Only Mine
Chapter 13: Mumbai Mirror

She had read somewhere that the voice of the sea speaks to the soul, and Mumbai had proven that those words were absolutely right at least for her. Three weeks after her arrival to the city of dreams, Naina Agarwal was sitting on the parapet at Marine Drive, watching the long expanse of sea and the twinkling lights at distance. She had discovered this place in her first week itself; of course, the credit goes to the book she had read while traveling here in train from Ahmedabad. All she had done in the last three weeks was to come over to this place repeatedly.

Chachaji had left in two days; maybe it had taken him that much time to explain to Phulla Bua-Dadi about the situation in Ahmedabad. She didn’t know, and she hadn’t asked. Her mind still reeled whenever she recalled the incident, how her life had taken a sudden turn. Even the exciting place like Mumbai seemed like no fun. She knew she was moping around, and she wanted to change it, be happy just as she had determined to be, but she didn’t know how to be so.

Suddenly someone started crooning ‘pehla nasha’ and her head whipped around to find the person, after a moment she spotted a couple some distance away – the boy was humming the song to a girl who had her head on his shoulder. Of course it wasn’t him… Naturally… But still the song reminded her of the moments near the pond-side in Ahmedabad. She hadn’t been able to forget him yet… God knows how much time it would take. Maybe when college started that would help her. Today she had been thinking about him since morning, she didn’t know why… His pranks, the way he had held her claiming that he would always hold her, the way he would keep holding her hands, the way he had said that he was different. God… What had happened to her? Why had she let him come so close to her that now she wasn’t able to forget him? She observed the gentle waves in the sea, bold and free; that’s how she wanted to be.

Tired of her thoughts, she tuned out everything and left from there. When she went to home, or rather her new home, she found Phulla Bua-Dadi waiting for her in the garden. She smiled, “Hi Bua-Dadi.”

Phulla Bua rolled her eyes, “Bua-Dadi… sounds so boring… and if you keep calling me that every time we talk we would lose hours of actual conversation… so call me something different.”

“Different”, Naina frowned, “what?”

Phulla Bua thought for some time and said, “PB… short form.”

Naina gave a small smile, “PB? Really? But in Ahmedabad you always used to be so strict about…”

“Oh forget it”, Phulla Bua interrupted, “forget Ahmedabad… this is Mumbai… and you need to change according to this city else this city will change you in its own way.”

“I don’t understand”, Naina replied.

The newly named PB smiled compassionately, “of course you don’t… you are still stuck in Ahmedabad. But Naina… sometimes unanticipated situation can write the best chapters in our life. You just need to give life a chance.”

Naina thought once more of the place she thought of as home, of the city she had left behind, of the memories that kept hounding her every day, and imagined closing a mental door. Taking a deep breath she asked, “what should I do?”

PB grinned, “first things first… you are 18 years old, so you should look like that and not like 10 year old kid.”

Naina looked down at herself, “I look like a 10 year old?”

PB nodded, “yes you do… c’mon… we are going to do some shopping for your college, and then we are going to my favorite parlor. If you look like this you won’t have any boyfriends in college… what a shame that would be… You have to beat my record of three boyfriends.”

Phulla Bua-Dadi went to parlor? Phulla Bua-Dadi had three boyfriends in college? Phulla Bua-Dadi wanted her to have boyfriends? Damn Naina… What is this world you have fallen into?

Naina was sure she had a look of perpetual surprise on her face for the whole evening as PB took her to various shops and bought skirts, dresses, frocks, jeans and several tops and shirts for her. She even added a few dressy churidars and salwar-kameez, and then there were the four pairs of shoes and sandals, and purses.

Once Naina asked while trying on a black strappy heel, “why would I need these in college?”

PB just silenced her with a wave of hand and proceeded to add a pair of beige pumps as well. Next she took her to a shop to buy some earrings and other accessories, giving her a piece of advice along the way, “everyone around you in college is going to be flashy, so you need to understated.” When Naina gave a puzzled expression, PB elaborated, “elegant and classy.”

By the end of evening Naina owned more things that she ever had in eighteen years of her life, and that included three different watches, one with silver chain, one with golden chain, and another with a black strap, because according to PB watches needed to be matched with the accessories. It was like a fashion crash course for Naina, and she wondered how did PB, who was always dressed in silk sarees and gold jewelry, know about the latest trends for college students.

