedroom, boxing continuously until his arms throbbed with pain, cursing himself repeatedly for losing control like that… He had been about to kiss her… Had it not been for the timely call from a stray cat he would have kissed her and enjoyed it as well… He had banged his fist against the wall, welcoming the pain, thinking he deserved it for being such a pervert as to feel such things for a child… Tossing and turning he had fallen asleep in the wee hours of dawn, not knowing that the girl he had left alone had spent the whole night on terrace crying herself to sleep.

He had woken up next day with a new determination to shut himself off from her totally, behave rude with her rather than just ignoring her, but his resolve had faltered the same evening when he had heard from his Nanu that Naina was sick… High fever, he had said… Preeti had found her on the terrace in the morning, Nanu informed him… Sameer had felt as if his heart had broken into two… Whole night? She had spent the whole night on terrace? Oh God… She was sick because of him… He had recalled his harsh words to her… It hadn’t been her fault… She had hugged him because he had given her gifts on her birthday, something her family didn’t do… It had been entirely his fault that he hadn’t been able to keep his hormones in check… And he had lashed out on her… She was so innocent… Of course it had been his actions that had made her surrender like that…

He had rushed to meet her, to find only a tensed Chachiji and Preeti, who told him that everyone else was out for some or other work. He had asked if he could see Naina, and Chachiji had allowed him to, but also mentioned that she was sleeping. That was good, wasn’t it? He could see her and leave… She need not know that he had come and he could breathe easy assuring that he had met her and yet managed to stay away. He had entered her room, his heart wrenching on seeing her sleeping covered with a floral sheet, her hair sprawled on the pillow… There were tear tracks on her cheeks… Had she cried again? She was holding something in her other hand… He had stretched to see and realized that it was the book he had gifted her… Even now she could treasure it? Even after what he had done to her? Why was she like this? Why did she make it so difficult for him to be away from her? Preeti came in to check, and Sameer croaked, “doctor ne kya bola?”

“Bukhar ki davai di hai”, Preeti informed, “ek-do din me theek ho jayegi.”

Sameer nodded, and queried, “yeh… yeh book… yahan…”

Preeti calmly stated, “Naina ke paas thi… Subah jab main use dhundne gai toh yeh book leke so rahi thi… tumne di na usko? Peechle do birthdays ki tarah?”

Sameer was surprised, “tumhe pata hai?”

Preeti nodded, “Naina ne bataya tha… kal kya kiya tumne ke Naina ki yeh haalat hai?”

“Main gussa ho gaya uspe”, Sameer mumbled, unable to stop the tears. He held Naina’s hand, bowing his head, “I am sorry Naina… I am so sorry… Please theek ho jao…”

Preeti watched his miserable condition and felt her anger ebb away. Naina shared things with her and bound her to secrecy, else she would have lashed out on him… He had kept apologizing and Preeti moved away to ensure that her mother didn’t enter the room. After few minutes, he had felt her hand withdraw from his hold, and his head had snapped up. Naina had looked at him with blinking tired eyes, and then smiled softly, her hand gently wiping his tears. “Tumhari koi galti nahi hai”, she had said, making him feel all the more miserable. Asking her to rest, he had apologized once more and then had left from there.

Horrible realizations of his own feelings had started to shake him… He had been cursing himself for being attracted to her, but it was so much more than that… His continuous need to be with her, to protect her, to look at her… The relief her company provided, the joy her smile gave him… God… It was such an enormous thing that he felt he would simply shatter under the weight of it… How could he have let this happen? No, no… He couldn’t… He couldn’t possibly love her… That was so forbidden… He had to stop it from spreading into his being like a virus… He needed to kill that emotion… But he hadn’t been able to have any success…

Now a day before his college trip, he was in his home, sitting on the couch facing a smiling Ananya, but lost in thoughts of Naina. He had been perturbed by Ananya’s proposal, and hadn’t replied to her, and so she was here, trying to convince him… But as he weighed the advantages of accepting her proposal, all he could feel was a sense of depression because his thoughts were clouded with the sensations of another girl… A girl he loved… A girl he was not allowed to love…

“Oh c’mon Sameer”, Ananya’s voice jerked him out of flashbacks, “itna kya soch rahe ho? It’s not as if you don’t like me.”

Sameer’s brows furrowed in confusion, “huh?”

Ananya smirked, “maine dekha tha tumhe… uss din canteen me tum red rose leke bethe the aur mujhe ghoor rahe the muskurate hue… lekin tum mere paas aate usse pehle tumhare woh dono dost aa gaye aur tum chale gaye.”

Sameer recalled the day she was talking about, and felt like laughing aloud… Ananya thought he had been staring at her while he didn’t even remember she had been there… Honestly, he had been sitting like that in the canteen lost in another of his Naina fantasies, and the rose, that had been for Naina as well… Of course he hadn’t given it to Naina, just like he had never given the other roses to her, or the earrings or the anklets or the bindi… Each of these prized illusion of gifts were locked up in a box at his home… The only gift he gave her was the book and sweet on every birthday…

“Sameer”, Ananya called again, bit annoyed, “kahan kho gaye tum?”

He shook his head, “kahin nahi… tum coffee logi?”

