Yahi Sahi Hai

The sunny winter afternoon seemed to have lost its warmth, the sounds of chaotic class distant, the wooden bench suddenly felt too hard as the two people seated on it shifted uneasily. B. Com course had started giving out projects to work on to the students, with the aim of improving their confidence and public speaking ability. Based on the seating arrangement, project topics were assigned to each bench. Sameer and Naina who were seated on the same bench, had picked up a chit from the small basket being passed around, and now they didn’t know what to say to each other.

Naina frowned and fidgeted, because she was completely unaware of the topic written on the chit, while Sameer gulped and twiddled his thumbs, because he was aware of the topic but didn’t know what to do now. He took the chit from Naina’s hand – “Consumer Survey Project: Purchase and Usage of Condoms” – his brain buzzed with questions. He wondered what were the other topics like, everyone had to do survey but were they all being given the same topic? Or maybe at least similar? Naina looked at him perplexed, but before she could ask anything Asha madam started to explain the rules, and Naina got busy in scribbling. They were supposed to prepare a set of 5-6 questions based on the topic, talk to 15-20 people, then use the data and any additional research to write a project report, which was to be submitted for scoring, and then a short verbal presentation was to be done for each topic, and again that would be scored. All the scores would add up to their semester examinations.

As soon as class ended, Naina turned to Sameer, “tumko samajh me aaya yeh kya likha hai?”

He nodded, wondering what to tell, how to explain. “Toh mujhe batao”, she demanded.

“Aah… woh Naina, yeh topic… darasal…”, he stammered.

She kept staring at him with a confused expression, “tum hakla kyu rahe ho?”

He took a deep breath and opened his mouth to tell her that he would explain later, when there was an outburst from the nearby benches.

“Yeh kaise topics hai? Ispe hum logo ko puchenge to hume pitenge pakadke”, a boy exclaimed.

Sunaina was talking to Kartik, “dekho hume project karna to padege hi na. There’s no other way.”

Behind them, Preeti and Swati sat with red faces. When Naina asked, Preeti gestured that she would tell later.

Sameer sighed in relief. It looked like the whole class had got some controversial topics to research upon. It made him feel better. Still, he had a very difficult task ahead of him, he was sure that Naina was clueless about the term and its usage. True to his guess, Naina cornered him after all the classes were done for the day, “Sameer, ab batao mujhe jaldi. Yeh bahot important hai hamare exams ke liye. Aur mujhe topic hi samajh nai aa raha. Pata nahi hum project kaise karenge aur marks kaise milenge hume.”

He shuffled his feet, “umm… Naina yeh personal use ki cheez hai. Married couples ke liye”, he paused thinking, then added, “zyadatar married couples ke liye.”

“Matlab? Karte kya hai usse? Condom hai kya cheez?”, she kept firing questions upon questions, “aur married couples ke liye kyun? Khane ki cheez hai? Dikhta kaisa hai?”

Sameer flushed, warmth creeping up the back of his neck, and he ran a nervous hand through his hair, “kaise samjhau…”, he murmured to himself.

Naina looked at his embarrassed face and was clueless of the turbulence within him. She moved forward and held his hand, “kya baat hai? Tumko pata nahi to main aaj shaam ko chachaji se puch lungi… tum chinta mat karo.”

His eyes widened, and he gripped her hand urgently, “nahi Naina. Apne ghar pe mat puchna.” He took a deep breath, trying to think clearly. He needed to explain Naina, but not like this, she was too innocent. How could he explain to her about what happens after marriage? They hadn’t even kissed yet. Just handholds, a few hugs, and a hand-kiss didn’t exactly give them that level of comfort to discuss everything. He had never imagined that he would have to explain such things to her for a college project. But there was no way out. He couldn’t let her ask at home. The teachers at college might think that all students were aware of such topics, but he knew Naina better. And he also knew her family. She would be dealt with slaps first and questioned later. Not to mention, her education might also be put under threat. And given what he had seen, it seemed even Preeti had some topic that she wasn’t able to discuss freely. He needed to protect Naina, and even Preeti. And for that he needed to do two things – first he would have to find some more facts about condom himself, if not from intimacy angle, then he could at least tell Naina about it from a scientific angle, and second, he needed to know about Preeti’s topic.