And then there was the beauty parlor named “MIRRORS” with the line of the two R drawn like scissors. She sat nervously while PB talked to a lady at the parlor, and then Naina was taken inside a small room for waxing. Her first waxing! She was sure her screams must have scared off at least a couple of patrons. As for the eyebrow threading, surely the person who had invented this must have wanted to torture someone. She also sat through a round of haircut and styling, and then PB got some makeup items for her. Naina looked at her own reflection in the mirror and wondered what all these would change.

As they stepped out of the parlor, she asked, “is all this going to give me acceptance in college?”

PB laughed, “no… you will have to make friends by yourself using your wit and sass, but all these is going to prevent you from fading into the crowd. And if nothing, then at least you must be feeling better than you were earlier in the day, aren’t you?”

Naina thought about it for a moment, she had indeed not thought about the miseries of her life the whole evening. Yep, it was true. Shopping could make you forget your woes. She smiled, “yes, I am feeling better.”

PB placed a hand over her grandchild’s head, “I have lived in this city since a long time, and have seen many people who come here in search of a better life… This city is called the city of dreams, but the funny thing is this city never sleeps. You know why? Because people from all over the country dream about different things, and then come here to fulfill those dreams… be it education, job, pursue their passion, gain independence… anything and everything… all your dreams have scope to flourish here Naina, you just need to stop restricting yourself with memories.”

Naina leaned against the open car window, watching the city flash by, she could smell the sea from somewhere, maybe the wind carried the salt, and she felt relaxed… PB was right… What was gone was gone. If she kept thinking about what had happened, she would never be able to welcome what was going to happen yet. This was her chance to live life as she had wanted it, form her own different world; she could be what she was yearning for… Free.

A smile curved her lips and she closed her eyes feeling the warm evening air, which was for a moment disrupted with a fresh gust of breeze that made her heart beat faster. If her eyes were open she could have seen the taxi that overtook them on the street, the taxi which held a lone passenger, someone dressed in jeans and light pink plain shirt with wavy hair, somber eyes watching the stars twinkle on a golden bracelet that he was holding in-front of his face. Sameer Maheshwari had finally arrived in Mumbai, ready to fulfill his own dream and prove himself, attempting to let go of memories yet unknowingly holding onto a part of it.

Sameer stepped inside the small house inside an old housing society, Nanu had rented this place for him from one of his friends, and he was extremely grateful of the fact that he need not stay in a hostel. It was just a one room kitchen kind of house, but had been remodeled to take up some space from the kitchen and room, to form another section which was supposed to be the hall… Well… kind off… He would prefer to call it living room, since it was barely spacious enough to accommodate a 2-seater sofa, two folding chairs, and a small coffee table. The bedroom space was little bigger and it held a queen-size bed, a cupboard, a chair and desk, and a tiny bedside cabinet. The kitchen was survivalist kind with just a small space for one man to stand. It looked cramped, but was doable. He placed his bags inside the bedroom and looked around, and fell in love. No family would be ready to call it a home, but this was his home, even if it was only for three years. He even had a small balcony since he was living on the second floor.

College would start in three days, so he had some time to explore the city, and he decided to start now. Unpacking could wait; there was a place where he wanted to be. So, he just took time to freshen up and then took a cab to Marine Drive, the first place that he wanted to visit. He was awed by the sight of the sea, the glittering lights, the horse cart rides, the vendors selling roses for couples who had come for a walk or just to chat… It was so… romantic. And strangely enough it was peaceful too. In Ahmedabad the pond-side had been his solace because no one ever came there, but here there were so many people yet he found peace because no one was bothered about him… Mumbai, a city where people were busy in their own lives, no one had time to spare for a strange boy who had chosen to come to this place alone and was now sitting on the parapet staring at the sea, smiling like a fool to himself. He had done it… He had come far away, from Nanu’s shadow, from Ahmedabad, from her… and now it was time to be the man that he had wanted to be… to prove himself… to be worthy of taking over the reins of Maheshwari Industries.

Sameer’s three free days in Mumbai was spent in exploring the city, shopping some stuff for himself – but not much since he was determined to not lead a lavish lifestyle like he did in Ahmedabad, and also warding off an inquisitive 5-year old girl in his society who liked to call him uncle. Like seriously… Uncle…? From which angle did he look like an uncle? He intended to scold her every time she would call him uncle, but he would melt pathetically each time she would smile at him. Her name was Netra, and it didn’t escape his notice that her name also meant eyes, just like Naina… and to his extreme frustration Netra also roamed around sporting two ponytails.

