Love Me Tonight Chapter 4: The Restless Search

Housed in a polychromatic heritage structure with limestone exteriors, the J N Petit Institute Library stood tall and proud, in the busy Fort area, a proof of the city’s spirit as it transitioned from Bombay to Mumbai. The high-ceiling interiors with two floors and a mezzanine were full of history and information, collected in the pages of books that were painstakingly maintained over the years. The reading room was big, spacious and sported stained glass portraits of the Petit family. Row after row of neatly lined up books with their spines facing outward, provided a sense of deep comfort to Naina.

It had been a week since she had started working here, and there was never a moment of regret. The life in library was slow, the pace entirely different from an accounting firm, and there was a lull in the air that pulled one in to just sit with a book and lose oneself in some another world. That didn’t mean there was no work here… Such an old place had its own quirks and problems… The ceiling was too high, and the fans were old time type with long rods so that they hung low enough to circulate air around. Cleaning them was a task that wasn’t done often, especially in the areas where lesser people ventured, like the history aisles. Some lights also didn’t work, probably they had flickered off sometime, and no one bothered to get them replaced. She had also seen rats in some corner, and had shrieked disturbing the tranquility of the library. And then there were the walls and cabinets themselves… Peeling paint was common, ants running through the cracks on walls were natural because the library was cooler than the outsides, and some of the cabinet doors creaked eerily when opened or closed. All of this couldn’t be fixed in a day, but Naina had ensured to start with the fans. Having fluffs of dust fall on the table and patrons were not a good way to attract membership.

The other lady in the library was Ujwala, the one who had given Naina the tour when she had accepted the job, and had instructed Naina to not address her as madam, but rather atya. Ujwala was more than 50 years old, widowed, and lived alone. Her son, daughter-in-law and granddaughter had move out of India. She could have left her job and gone with her son, but she didn’t want to leave the house that had memories of her late husband. She had been working in this library since many years, and continued to do so because she enjoyed meeting new people. With Naina in the library as the subordinate incharge, she didn’t have to worry anymore about the daily tasks that were hard owing to her age. Also in this one week she had already understood that Naina truly loved books, and also was helpful to all the people who came here. It seemed the job had been given to the right person.

There were other staff too in the library, mostly girls, but there was one young man named Anmol who had a deep interest in history. He was the one to introduce Naina to the restricted sections of the library, where rare books were kept. Most of them were the original copies, some handwritten manuscripts, old and exceptionally well-maintained religious books, and even newspapers from over 100 years. It was a treasure trove as per Naina, and she had queried why this section didn’t have more protection apart from the locks on cabinets. Anmol had laughed and asked who would even think of stealing these; people only valued things that glittered. That was true, Naina thought, there were very few in this world who truly understood the value of knowledge, the joy of the misty smell in yellowed pages of old books, the sensuousness of running the fingertips over names embossed on covers of books.

The library stayed open from 7am to 8:30pm… Naina would come early, usually dot at 7am, but she would leave little early by 6pm, because she had a bit of travel and didn’t like to leave much late. Ujwala would come in by 9am and leave by 7:30pm. Anmol and another girl called Poonam were the last ones to leave, and lock the library behind them. All three, Naina, Ujwala and Anmol had a set of keys to the main door, but the cash register keys and other important keys were only there with Naina and Ujwala. The lunch hour was usually from 1pm to 2pm, and there was small canteen at the back of the library that served meagre food, but was mostly used for tea and coffee. It wasn’t easy as she had to get up fairly early and had to travel by train, but the hardships didn’t deter her because she had chosen this life for herself.

In this one week Naina had also found a home for herself in one of the older apartments in Borivali West. Anything closer than that to Fort was much too expensive for her. Even Borivali was expensive, but she could say she had lucked out. The apartment she had found was old construction, there was limited parking space, and the overall size of the room was small. Plus it didn’t come with any ready furnishings. It wasn’t much, but it was all that she could afford at the moment. Additionally the landlord had agreed to suffice with only one month advance rent, instead of the stipulated two months, because the paint was old and Naina had bargained saying she wasn’t asking for anything to be included in the apartment at all. Though honestly, she thought that the landlord had agreed because he didn’t want to argue with a girl that was the age of his daughter.

Naina was happy with the find, the problem however was that it was literally bare, so it was nearly impossible to shift immediately, in fact she hadn’t shifted yet. When she had finalized the apartment she had given up the room at Metro residency, and had shifted to another budget hotel named Omkar Regency which was near Borivali west railway station, closer to her new found home. In the last three days, apart from working at the library she had also tried to accomplish as much as she could in her apartment. First had been the lights, and she had chosen tube-light for the small living room, but bulbs for kitchen and bedroom, thinking she could upgrade later in the coming months. The landlord had thankfully helped with the cylinder, and had also agreed to lend a spare gas burner until she could afford one for herself. The landlord’s wife, upon knowing that she was staying alone, had helped her locate a few second hand items like a mattress, a shelf and a small table. Just yesterday, from a nearby shop, she had bought some basic utensils, and had taken great pleasure in getting her own name inscribed on the shining steel.

She had checked the newspapers daily and had also asked Anmol and Ujwala Atya for reference to more places that would sell second hand items. Ujwala Atya had said she could loan a couple of chairs and table that were lying useless at her home. At first Naina had refused, but then agreed thinking she could definitely return them as soon as she got new ones. She was excited today as it was Saturday which meant library would close early, and she wanted to shift to her new home. Her bank account was already set up in a branch near her home, and she had dutifully noted down all expenses she had made until now. The sum looked huge, but then it wasn’t everyday she was setting a new life for herself. Thankfully she had had lots of help; otherwise she couldn’t imagine how much all the furniture would have costed, even if she had stuck to second hand stuff.