Ananya smiled, and stood up, patting her short skirt to draw attention to her shapely legs, and then walked over to sit beside him, close enough to touch… She traced one long nail down his arm, “coffee toh nahi chahiye… but how about something else? Maybe I can help you make up your mind…”

Sameer glanced at her stroking finger, amused at how he didn’t feel an ounce of what he felt whenever he saw Naina. Ananya took his silence as approval, and inched closer… Sameer felt her breath against his face and realized how she was planning to convince him… Nausea bubbled up inside him and he placed a hand on her shoulder to push her away… And just at that moment, the main door opened with a bang and a familiar thud in his heart told him of the arrival of the girl he truly wanted… Even before realization of the full picture settled in, Naina’s shriek filled the room, “what the hell…? Yeh kya ho raha hai?”

Sameer scrambled to stand up, not knowing what he was most shocked at… Naina witnessing the attempt of him being kissed… Or Naina cursing… He looked at her, and almost sighed in delight, his brain shutting down, his heart thumping in a joyous beat… She was a vision in her red salwar-kameez, and open hair… Was she going somewhere? He could have happily stood there simply watching her, but she strode inside with determination… Her eyes narrowed in anger, her expressions furious as she once more demanded, “kya ho raha hai yahan pe? Sameer… Kya kar rahe ho tum?”

Sameer’s brain was still sluggish at her sudden appearance, and he hummed, “kya?”

Naina came up to him and pinched him earning a loud “ow” from him, and asked once more, “kya kar rahe ho tum?”

Sameer rubbed his arm, staring from her to Ananya and it was then he realized what Naina must have thought… Damn… Did she think that he was going to kiss Ananya? Eww… No, he had to clarify… But before he could form a proper sentence, Ananya spoke up in an annoyed tone, “tum ho kaun? And how dare you interrupt us?”

Naina looked her up and down, noting the ridiculous short skirt, and asked, “tum kaun ho? Aur Jaiprakash sir ke ghar me kya kar rahi ho?”

Ananya smirked, “can’t you see? Main yahan Sameer se milne aayi hun… I am his… girlfriend… right Sameer?”

Naina whirled about to glare at him, her silence being a question loud enough. He swallowed, “uh… yeh Ananya hai… mere college me padhti hai…”

“Aur?” She prompted… He couldn’t form coherent sentences… Had she applied liner? And lip-gloss? Why? Still lost in thoughts of how kissable her lips looked and how her eyes glittered in anger, he blurted, “she proposed me.”

Naina stilled, it seemed she even stopped breathing for a minute… And then she observed in a low dispirited voice, “oh I see… how… ummm… convenient… Timing achcha hai… Trip se just pehle… I understand… Birthday ke baad mujhe laga… Par ab… Main hi pagal thi… I am sorry… Main…Main jaati hun… sorry for interrupting… meri aadat hai na… aisai chale aane ki… I can understand tum gussa kyun hue the… main hi samajh nahi paai…”

Alarmed at her babbling, Sameer reached out to hold her, “Naina kya bol rahi ho tum? Meri kuch samajh me nahi aa raha…”

Ananya butted in, “Sameer chodo na iss ladki ko… koi pagal lagti hai jo aise badbada rahi hai…” She looked at Naina dismissively, “aye… tum niklo yahan se…”

Sameer’s anger flared up red and hot, and he was about to blast Ananya for daring to insult his Naina… But before he could utter a word, Naina turned to her, furious, “don’t you dare speak to me like that… Tum hogi iske college ki koi item ya koi beauty queen, par mujhse aise baat ki na toh tumhare chehre ka naksha bigaad dungi… Phir puri life apne aap ko aaine me dekhke roti rehna… Badatameez aur bewakoof insaan mujhe pasand nahi, aur tum dono ho… ”

Sameer stared at her, his mouth open in shock at what he heard… Since when did Naina become so…spicy? He wanted to protect her, but hell… she didn’t need his protection… He felt so extremely surprised and proud of her that he wanted to pull her in his arms and never let go… But then she turned to glare at him, her lips curling in disgust, “main jaa rahi hun… tum enjoy karo… aur haan…” She thrust the bag she had brought in his hands, “maine socha tha iski zaroorat hogi tumko… par tumhare paas koi aur hai jo Darjeeling ki thand kam karne me madad kar degi… isko daan de dena ya fek dena… aur dobara kabhi mujhse baat mat karna…”

Sameer immediately refuted the last command, grabbing her hand, “Naina… kahan jaa rahi ho… aur yeh kya bachcho jaisa…”

“Shut up”, she almost yelled, pulling her hand back, “chup ekdum! yeh line khatam karne ki himmat bhi mat karna Sameer Maheshwari… Bachchi, Kid, bachcho jaisa… I am fed up… suna tumne? I can’t keep waiting ke tumhe kab akkal aayegi… Kabhi dost ban jaate ho, aur phir jab man karta hai dosti tod dete ho… Yeh paas aaneka-door jaaneka khel aur nahi khel sakti main… Mujhe bachchi bolte ho na? But you know what… bachcho jaisa dimag tumhara hai… Kamsekam mujhe pata toh hai ke mujhe kya chahiye… Tumhare toh dil aur dimag ke beech me koi connection hi nahi hai…”

Sameer blinked stupidly at her outrage, having no clue of what she said or meant… Naina took a deep breath and exhaled, controlling her emotions and said, “enjoy the trip and the new relationship… bye.”