You should stay away from girls with two ponytails.

Yes, this thought often came in his mind, yet neither could he be rude with Netra, nor had he been able to get rid of big-brown-eyed rabbit. He knew those eyes reminded him of someone else, of someone he wanted to forget, and yet he kept the rabbit in his cupboard near a stack of shirts where he could see it every time he opened the cupboard and pretend to ignore it.

Naina received a surprisingly normal welcome in H.R. College of Commerce and Economics, there was no name calling, no stupid girls tittering about her oily hair, but then… she didn’t have oily hair anymore… Her hair was loose and styled in gentle waves, and she was wearing blue jeans with a black top. She missed the constant chatter of Preeti and the remarks from Swati, but still it was not so bad that she couldn’t survive. Upon PB’s insistence Naina had agreed to let PB’s car drop her off to and pick up from college for the first month, until she knew the city better. Within the next one week Naina got to know her batch mates a little better. Most of them were normal, with dreams in their eyes, and they were used to students who came from different cities in India. Naina made few friends very soon, a girl named Chaaya who was a Mumbai localite, and two boys, Gurdeep from a small village in Punjab and Bikram from Kolkata. Chaaya acted as their guide, and soon the four friends started to go out for the famous Mumbai chaats and sometimes sightseeing after college in PB’s car. But once the day was over and she returned home, her solace still used to be the tiger soft toy and a Walkman with ‘pehla nasha’ song cassette in it.

On the other hand, Sameer had a different first week in college than he had anticipated. In Nainital he had been popular kid, and the same thing had happened to him in Ahmedabad and as he had grown up he had been termed as school hero. Munna and Pandit had always been around him boosting his morale and ego both, girls fluttered around him even if he didn’t want to, and of course the name Maheshwari was enough to demand attention. But here in Jai Hind College, things were different… very different for Sameer. Apparently, there was a college hero already, a handsome stud called Prem in second year – Prem was the son of a big film producer and it was said that he was destined to be a hero. Prem had the latest bike and car both, while Sameer having decided to be more independent caught the morning local train to Churchgate and then a bus to reach college. Also, Sameer’s long locks of hair were considered to be out of fashion in Mumbai. However, he did make a friend named Tarun who sat with him in the class, and after a week there was a girl call Sanjana who seemed to be very interested in him. When Sanjana asked him out for a coffee, Sameer smirked thinking his charm still worked. However, the date, as she called it, was very boring according to Sameer because he couldn’t find any topic of interest to talk about with her. Also, he felt an extremely strange hitch in his chest that night which made him take out the rabbit from his cupboard and place it on his bed next to him.

The first month ticked away sooner than they expected. Naina started taking the local train to Churchgate as well since her college was there too, but she travelled in the ladies compartment. Anyways it was two stops from her home, so it didn’t matter much. From the station she would usually walk to her college, or hail a cab as per the time. She also made more acquaintances in college, girls and boys both. Sameer found a part time job in a publishing office as an intern, his main job being taking care of the articles written by others; proof read, help in research, and type out bit of articles as per instructions or anything random that was assigned to him. Sameer couldn’t say that he loved his job, but very soon it did teach him that people who had certain authority in their hands were often very rude to people whom they considered inferior. He learned to bow and accept reprimands with a smile, but at home his frustration would come out on the boxing bag and his journal where he would write about his experiences. While Naina learned to go out more, explore more, and just enjoy life; Sameer learned to be more observant, more independent, washing his own clothes, and also he got to know the joy of first salary. Everything was well… yet there was this feeling of incompleteness that neither Sameer understood, nor Naina.

Naina usually had a phone call with Preeti, Chachiji and Chachaji once a week, and it was mostly limited to how she was and how was she doing in college. No other family members were discussed except Arjun who sometimes came on phone to ask about her health. On one such call Preeti dared to ask, “do you still miss him? He is the one who took you to that pond… right? It is so close to his school.”

Naina was silent for a long minute, before sighing, “I haven’t forgotten him. And yes, that place was his special place…”

Preeti wasn’t even surprised, “and he took you there… Naina… doesn’t it mean that you were special for him?”