That day at lunch time Poonam asked, “aree Naina… tum naye ghar me shift ho rahi ho… Hume bulaogi nahi?”

The sight of the bare rooms and meagre furniture flashed in-front of her eyes, and she mumbled, “umm… aisa kuch khaas toh hai nahi… choti si jagah hai.”

Anmol countered, “toh kya hua… humko kamsekam naye ghar me chai toh pila sakti ho na.”

“Lekin… mere paas toh kuch bhi samaan…”, Naina started to suggest.

But Ujwala interrupted, “hume pata hai tumhare paas zyada samaan nahi hai beta… Aur yeh bhi pata hai ke tum koi function nahi kar rahi… Lekin naye ghar me logo ko bulana shubh hota hai… Hum sab toh tumhare dost hi hai na?”

Naina smiled at that, and after a brief thought she agreed, “theek hai… kal dopahar ko chalega?”

“Daudega”, Anmol grinned, “kya khilaogi?”

Naina chuckled, “mujhe kuch zyada nahi aata… phir bhi sochungi.”

That day while returning from the library, Naina bought some fruits, sweets, flowers and dhoop-batti, and then checked out from the hotel. The journey home was short, but she had to take a taxi owing to the luggage she had. She did a small puja at the door, marked it with a kumkum swastika, and then entered inside. When she had left Phulla Bua’s home she had brought along a small Ganesh idol that she usually kept in her room, and now she placed it on small shelf in the kitchen after lining it with newspaper. Along with the utensils she had bought, she had also gotten a small glass, dish and diya. The flickering flame as she lit the diya pleased her, and the incense gave out the sweet aroma of jasmine. She had forgotten to buy an incense stand, and so she plucked a banana from her food shopping, and inserted the incense stick in it. She had no idea if the mahurat was good for shifting in a new home, but she figured when her entire life was changing such small details didn’t hold much importance.

As the sun started to set, Naina stepped out once more to go to the nearby vegetable market. She had planned to make pav-bhaji for the guests… It was a Mumbai staple, but Bua-dadi had taught her some tricks of a healthier version, and frankly she found it more delicious than the ones at roadside stalls she has tasted in the last one week. She hoped everyone would like it, because making a full meal was out of her league. She wouldn’t have enough utensils and also her roti never came out round. The thought of utensils also reminded her that she would have to find some disposable dishes, and luckily a stall at the market was selling Patravali. It was perfect… She got a packet of milk as well, thinking that she needed to find out from her neighbors about someone who would bring milk every day. The amount of vegetables she bought was limited because she didn’t have a refrigerator yet, and that wasn’t even on her list of important items.

That night she wanted to feel the peace and happiness of a new life, but to her astonishment as she lay on the mattress on the floor, she remembered bua-dadi and Sameer, the two people who would never ever want to see her again. For Sameer she was a one-night stand, an escape from his heart-ache, and a source to relieve his sexual need. For bua-dadi she was a sinner who had done something unimaginable and broken her trust. She didn’t miss her family… It was just these two people… The mattress on the floor felt uncomfortable, she had spread a cotton dupatta on it as she hadn’t bought a bedsheet yet, and also there was no pillow… As she slept on it, she remembered how after coming to Mumbai she would have nightmares and bua-dadi would come to her room, ask her to sleep on her lap and then stroke her head until she fell asleep. She rubbed her arms, trying not to cry, and remembered the warmth she had felt when Sameer had wrapped his arms around her, asking her to sleep. Why couldn’t she have had such simple happiness in her life? Ever since she was a kid, Chachaji had taught her that every good we did always came back to us in some way or the other. She had never hurt anyone yet why did everyone hurt her? She had never thought bad of anyone yet why there wasn’t an ounce of happiness in her life? Quite contrary to the happy serene night in her imagination, she cried herself to sleep that night, once more with the lights on as she feared the nightmares.

Sunday morning was bright and clear; Naina woke up early, reheated the milk and made some tea for herself. The demons of darkness had dissipated in the bright sunlight, but the traces lingered in the dark circles beneath her eyes. She didn’t know why she was suddenly feeling very emotional, as if she would burst into tears without any reason. As she washed the cup and pan, she attributed the feeling to the nightmares that hadn’t left her alone last night. Twice… She had woken up twice shivering and shaking, tears streaking her cheeks, and both the times it had taken her more than thirty minutes to go back to sleep. However, she didn’t have any time to contemplate about her sorry state now. Setting the vegetables to boil in a pressure cooker, she quickly swept and cleaned her home, and then went to take a bath. She had bought a medium sized bucket and a mug. The hotel she had stayed in had a little packet of soap, which was a surprise because it was a budget hotel, but nevertheless she had been happy about it and sneaked one bar. She had kept it in a small dish on the side of the sink so that it could be used to wash hands. For her bath she had bought soap and shampoo, and a detergent bar for washing clothes. But now as she washed her clothes she realized that she would also need a brush to get rid of the dirt from the collars and scrub her jeans. She made a mental note of it, and then spent some leisurely minutes in shampooing her hair and taking a bath.

Cooking the bhaji was easy, but she hoped she had more stuff in kitchen, like a mortar and pestle, because she had no way of making ginger-garlic paste. This time she tried to chop them as fine as possible, and then used a glass to mash them lightly, hoping it would work. It took her a little more than an hour to do everything, because she was cooking for so many people for the first time, and also she was not exactly adept at the art yet. At bua-dadi’s home, Pushpa always cooked, and some days they both would teach her a few things.