He looked down at Naina, who was still looking completely confused, “Naina, dekho main tumko hamare topic ke baare me sab samjhaunga. Par aaj nahi. Kal subah. College thoda jaldi aa paogi?”

She frowned, “par aaj kyun nahi?”

Since the classroom was empty, he took the chance, pulling her close, he wrapped an arm around her, “bharosa karo. Thoda sa waqt do bas. Main jaanta hun condoms ke baare me, par tumhe samjhane ke liye puri jaankari haasil karna chahta hun. Bas waada karo ghar pe kisise nai puchogi.”

She nodded, “thike. Main kal 12 baje ke badle 11 baje college aa jaungi.”

He rubbed her back, “haan. Sahi rahega. Aur suno, ghar jaake pata lagana zara ke Preeti ka kya topic hai project ke liye. Mujhe janna hai.”

Again, she nodded, perplexed at the determined expression on his face.

Naina went home and talked to Preeti as soon as she had the chance. Preeti frantically explained that Swati and her topic was about sanitary napkins. And she mentioned that a few other groups also had the same topic. “Ghar pe pata chala to kaisa halla machega, socha hai Naina”, she whispered.

Naina was lost in thoughts. Sameer had understood that Preeti had some concern with her topic. So, did this mean their topic was along similar lines. Girls never talked about sanitary napkins, so maybe boys didn’t talk about condoms. Was that it? But then Sameer had said it was a thing used by married couples. So, it’s not just boy thing. What was it then? She sighed, wanting the morning to arrive soon, so she can have some answers.

Sameer spent the evening and morning reading as much as he could and picking up magazines and old newspapers from public library as reference. He tried to calm himself down, repeatedly telling himself that he needed to be objective about the topic. He reached the college and waited around for Naina, who came in sharp at 11am. They went inside, and Sameer guided her to an unused classroom on the first floor.

“Preeti ke topic ka pata laga?”, he asked sitting beside her on the bench.

She blushed, nodding, “haan… par…”

He frowned, “kya hua? Unka topic bhi same hai kya?”

“N…nahi”, she stammered, unsure how to tell him, “par… ladkiyo wali baat hai.”

His brows furrowed as he tried to place her words, “sirf ladkiyo wali baat… matlab… sanitary napkins ya pills?”

She looked up, her cheeks red, eyes wide. He held her hand, linking their fingers, “Naina, main sirf isiliye jaanna chahta hun taaki agar Preeti ko bhi koi reference material chahiye to main dhundne me madad kar saku. Main nahi chahta ke tumhare ghar pe koi problem ho. Usko batane ki zarurat nahi hai ke main help karunga, ya mujhe pata hai. Par tum to mujhse sab kuch share kar sakti ho na.”

Naina looked down thinking for a moment. She recalled Preeti’s frantic expressions and realized that Sameer was right. If there was any help needed, there was no one who could help Preeti and Swati except Sameer. Inhaling hard, she mumbled, “sa…sanitary napkins…”

“Thike”, he nodded, squeezing her hand in assurance, relieved that she had understood and shared with him. Maybe that would make things easier.

She suddenly looked up curiously, “par tumko kaise pata chala?”

He shrugged, “tumne kaha na ladkiyo wali baat hai. To usise. Waise bhi Naina hum dono ne science padha hai, itna to pata hoga na. Isme sharmaneki konsi baat hai.”

She was surprised by his matter-of-fact tone, and she had more questions, but chose to focus on their own topic rather, as the curiosity was killing her since yesterday, “okay woh jaane do. Hamare topic ka batao mereko. Marks score karne hai to project achche se karna padega.”

He swallowed, trying to frame his words together, “umm… Naina, shaadi ke baad husband-wife ke relationship me kuch badlaav aate hai. Woh kareeb aate hai. Mujhe nahi pata tum kitna jaanti ho…par…”, he explained only to be cut off by Naina.

“Tum yeh sab kya bata rahe ho mujhe?”, she asked in shock, “sharam nahi aati.”