“I am not saying that there wasn’t anything”, Naina accepted, “there was something… for some time… but then, it was all gone…”

“Maybe if you talk to him again…”, Preeti started to suggest.

Naina interrupted, “no… don’t even put such thoughts in my head. I am happy here. I have friends. Chaaya is amazing, and Bikram and Gurdeep are good too… In fact, Bikram is quite handsome.”

Preeti scoffed, “ya right… tell that to me the day you share one ice-cream bar with him.”

Naina didn’t reply, it wasn’t needed; anything she would have said after this would have been a lie, and Preeti knew her too well to understand it immediately.

Similarly, Sameer also had weekly calls with Nanu, and a weekend call with Nanu, Munna and Pandit. He loved to talk to them, and would tell them about his experiences in Mumbai, the places he visited, the food he ate, his attempts at cooking; he even proudly told them of how he burnt his thumb while trying to cook an omelet. Nanu tried to convince him to let him hire a helper for him who would cook and clean, but Sameer refused, saying he enjoyed it, and if he felt the need he would hire someone with his own salary later when he had enough money. One weekend when Nanu left Munna and Pandit alone to talk to Sameer, they enquired about if he had made any girlfriends there.

Sameer laughed, “I went out with a girl from my class for coffee. Her name is Sanjana.”

His friends were surprised, and Munna asked, “is she beautiful?” Pandit queried, “did you have fun?”

Sameer replied in a neutral voice, “umm… I guess you can call her beautiful, at least a few boys in my class think so… But she is not that interesting. I was bored with her, nothing to talk about; all she was interested in was planning what all romantic places we can go to.”

“So…”, Munna gently asked, “where are you going next?”

This time Sameer chuckled, “she planned for a movie… you know… asked me to book corner seats… but I didn’t go… told her that I have work in office. Anyways, I can’t afford to spend money on useless dates, and like I said… I didn’t find her interesting.”

Pandit smirked, “ya… she must not know how to play pranks.”

“Or argue head-to-head with you”, Munna added.

Sameer sighed, his friends had hit the nail on its head, but he didn’t tell them so, and he knew that he didn’t need to. His friends knew with whom he had been comparing Sanjana.

And then in a few days came the onset of monsoon… the famous Mumbai rains. Since that beautiful Wednesday morning, Naina kept staring at the sky repeatedly, the memories of the rains one year ago flashing in her mind. It made her restless, and she skipped her meals worrying PB.

No… no… no… Naina, don’t think about him… don’t take his name…

She kept repeating this to herself for the whole day. It wouldn’t help to think about him. He was not here. It was all over. Everything… There never was anything.

You remember the last meeting… the goodbye… you never mattered to him Naina.

Yes, she didn’t matter to him. But how could she forget those memories? She had tried so much… but still something or the other reminded her of him. When a boy named Ayush had asked her for a date, saying he found her attractive, she had refused immediately, and then wondered why she had done so. Her friends shared meals and drinks among themselves but she could never do that… She never shared her food or cold-drink or tea, and when they asked the reason, she had said that it was her family belief. Lame excuse, she knew it, but still… once there had been a time when she had shared food so easily with Sameer, but now she couldn’t do it with anyone. And if she thought about it, even before Sameer came in her life she had never shared food with anyone…

Stop it Naina… don’t think of him.

At the same time, Sameer was going through the same restless feeling since morning. He took the wrong train by mistake and reached late for college, when he stood in the canteen queue to order food he couldn’t think of what to order, at work he misplaced some important papers and was scolded for it. He couldn’t attribute the reason behind his strange behavior; it just seemed as if his senses had gone for a toss since he had woken up. Maybe he was catching a flu or something… Ya, that would be the reason. Surely it wasn’t her… of course not… But still, maybe he should go out with Tarun this evening, or maybe take up Sanjana on the dinner… umm… dinner invitation to Juhu beach… Ya, it wasn’t a date… He wasn’t interested in her, they were just friends. However when he started to call up Sanjana from work, he had this thought that sitting in-front of television with a big chocolate would be a much more interesting way to spend the evening.

God… you are such a wimp Sameer…

Taking a deep breath, he grabbed a cup of coffee from the vending machine, and sat down to finish proof-reading couple of articles. He decided that tonight he would permanently put that rabbit out his sight. Not that his restlessness was because of the rabbit, or the person it reminded him of. But still… Better safe than sorry.