Sharp at 12pm there was a knock on the door, and Naina opened it to reveal her three colleagues; their arms loaded with… gifts… She wasn’t expecting it, and started to feel even more apprehensive now of the size of her home, how bare it was, and the obvious lack of comfort. However, the three of them seemed not to mind at all. Ujwala Tai asked if she had placed any photo or idol of God, and when Naina showed her the small Ganeshji in kitchen, she prayed and placed a box of homemade laddoos as an offering. Poonam insisted on seeing the house and exclaimed at the tiny balcony through her bedroom, and suggested, “yahan ek-do paudhe rakhna… achcha lagega.” Anmol just sniffed the air and declared that he was going to enjoy the meal today. If they noticed the rolled up mattress they didn’t comment; if they saw that there was no cupboard, rather just a shelf that was covered with a dupatta, they didn’t ask; if they saw that there was almost zero items that could be considered comfort or entertainment, they didn’t mention. This made Naina feel grateful… And when they handed over the gifts Naina had tears in her eyes, because the things in there weren’t showpieces or stuffs that would show they had more privileges than her, but rather items that they knew she would need.

Anmol had brought a small portable radio and set of cups and saucers; Poonam had brought a set of bedsheet and matching pillow covers, and also a pillow; Ujwala Atya had brought a set of airtight boxes and spice box, and also an iron which she said was a spare from her home so essentially lying idle. Naina was so overwhelmed with the things that she didn’t know what to say, and could only manage a shaky thank you which was waived aside by the three of them, and Anmol added, “tension mat lo… hum jaante hai Mumbai me aake apni alag zindagi shuru karna asaan nahi hai. Tum me toh phir bhi bahot zyada himmat hai, maine kaafi logo ko wapas laut jaate dekha hai.”

Naina smiled but didn’t tell that she had this courage because she had no place to return to. The afternoon was fun as they all shared tales of Mumbai, and ate lunch. Naina felt happy when all of them praised her cooking. By the time they left, it was evening 6pm already and she had made tea for them. Afterwards she spent some time to arrange the gifts, and also spread the bedsheet. There was no dinner to cook, since she figured she could just make a sandwich with the leftover bread. She did some enquiries at her neighbor’s and arranged for the milk to be delivered from next day. Finally, at 10pm she decided to call it a night, since she would have to get up early the next day as she planned on cooking lunch for herself.

Meanwhile at the other end, Phulla Bua had tried her best to locate Naina, but once the bank manager had informed that Naina had closed her account she had lost all hope. She had called up Anand, Naina’s Chachaji, and informed him of Naina’s disappearance. To her extreme relief Anand had assured that he would come over the next day. Unfortunately, after a day, the people who had arrived were Naina’s entire family except Preeti and Arjun. Beena, Naina’s Taiji, stayed busy in slandering Naina’s chacarter. While Bela wept continuously worrying what had happened. On seeing all those people at her doorstep, Phulla Bua had immediately decided to not confide the reason behind Naina’s disappearance. If they got to know what had happened, none of them would even bother to find Naina.

They spent the remaining week doing the same exercise Phulla Bua had done, while she kept saying that they should inform the police. Ultimately Taiji voiced that Naina must have eloped with someone, and Tauji agreed to the theory saying that girl had already displayed her character when she had broken off her engagement for no reason at all. Anand tried to convince them to register a complaint, but Tauji said that he was not bothered about a girl who would disgrace her family, and wouldn’t put in any time and effort to find her. To no one’s surprise Rakesh also agreed, saying the girl had already gone out of hands and it was no use now. A police complaint would malign the family name and some of their relatives stayed in Mumbai. That was the last straw for Phulla Bua, and she decided that she was not going to tolerate it anymore.

The next morning, on Sunday, she ordered, “tum sab log aaj hi Ahmedabad wapas jaa rahe ho. Maine tickets mangwa li hai tum sabki… Raat ki train hai… Chale jaana aur yahan wapas mat aana kabhi.”

Everyone was shocked. Anand queried, “lekin buaji… Naina…”

“Naina kya”, Phulla Bua demanded, “tum logo ko kya farq pad raha hai woh mile ya naa mile? Kal hi keh diya na tumhare ghar ke mukhya ne ke Naina jaisi ladki se unka koi rishta nahi hai… Mar gai woh tum logo ke liye. Toh yahi sahi… Mera rishtha Naina se hai, aur jab tum logo ka rishta usse nahi hai toh mujhse bhi nahi hai.”

Taiji mumbled under her breath, “oh bai! Ab humne galat kya bola… Naak kata di ek toh ladki ne upar se inko badi hamdardi ho rahi hai usse.”

Phulla Bua countered, “haan ho rahi hai hamdardi… Kyunki Naina ko jaise khudse ladte hue maine dekha hai, tum logo ne nahi dekha hai… Tum log kya samjhoge uska dard, tum hi log toh wajah ho uske dard ki… Kabhi dhyan diya tha ke tum sabne milke kya haalat ki thi uski? Do hafte lage the usko muskurane me, aur aaj tak uske dil me khauf hai tum logo ka… Jab woh yahan aai thi, raat ko neend se uth jaati thi cheekhte hue… Pata nahi tum logo se darti thi ya kisi aur se… Sagai tut gai toh tum logo ne usko hi tod diya… Kabhi wajah pucha?”

Bela hesitantly queried, “aapko wajah pata hai?”