She tried to withdraw her hand his, but he held on tight, “ruko… main wahi to samjhane ki koshish kar raha hun Naina. Ke condoms husband-wife shaadi ke baad use karte hai. Ya fir tab jab ek ladka aur ladki ek dusre ke kareeb aate hai.”

Her confusion kept on increasing in leaps and bounds. She tilted her head, “par tum bhi to mere kareeb aate ho. Lekin humne to kabhi… yeh… yeh condom… jo bhi hai… use nahi kiya.”

His eyes widened for a moment, and then he let out a spurt of laughter. Oh God. She was so innocent. He looked at her adoringly wondering how his condition would be when they would move ahead in their relationship. As it is, it was second year of their college, and he hadn’t even dared try kiss her properly. Well, she had asked him a question, and he needed to answer.

He shifted closer and pulled her in his arms. She squirmed against him, “umm… kya kar rahe ho?”

He tightened his embrace, then leaned down near her ear, “hum sirf itne kareeb aaye hai Naina. Yeh to shuruat hai.”

She stilled, then tilted her head back against his chest, to look up at his face, “sirf shuruat?”, she whispered.

He smiled, “haan”. Then he dipped his head, brushing his lips against her hair, “iske aage aur bahot kuch hota hai. Kuch shaadi se pehle, kuch shaadi ke baad… par woh unn do logo pe nirbhar karta hai jo iss rishte mein hai.”

She clutched his shirt as his breath sighed through her hair, trying to wrap her head around the information that all they had been doing was just the beginning of a relationship. “Aur kya hota hai?”, she whispered.

Emboldened by her acquiescence, he trailed his lips to her temple, “umm… kiss hota hai”, he kissed her forehead, “aur uske aage bhi… tumne movies me kuch nai dekha kya?”

She blushed, “samajh nai aaya lekin.” Unknown to her she wrapped her arms around him, burying in his warmth.

He chuckled, pulling her even closer, “koi baat nahi, waqt aane pe main sab samjha dunga.”

He dropped another kiss on her forehead, then pulled back, “filhaal iss project ke baare me samjho. Aur usse pehle yeh samjho ke kuch saal baad hum shaadi karne wale hai, to iska matlab jaanti ho?”

She smiled, and tilted her head, “umm… matlab hum bhi condom use karenge?”

He choked, sputtering, as his breath caught, “h…haan w…woh bhi karenge”, he stammered, then calmed himself, “par aaj ke liye mera matlab tha ke tumhe kuch bhi kehna ho ya puchna ho to sharmana mat.”

She nodded, “thike… samajh gai. Ab batao.”

He pulled out one magazine from his bag, then recollected the exact hindi sentence he had framed for her, “condoms matlab nirodh. Parivaar niyojan ke liye istemaal kiya jaata hai. Aur sharirik sambhando se hone wale bimariyo se bachne ke liye bhi.”

She looked at the thin carvings on the desk, as if trying to memorize what had been inscribed by some students, but he knew she was thinking it over. Naina had multiple questions, and she tried hard to consider everything from just knowledge gaining purpose and nothing else.

She slowly looked up, “sharirik sambandh matlab? Jo humne abhi…”, she trailed off.

He shook his head, “nai… yeh nahi. Hamare liye woh waqt shaadi ke baad aayega, I promise. Lekin sharirik sambandh kisi bhi baalik ladke aur ladki ke beech me ho sakte hai. Iske hindi me aur kai naam hai, ek minute…”, he took out another magazine and gave it to her.

She skimmed through the page he had folded, trying to decipher the terms, but couldn’t really understand completely. She just gleaned that it was something too intimate, and it also mentioned about diseases which was her next question, “agar isse bimari hoti hai to log karte kyun hai?”

He took her hand again, providing the assurance of touch, of being there for her, “yeh koi kharab cheez nahi hai. Jaise tumhare periods hote hai na har mahine, waise hi yeh bhi natural hai pati-patni ke beech me. Aur fir, tumne school me padha hi hoga na, reproduction yaane ki maanav prajanan ke baare mein.”

She nodded, suddenly blushing to her the roots of her hair, and again tried to free her hand from his hold.

He didn’t let her go, “sharmao mat Naina. Tum batao mujhe, hamari shaadi ke baad tumhe bachche nai chahiye kya?”