Naina stayed back in the college library for some time after the classes ended, and then decided to take a taxi back home, as it was late and looking at the sky it seemed it would start raining soon. By the time she reached midway, it started drizzling, and a smile automatically curved her lips, the first rains were always special no matter where she was. She asked the taxi driver to drop her off as soon as she spotted a tea stall. It was a small shack, but few people were already standing under the tarpaulin taking shelter from the rain. When would people learn to enjoy the first rains? She went up to the stall and asked for tea, and the vendor asked back, “full or cutting?”

She was about to say cutting, but then again remembered the rains last year, the fun, the weird chemical disturbance in air, and automatically said, “full.”

Holding the glass with her handkerchief, she sipped on the tea, staring at the rains outside that was starting to fall hard. It didn’t take her long to finish half of her tea, and she placed the glass down on a wooden shelf that ran around the stall, and paid the vendor.

The man frowned, “you drank only half… wasn’t it good?”

Naina smiled, “it was wonderful… but this is for someone else.”

The stall owner stared at her perplexed as she hailed a cab and disappeared. He shook his head, wondering what a crazy variety of people came to live in Mumbai. Just as he was about to grab the class to throw the leftover tea, a boy came running inside, holding his bag over his head, and demanded, “Viru… my usual cutting please.”

The man was distracted with this new arrival, and shifted his attention to him, smiling, “right away Sameer bhaiya. You are late today.”

“Had some work”, Sameer replied tersely, and frowned at the rain. He wanted to hate it, he tried desperately to get the same feelings he used to always have for the rains… muddy roads, water logging, sticky feeling… but all he could think of was Naina dancing in the rain, water trailing down her face, her pink quivering lips that day, her way of showing him all the good things about rain. The vendor placed his tea on the wooden shelf, and he picked it up without seeing, his thoughts occupied with that one day in last monsoon. Something had changed that day… What was it? And why was he thinking about it now? He finished the tea quickly because each sip reminded him of the tea he had shared with her in rain, and that in turn reminded him that she was no longer there to share such small moments with him. He placed the glass down, along with the money for tea, and went out from the shade.

The vendor reached to take the glass, and uttered in surprise, “oh Sameer Bhaiya… you drank someone’s leftover tea.”

But Sameer was not there to listen, he had already gotten into a taxi and left. The vendor picked up the glasses, amusedly thinking that one girl left tea for someone else, and another boy drank it by chance. What a coincidence!

Unaware of this accidental coincidence or game of destiny, Naina reached home, dumping her bag on a chair, and went to the balcony that was attached to her room. The rains soaked through her dress, increasing her heartbeats, and she closed her eyes, letting the tears fall, a ragged whisper leaving her throat, “I miss you Sameer… I miss you.”

Sameer felt as if someone was strangling him as he sped up the stairs to his home, the claustrophobic sensation was too overpowering even though he was still outside. Stepping inside his home, he banged the door shut, and unceremoniously threw his bag away. What was happening to him? Was he going to suffocate? He panted for breath, his heart thundering; he removed his shirt hoping it would give him some respite. But it was of no use. Suddenly his eyes fell on the small balcony. Should he…?

No Sameer… Don’t do that… It is madness.

After a few more minutes of restless pacing he ignored the warnings of his mind, and went out to the balcony. The first hit of the cold droplets were painful and yet soothing… Slowly, as he let the rain wet his body, he started to feel a calmness wash over him. Hesitating only a bit; he stood with his legs parted slightly, his hands extended to his sides, and tilted his head back to look at the sky, just as she had taught him. The grey sky made him feel relaxed and happy, he blinked, smiled, and confessed, “I miss you Naina… not the pranks, not the arguments… you… just you…”

The rain felt harder that night as if celebrating the brief respite it had provided to two ailing hearts. And oblivious to the downpour, Naina slept clutching the tiger to herself, and Sameer for the first time didn’t just place the rabbit on bed but rather had his hand over it while he dreamt of the first ever rain that he had enjoyed. Neither of them knew that as they struggled between learning to move on and trying to hold on, destiny was playing its own cards, because like it is said; if you are missing someone, maybe they are supposed to be there. Indeed the first Mumbai rains had showed Sameer and Naina the mirror to their own heart.