Phulla bua scoffed, “main tum logo jaisi nahi hun… Uski haalat dekhne ke baad maine usko yeh puchna zaroori nahi samjha ke woh rishta tuta kyun… Zaahir si baat hai ke woh khush nahi thi…”

“Woh ek ladki hai”, Tauji stated in a firm voice, daring to speak up against his elder.

“Toh?” Phulla Bua queried, “ladki hai toh jeena chod degi? Tum logo ke dikhawati samman ke liye suli chad jaaye? Aisi soch rakhne walo ka mere ghar me koi kaam nahi hai… Chup-chap apna samaan bandho, khao-piyo aur nikal jao… Baaki ka bacha hua waqt station pe guzaar lena… Puri tarah se toh nahi lekin shayad thoda samajh me aayega ke jab sir pe chat nahi hoti toh kaisa lagta hai. Aur haan… Aaj se mere saath tum logo ka koi rishta nahi hai… Naina ko toh main kisi bhi tarah se dhund lungi, aur jis din woh mujhe milegi na tum logo ko kabhi nahi bataungi.”

Bela stood up and pleaded, “buaji… aap jaane ko bol rahi hai toh hum aapke khilaaf nahi jayenge. Lekin agar aapko Naina milti hai ya uski koi khabar milti hai toh kamsekam mujhe toh bataiyega… Maine usko apni beti jaisi maana hai.”

Phulla Bua didn’t relent, “yahi toh taklif hai na Bela… Tumne usko beti jaisi maana hai… Beti nahi… Naina hamesha bina maa ki hi rahi… Aur agar tum iss baat ko jhuthlaana chahti ho toh apne dil pe haath rakhke bolo ke uss din jaise Naina ko ghar se bahar nikaal diya tha, agar wahi bartaav Preeti ke saath hua hota toh kya tum aur Anand chup rehte?”

Bela and Anand had no answer to this. Phulla Bua sighed, “mujhe toh sharam aa rahi hai yeh sochte hue bhi ke maine yeh ummeed rakhi thi ke tum logo me thodi insaaniyat hogi. Tumse achchi toh Pushpa hai… Khoon ka rishta nahi hai lekin phir bhi Naina ki fikar din-raat khaaye jaati hai usko. Bhagwaan se dua karungi ke Preeti ke liye jo ladka dhunda hai tumne, uske saath woh khush rahe warna pata nahi uska kya haal karoge.”

Just then the phone rang, and Phulla Bua picked it up. It was Preeti who had been calling twice daily to enquire about Naina. Phulla Bua firmly told her that there was no news of Naina, and that her family was returning today itself.

In another part of the city, as the evening set, Sameer sat in the balcony of his room, once more with a bottle of beer. But today somehow the alcohol wasn’t enough to drown his sorrows. He had spent the entire week calling every Agarwal from the phone directory, but no one knew of any Naina. There was one family who said one of their distant relative was Naina Agarwal, but when he asked if he could meet her, they said she was in their village, not in Mumbai. In fact she had never come to Mumbai, and he knew that it wasn’t his Naina.

He didn’t know how to find her… All these days he hadn’t even been able to sleep properly because every time he did, he would dream of her… The erotic recollections of that night wouldn’t leave him alone… It had felt so right… so perfect…

The feel of her skin… Perfect. The way she had responded to his kiss… Perfect. Her sighing breath in his ear… Perfect. His name from her lips… Perfect. The way she fit in his arms… Perfect. The clasp of her body as he entered her… Perfect. Her smile, her eyes, her shyness, her sensuousness… Everything was perfect…

Her image would pop up in-front of his eyes at any random moment without any warning. Just yesterday, he was in a meeting, and suddenly he had felt as if he heard her laugh. He had stood up and walked out of the conference room in between the meeting to find her, but there was no one outside… His desperation scared him, he had no idea what was happening to him. He didn’t know why he couldn’t give up on her… He just knew he couldn’t… He had to find her…

Should I put an ad in newspaper? All Naina Agarwal(s) in Mumbai are requested to contact Sameer Maheshwari immediately…

The shrill ring of telephone put a stop to his stupid thought process. He picked it up, and was puzzled on hearing the voice at other end, “Bhavna Tai? Aap… Iss waqt?”

Bhavna Tai said, “sahab… woh halwa banaya tha na aapke liye… bach gaya ho toh fridge me rakh dena.”

Sameer had no clue of what she was talking about, “halwa? Kitchen me hai?”

“Hey bhagwaan”, Bhavna Tai exclaimed, “aapne khaya nahi?”

Sameer replied, “nahi… maine ab tak khana nahi khaya.”

That earned a shriek from Bhavna Tai, “raat ke 10 baj rahe hai… khana kyun nahi khaya?”

He sighed, “bas aisai… main sab fridge me rakh dunga. Aap chinta mat karo.”

“Aree aise kaise”, she scolded, “fridge me rakhne ke liye thodi na khana banaya hai… Aap ruko main abhi aati hun…”

He tried to stop her, “Bhavna Tai… Suno…” But she had disconnected. He shook his head, not sure what to do. As he turned to the balcony once more, lifting the bottle to his lips, his eyes fell on the round glowing moon… And once again Naina’s face flashed in-front of his eyes… He didn’t know why but he was extremely worried. It was as if he could sense that Naina wasn’t happy or was in some trouble. Where was she? Who did she live with in Mumbai? What should he do to find her? Tears clouded his vision and he slid to the floor, not even trying to hide his tears this time… He was losing hope… He had never prayed in his life, but now he wished with all his will that someone would help him see the way.