Her eyes widened, and lips parted in surprise at his question. He almost chuckled, but controlled himself, gazing steadily at her. Finally, after a minute she relaxed slightly, “ha…haan.”

He smiled, “to fir uske liye yeh”, he tapped the magazine in-front of her, “yeh zaruri hai. Aur sirf bachcho ke liye nahi, jaise ke maine kaha yeh natural hai shaadi ke baad. To iss wajah se condoms use karte hai. Taaki pati-patni milke yeh decide kar sake ke unko kab bachcha chahiye aur kab nahi chahiye.”

“Le..lekin bimari?”, she stammered.

He turned a page over in the magazine, “yeh padho. Yahan saaf tarike se likha hai ke STD yaane ki yaun sancharit rog kaise failta hai. Agar hum ek se zyada logo ke saath aise sambandh rakhte hai, ya fir protection yaane ke condom use nai karte, to fir aisi bimariyo ke chances zyada hai. Aur yeh infected blood, matlab kisiko aisi bimari ho aur uska khoon tumhare sharir me chala jaaye usse bhi hota hai.”

She read the text and frowned, “ek se zyada? Aisa koi kyun karega?”

He shrugged, “karte hai kuch log. Aur fir aise bhi log hote hai jo shaadi se pehle bhi aise sambandh rakhte hai.”

“Iska matlab dhoka dete hai?”, she scowled.

He sighed, “nahi Naina. Sab kuch itna seedha nahi hota duniya mein. Yeh sab main fir kabhi samjhaunga tumko, pakka. Lekin tum mujhe itna gusse se dekhna bandh karo, main kisi aur ladki ke paas nahi jaa raha tumhe chodke.”

She glared at him, but then her lips slowly curved into a smile. She looked back at the magazine, “lekin agar yeh condom itna zaruri hai to hume kabhi koi batata kyun nahi hai iss baare me? Aur yeh milta kahan pe hai?”

He took out a newspaper now, “condoms zaruri hai, lekin India me problem hai education aur society ki. Jaise tum hichkicha rahi thi sanitary napkins ke baare me batane se. Thik waise hi log hichkichate hai condoms ke baare me baat karne se, yahan tak ke use kharidnese bhi sharmate hai.”

“Yeh dekho”, he pushed the newspaper towards her, “condoms aaj ki daur me nai balki alag alag type me 15^th century se milte aa rahe hai. India me 1940 se milte hai, lekin bahot mehenge hote the. Fir IIM yaane Indian Institute of Management ki team ne government ko sujhaav diya ke woh bahar ke desho se khaas manufacture karvake India me saste daam me beche. Sabse pehla brand India me Nirodh naam se becha gaya.”

She looked at the old article, then up at him again, “fir?”

He continued explaining, “sabse badi problem yeh thi ke log kharidna nahi chahte the ya fir sharmate the. Isiliye government ne radio, newspaper, TV sab jagah advertise karna shuru kiya. Parivar Niyojan Kendra me free me diya jaane laga couples ko. 1969 me gaanv ke post offices me bhi becha jaata tha yeh saste daamo me. Aaj kal bhi milta hai, aur chemist ke har dukan me milega. Tumne 1986 me release hui Anubhav movie agar dekhi ho, to usme bahot achche se dikhaya gaya hai ke log kitna sharmate hai, aur yeh bhi kaha gaya hai ke nirodh kharidne me sharmane ki koi baat nahi hai. Balki woh zaruri hai.”

He paused wondering whether to add more or not, but then continued, “pehle sirf government ke dwara banvaya gaya Nirodh brand hi milta tha, par ab dusra ek brand bhi milta hai.”

“Konsa?”, she asked curious.

He bit his lip, taking a moment, “KamaSutra… TV pe advertisements bhi aate hai.” Naina recalled an instance when an ad had come in between chitrahaar, where a woman was in shower, but Taiji had shooed off Naina and Preeti from there into the kitchen. However, she recalled hearing the name Sameer mentioned.

She nodded. The she asked, “yeh sab married couples use karte hai?”

He carefully chose his words, “haan karna sabko chahiye. Par kuch log ab tak hichkichate hai kharidne me.”