He didn’t know how long he sat there crying, but suddenly Bhavna Tai was there, right next to him, “sahab?”

He jerked, wiping his tears, “h…haan… Tai…”

She looked shocked, “aap ro rahe hai?”

“Nahi toh”, he turned away, “aap itni raat ko kyun aaye?”

She prodded, “bataiye na kya hua hai… maine kabhi aapko aise nahi dekha…”

He stood up, “kaise? Main toh theek hun bilkul… bas aisai betha tha… beer pee raha tha.”

“Khana khaye bina?” She queried, “aap yaa toh khane se pehle peete hai, ya khane ke baad. Itne saalo me aap kabhi khana khana nahi bhule… Toh aaj kya hua? Kaafi dino se dekh rahi hun aap pareshan hai… Ajeeb ajeeb harkate kar rahe hai… Kuch hua hai kya? Ghar pe sab theek hai na?”

He tried to evade, walking away a few steps, “haan ghar pe sab theek hai… aap abhi jaiye Tai… main akela rehna chahta hun… Please.”

She was silent for a moment, and he thought maybe she left. But then she spoke up in a low voice, “Sameer sahab… aap mujhe Tai bulate hai, iska matlab badi behen hota hai… Lekin aap mere bete ke umar ke hai… Ajith pareshan hota toh mujhse dekha nahi jaata, waise hi aapki pareshaani bhi mujhse nahi dekhi jaa rahi. Ek hafte me aapki sehat bigad gai hai, aapne muskurana chod diya hai, khana theek se nahi khate hai… Maine bahot baar socha aapse puchu lekin phir lagta tha ke main toh sirf ek naukraani hun…”

“Tai”, he interrupted, “aisa mat boliye please… main sirf kehne ke liye aapko Tai nahi kehta, itne saalo se aapko aur aapke parivaar ko apni zindagi ka hissa maanta hun.”

“Toh phir bataiye na kya baat hai”, she persisted, “shayad main kuch madad kar saku.”

He sighed, “main ek hafte se kisiko dhund raha hun… par mil nahi rahi… samajh nahi aa raha kya karu…”

“Koi ladki”, Tai observed, “uh… aapki girlfriend… Sakshi…”

“Naam mat lo uska”, he suddenly thundered, “uski koi jagah nahi hai meri zindagi me.”

Tai was surprised but relieved to know that, “achcha hua chod diya usko aapne… mujhe toh bilkul pasand nahi thi.”

He was puzzled, “aap usse kab mile? Woh toh kabhi yahan nahi aai…”

“Aapke office ke paas wale bazaar me mili thi”, she responded, “Shanti ke saath wahan gai thi aur aap dono ko dekha… Main milne aai toh aap dukaan ke andar chale gaye, aur usne mujhe jaaneko bola… Jab maine pucha ke woh kaun hai, toh usne apna naam bataya aur mujhe bhaga diya… Usi din aapne mujhe bataya ghar pe ke aapki zindagi me koi khaas aa gai hai…”

He mumbled, “galat tha main… woh kabhi meri zindagi me thi hi nahi… Aur haan, maine usko nahi, usne mujhe choda… Ek hafte pehle… 16 October ko…”

She gasped on hearing the date, “iska matlab… uss raat… yahan woh nahi koi aur aai thi?”

He whirled around on hearing this, his eyes wide, “aapko kaise pata?”

She didn’t reply, but rather asked, “kaun thi woh?”

“Naina”, he whispered. And immediately a sense of calm dawned on his expressions, a smile curved his lips as he continued, “Naina naam hai uska… Mere school me thi… Uss din mujhe club me mili… Main nashe me tha toh usne mujhe akele aane nahi diya… Mujhe yahan tak le aai, mujhe sambhala, mera dhyan rakha… Aur maine… Maine uske saath wahi kiya jo main… jo main aaj tak kisi bhi ladki ke saath karta aaya hun… Meri bewakufi ke wajah se woh mujhe chodke chali gai… Poori raat mere saath thi, par subah meri aankh khuli toh woh jaa chuki thi… Tabse dhund raha hun usko…”

She listened to the tale in amazement. Having worked for Sameer for so long, she wasn’t exactly unaware of his lifestyle. He didn’t tell, but there were clues… The mark of lipstick on his clothes or the smell of ladies perfume… She had also seen the condoms in his drawer while cleaning. But until that night none of his adventures had stepped in the house… When she had started working, she had been shocked at his lifestyle, and had thought of him to be spoilt rich man. But slowly with time, she had got to know and understand him, and realized that he wasn’t bad at heart… Rather he was lonely, and maybe that was his way to find company… Anyways rich people had their own quirks… She had just ignored that part of his lifestyle. But since quite some time she had wished a good girl would come in her sahab’s life and home… When she had heard of Sakshi, she had thought even that hope was gone, because the girl was no good. But now Sakshi was gone, and he was suddenly talking about someone else… She had no idea who this girl was, but this was the first time Sameer was crying for someone… That girl has spent the night here, which in itself was another first for Sameer, and it seemed he had started to genuinely care about her. Her only concern was that what if that girl was also like Sakshi?

And so she asked, “woh yahan kyun aai thi?”

He looked genuinely confused, “bataya toh… maine pee rakhi thi isiliye mujhe akele aane nahi diya usne… maine mana kiya tha usko lekin maani nahi… kaash maine usse theek se baat ki hoti, usko samjhaya hota, usko bataya hota ke woh khaas hai…”

Bhavna Tai sighed… If that girl really cared for him enough to not let him drive in a drunken state, then maybe she was worth a chance… She enquired, “aapne pucha nahi ke woh kahan rehti hai?”

He shook his head, “galti ho gai… kuch bhi nahi pucha usko… yeh bhi nahi pata ke woh ghar kab gai… kaise gai… Bas itna pata hai subah 5 baje bhi mere saath hi thi… Directory me se saare Agarwal surname walo ko phone kar chuka hun, par koi Naina Agarwal ko nahi jaanta. Bahot yaad aati hai uski Tai… Baar baar uska chehra aankhon ke saamne aa jaata hai aur main sab bhool jaata hun… Samajh nahi aa raha kaise dhundu usko…”

Tai clucked her tongue, “mujhe aapko khane me badaam aur akhrot bhi dene chahiye… Yeh sharab se dimag kamzor ho gaya hai…”

He frowned, “matlab? Yeh kya bol rahe ho aap… Main Naina ki baat…”

“Main bhi wahi baat kar rahi hun”, she interrupted, “Woh aapke saath school me padhti thi na? Aapko idhar club me mili thi na?” He nodded, still perplexed. Tai continued, “toh phone book me kyun dhund rahe hai? Mumbai me kitne log bahar se aate hai, sabke naam se phone hota hai kya? Agar uska parivaar yahan nahi rehta, aur usne phone ki line naa li ho apne naam pe, toh phone book me kaise milegi woh?”

That made sense, he thought… But then… Where else could he find her? He asked in a frustrated tone, “directory me nahi hogi toh itne bade sheher me milegi kaise?”

Bhavna Tai huffed, “aapke school me thi toh aapne Ahmedabad me uske parivaar ko dhunda? Parivaar mil gaya toh uska pata bhi mil jayega na… Ya phir… Yahan jis club me mile aap usko, udhar jaake puchiye… Aapki tarah agar woh club me baar baar aati hai toh club wale usko jaante honge na… Waiter log yeh saari baat ki khabar rakhte hai…”

Sameer stood stunned for a moment, and then went inside his room, dumped the beer bottle in dustbin, pulled out some money from his wallet and handed it over to Tai, “yeh lijiye paise… kalse badaam aur akhrot de hi dena mujhe… Pata nahi yeh ideas mere dimag me kyun nahi aaye…”

She chuckled, accepting the money, “hota hai kabhi kabhi… kisi insaan ki itni fikar hoti hai ke saamne choti choti cheeze dikhti nahi hai, ya asaan se baatein samajh me nahi aati.”

He sighed, “haan… samajh hi nahi aa raha tha… Thank you Tai… lekin mujhe dikha kya nahi? Khana? Aur haan… aapko kaise pata ke 16 tareekh ko koi aai thi yahan? Subah toh nahi thi woh… Aur maine kamra bhi theek kar diya tha…”

Tai scoffed, “chaddar hatane ko kamra theek karna nahi bolte. Main toh tabhi samajh gai thi… Bina wajah aap chaddar kyun hatayenge… Aur… mujhe kuch mila bhi…”

Surprised, he asked, “kya?”

She opened his wardrobe, and pulled out the bottom corner drawer that he never used. Taking a polybag out of it, she handed it over to him, “yeh mila tha… jacket car me tha… kaan ki baliya bed ke pados wale table pe thi… aur yeh sirf ek payal thi bed ke neeche…”

Sameer pulled out the objects from the polybag, his breathing accelerating as he recalled how he had slipped off the earrings and suckled on her earlobes… The way her feet had curled when he had unhooked the anklet from her right leg and trailed open mouthed kisses up her shin… And the jacket… She hadn’t worn it… But there was the hazy recollection of her holding it in her hand, and throwing it on the back seat when she sat in the car… Just like he had thrown his suit jacket… Dear God… All of these things belonged to her… He dragged a deep shuddering breath, held up the jacket in his hands, buried his face in the soft folds and cried… For the first time in his life he didn’t even bother to control himself… Sobs wracked his body, but he couldn’t help it… The jacket smelled of leather and her… After one full week he felt as if he could feel her close… She wasn’t here, but her scent was…

Bhavna Tai was shocked on seeing him cry like that, and realized the matter was too serious… Maybe even he didn’t realize it himself, but she was sure he was in love for the first time in his life… Else he wouldn’t have been affected like this… She muttered a quick prayer, hoping the girl he was crying for was also missing him just as terribly and would love him back just as much… Going up to him she placed a hand on his shoulder, “sahab… roiye mat… mujhe yaqeen hai aap usko dhund lenge… Main madad karungi… Ajith aur Shanti bhi madad karenge…”

He sniffed, trying to wipe his tears discreetly, and then looked up, “thank you Tai… main kal hi school se aur club se pata laganeki koshish karta hun.”

Tai nodded, “haan… lekin usse pehle abhi aap bahar chaliye aur khana kha lijiye… Ladki ko dhundna aur usko manana asaan nahi hota… Taqat chahiye… Kamzor ho jayenge toh woh mana kar degi…”

He chuckled through his tears, “Naina alag hai tai… shakal aur paiso pe jaane walo me se nahi hai… main kamzor lagunga toh ho sakta hai meri fikar zyada kare…”

She clucked her tongue, “bilkul nahi… ulta who milegi toh aapko uska dhyan rakhna hoga… warna woh sochegi aapko uski chinta nahi hai… chaliye uthiye…”

Sameer obediently followed her outside, and sat on the table while she heated the food. He queried, “aap itni raat ko kaise aaye?”

“Ajith le aaya”, she said, “bahar khada hai.”