She read the information spread in-front of her, then asked the question that was pricking her since he had started talking, “Sameer… Tumne Preeti ke topic me pills bola, woh kya hai?”

He almost slapped his forehead, how could he not know she would ask, “ummm… woh bhi parivar niyojan ke liye hi hai. Bas farq itna hai ke woh tablets hai jo aurte leti hai. India me abhi jaise Mala-D milta hai.”

Again, she recalled seeing a Mala-D ad in newspaper, but not understanding what it meant, “iska matlab condoms ladke lete hai? I mean unki davai hoti hai?”

His eyes widened, “uhh…ummm… nai… woh davai ki tarah khate nai hai. Pehente hai.”

She looked puzzled, “pehente hai? Matlab? Kapde ki tarah?”

He flushed, and squirmed uneasily, “haan. Waise hi. Par… sirf ek body part pe.”

She stared at him curious. He had explained so much to her, but at this point, he was blushing and feeling uneasy. She almost smiled on seeing him. She had never thought she would discuss such things with a boy, or even listen to someone like this. He had made sure she didn’t feel uncomfortable, supporting each of his statements with a fact from magazine or newspaper. Well, she could let go of one question, if what he said was true, and she was sure it was, then after their marriage she would get the answer to it.

She rubbed her thumb over the back of his palm, letting him know she was fine, “Hmm…ek akhri sawaal hai. Yeh condom dikhta kaisa hai?”

He sighed in relief, he had no idea how he would have explained where a man would wear condom. Smiling, he opened the first magazine he had brought out, and slid it to her. This was an English magazine, with advertisements for KamaSutra as well as Durex, and the page showed a picture of condom. She looked at it, and finally had a picture to go with all the descriptions and explanations she had read. He handed over a few other magazines to her, “yeh lo, apne paas rakho. Isme aur details hai. Tumhe jab time mile padhna, lekin gharwalo se sambhalke. Aur jo bhi sawaal ho mujhse puch sakti ho.”

She nodded, “thike. Lekin ab project ke liye hum kaise karenge. Agar log ise kharidne mein sharmate hai to hamare saath baat bhi kaise karenge?”

He closed his bag, “maine uss baare me bhi socha thoda. Dekho pehle to hume 5-6 questions banane hai na, woh karte hai. Fir logo se puchne hum Satellite ya Prahlad Nagar ke areas me jayenge. Yahan se dur hoga to tumhare koi pehchaan wale nahi milenge, aur wahan zyadatar ameer aur padhe-likhe log rehte hai, shayad humse baat karle.”

She nodded and looked at her watch; it would soon be time for the classes to start. Sameer also checked the time, “chale Naina? 15 minutes me class shuru hogi.”

Naina stuffed the magazines in her bag and stood up. Sameer smiled at her, and then took a step towards the door, but she caught his hand.

He turned back to her, “kya hua?”, he asked thinking she might have some more questions.

To his surprise, she flung herself in his arms, “thank you! Maine kabhi nahi socha tha ke main kisise aise baat kar paungi.”

He held her close, “tum mujhse koi bhi baat kar sakti ho. Hamesha. Kyunki yahi sahi hai.”

As she stood in his embrace, absorbing his warmth, she believed him. Her heart felt light, so she teased him, “Sameer… tum bhi sharmaoge kya chemist ke saamne? Jaise abhi mere saamne sharma rahe the.”

He chuckled, and then cupped her face, tilting her head back, “Miss. Naina Agarwal bas ek baar Mrs. Maheshwari ban jao. Fir dikhata hun tumhe kon sharmata hai. Aur haan…”, he dipped his head, brushing his lips over the smooth skin of her cheeks, “tab tumhare uss sawal ka jawab bhi tab de dunga. Practical demonstration ke saath.”

She gasped as he pulled her tight against him, his lips trailing along her jaw as her hands dug in his back. He rubbed his nose against hers, “tab tak ke liye, I love you, aur isise kaam chalana padega tumko”, he said and kissed her nose. Then he drew back and looked at her lips, “haan magar… kaho toh…”

She blushed and tickled him, escaping from his hold, and rushed to the door. She turned back once, “kahungi… agli baar pakka”, and fled, leaving him surprised and waiting for next time.