He frowned, “bahar kyun khada rakha hai? Andar aaneko kahiye na… Main kholta hun darwaza…”

As Sameer stood up and asked her son to come inside, Tai beamed with pride. She set the food, ordering him to eat, and he obeyed, thinking if Naina had eaten dinner and fallen asleep already. He didn’t know but just an hour ago, Naina had fallen asleep, but now as he remembered her with all his heart, she jerked upright with his name on her lips…

The beginning of the next week was normal for Naina, she stayed busy in arranging her things, settling in her new life. It was a new experience for her to get up so early to cook, and then travel to her work. When she was in the library she felt blessed to have so understanding colleagues, and also such a peaceful place to work in. Meanwhile on Monday evening as soon as Club Vortex opened, Sameer drove in; this time his stride was purposeful as he pushed open the door, refused a table, and looked around. He walked over to the counter, asking for the manager. As he waited, the waiter who had served him that night came over with the menus in hand, and exclaimed in surprise, “aree Sir aap… aaj itni jaldi?”

Sameer’s eyes narrowed, “tum mujhe jaante ho?”

The waiter fumbled a bit, “uh… sir… aap peechli baar jab aaye the tab maine hi aapko serve kiya tha.”

Sameer heaved a relieved sigh, “oh thank god… mere saath ek ladki thi yaad hai?”

“Aap toh akele aaye the”, the waiter reminded, “woh madam toh alag logo ke saath aai thi.”

Sameer nodded, “haan… tum jaante ho woh kaun thi? Yahan aati hai kya? Main usko dhund raha hun…”

The waiter suddenly looked at him suspiciously, “kyun?”

Sameer hesitantly said, “uhh… uska kuch samaan mere paas reh gaya hai…”

Before the waiter could reply, the manager walked over, “I am sorry sir… Hum kisi bhi guest ke details nahi dete kisi aur ko.”

Sameer urged, “par woh meri dost hai… hum saath padhte the… uss din bahot saalo baad mili achanak se par main address vagera puchna bhul gaya. Mujhe dhundna hai usko…”

The manager didn’t relent, “I am sorry sir… main aapki koi help nahi kar sakta.”

Sameer kept persisting and pleading for some time, even offered money, and then also argued, but the manager threatened to inform the police if he created any more trouble. Defeated, he walked out, staring at the street lights that were now lighting the parking lot, and punched the wall nearby in anger. He had been so hopeful of finding everything about Naina from here… Sighing he started to walk towards his car when suddenly there was low sound, as if someone was calling him.

“Psst… Sir…”, the sound came again.

Sameer looked around and spotted the waiter peeking around the corner, in the shadows. He quickly walked over, “kya?”

The waiter looked around, and Sameer realized that there was a back entrance there for the employees, and the dumpster was also kept in the shadows. Ensuring that no one was there, the waiter murmured, “woh madam sach me aapki dost hai?”

Sameer nodded, “haan… main usko school se jaanta hun… please tum kuch jaante ho toh bata do… main paise deneko taiyar hun.”

“Paise nahi chahiye sir”, the waiter assured, “uss din aap nashe me the tab woh madam aapka bahot dhyan rakh rahi thi… Main unko jaanta toh nahi hun, lekin woh Suraj saab ke saath thi… Unki dost hogi…”

Sameer’s eyes narrowed on hearing another man’s name, “kaun Suraj?”

The waiter informed in low voice, “iss club ke malik ke bete hai… Uss din unka hi birthday tha. Toh unhone apne sab dosto ko bulaya tha choti si party ke liye. Saare unke college ke puraane dost the, toh woh madam bhi unki college ki hi hogi.”

Hope sparked once more inside Sameer and he urgently queried, “Suraj hai yahan pe? Main mil sakta hun?”

The waiter shook his head, “nahi sir… birthday ke baad Suraj saab apne parivaar aur unke mangetar ke parivaar ke saath ghumne gaye hai… Videsh me kahi pe… Manager saab ne bataya tha ke 15 din baad aayenge.”

Sameer did quick calculation, “matlab ek hafta aur… bahot der ho jayegi… koi phone number ya kuch hai unka?”

Once more the waiter shook his head in negative, “nahi sir… sorry… mujhe itna hi pata hai…”

Sameer asked further, “koi baat nahi… college konsa tha pata hai?”

“Jee sir”, the waiter said, “H.R. College.”

Sameer grinned, and took out his card, “thank you mujhe batane ke liye… ek kaam karoge aur? Suraj wapas aaye toh mujhe iss number pe inform kar paoge?”

The waiter nodded, “jee sir… kar dunga.”

Sameer tried to offer him some money for the information, but the waiter refused, “it’s okay sir… woh madam uss din kaafi bada tip deke gai thi…” Sameer smiled, thanking him profusely once again, and then walked away with a new spring in his step.

That night he had a proper sleep after one full week… There was a firm way now of finding Naina, and also he had her jacket which was a source of solace for him, as he clutched onto it while sleeping. He had had a brief thought that his actions were bordering on insanity but he was okay with that for now… Once he found Naina he could sort his feelings, for now all his energy needed to be focused on finding her…

The same night Naina tossed and turned, unable to sleep… She read for sometime, but still there was a strange restlessness inside her. What was happening to her? The book she was reading was an old one, she had already read it twice before, but this time she was crying at odd places, something she had never done before. It was as if she was feeling all the emotions multipled a hundered times which made no sense. Also, she had had a good dinner, but she was still feeling as if she was hungry… She rubbed her belly… Well not exactly hungry, but she felt like eating something… She got up and went into the kitchen, looking around… There was nothing except the vegetables she had bought that day… But as soon as her eyes fell on the tomato, she knew she wanted just that… And perhaps a slice of bread… She didn’t know if something called as tomato sandwich existed in the world or not, but that night she sliced up tomatoes, putting them between two bread and sprinkled a bit of salt on it. The juicy moist texture made her moan, and she was a surprised how better she felt after eating that strange dish. In fact, she felt so fulfilled that she fell asleep as soon as she lay down, her dreams once more full of Sameer hugging her in his arms.

Next day in morning, he decided that even though he would surely get to know about her in a week, he wouldn’t sit idle until then. And so on Tuesday morning, he started with calling up his old school in Ahmedabad. The principal was still the same, and he smartly mentioned that he was calling because he wanted to give a donation to the school. That pleased the principal very much. After general chit-chat, Sameer started querying about the students from his batch, asking if someone visited. He was surprised to know that one of the students called Sanjay Tebriwal was going to start working as a teacher for primary section in coming year. Sameer wasn’t really interested in this news but it did give him an opening, “yeh Sanjay toh hamesha second aata tha na class me… Aapko toh who topper ko teacher rakhna chahiye sir… kya naam tha uska… uh… umm… haan… Naina… right?”

Principal jovially chuckled, “haan haan… Naina… Kaise bhool sakta hu usko main… Kitni hoshiyar ladki thi. Rakeshji toh ab tak yahin kaam karte hai, lekin Naina kaafi saalo se Ahmedabad me nahi hai.”

Sameer pretended to be confused, “uska parivaar Ahmedabad me hai toh woh kahan gai?”

“Suna hai Mumbai chali gai”, the principal informed, “Rakeshji kuch theek se batate nahi hai… Beech me itni khabar mili thi ke uski shaadi tay honewali hai… Phir kuch pata nahi. Peechle saal school ke reunion me tumhare batch ke sirf do students nahi the, tum aur Naina.”

Sameer had frozen in shock on hearing about wedding. Trying to drag in a breath, he queried, “shaadi… Naina ki shaadi… shaadi ho gai.”

Principal sir made a sympathetic sound, “nahi… hui nahi… tay hui thi ke nahi yeh bhi nahi pata. Bas ek din Rakeshji ne khushi me bol diya ke beti ki shaadi jaldi hi ho jayegi, aur jab maine bola ke Naina ki umar ab tak kam hai, toh woh gussa ho gaye… Tum toh jaante hi ho unki baate… Kehne lage hum jaise log nazar lagate hai. Phir kuch bole hi nahi kabhi… Reunion ke waqt Naina ke baare me pucha toh keh diya ke woh nahi aayegi. Khair… tum donation ki baat kar rahe the na… Tumhare nanaji English medium shakha…”

Sameer tuned out of the conversation, his mind occupied in what he had heard. Naina was about to get married… What had happened? Was she married? No… She couldn’t be… How would she be a virgin if she had been married? Also, if Naina was married or even committed to someone she wouldn’t have stayed with him… That much he was sure… Naina was pure, innocent, honest… She would never cheat on anyone. So did that mean that the wedding was never fixed? Did the guy reject Naina?

What a loser…

This thought was immediately followed by self-assessment, that he had been a loser as well to never understand her, and then treat her so casually after meeting her once more. Just then principal sir’s voice interrupted his thoughts, “Sameer… Sameer… Tum sunn rahe ho na?”

He jerked, “huh… haan… main sunn raha hun… Umm… English medium ka idea bahot achcha hai. Main Nanu se baat karke donation bhijwa dunga. Sir… ek aakhri sawaal hai… Yeh shaadi wali baat… matlab Naina ki shaadi wali baat kabki hai?”

Principal sir replied, “umm… kaafi pehle ki hai… Naina tab yahan college me padhti thi, first year me… shuru hi hua tha college bas… Tabhi maine kaha tha woh toh bahot choti hai. Lekin tum Naina ke baare me itna kyun puch rahe ho?”

“Main toh sabke baare me puch raha tha sir”, he immediately responded, trying to keep his voice casual, “lekin aapne shaadi ki baat ki na toh main wahi sochne laga ke mere kitne classmates ki shaadi ho chuki hogi.”

Principal sir chuckled, “haan… woh toh hai… Tumhare dono dosto ki shaadi ho gai. Kamya aur Swati ki bhi ho gai… Suna hai Preeti ki bhi honewali hai… Kya pata shayad Naina ki bhi ho gai ho ab tak… Tum kab shaadi kar rahe ho?”

Sameer smiled, “jaise hi koi ladki pasand aati hai kar lunga…”

They talked for couple of minutes more, with Sameer assuring about the donation. Later on as he drove to office, Sameer debated if he should go to Ahmedabad to find more information about Naina. But landing there unannounced wouldn’t do well… Nanu would ask… And also his mood would worsen because of his family. No… Ahmedabad wasn’t such a good idea… Maybe he should try the college here, see if there was a way to extract her information from there. However, that day he couldn’t find time to leave early from office. And so he went there next day, early enough that no classes had started yet.

As he descended from his car, dressed in black suit with a light peach shirt, he stared up at the sprawling structure. It was a weird feeling to know that Naina had studied here… Why did she choose this college? Who paid for her admission? How was her first day? What did she wear? Was her hair in pigtails like in school? He touched the iron gates lightly, and somehow his overactive imagination visualized Naina dressed in a pink churidaar, with open hair, rushing past muttering she was late for college. With a smile on his face he followed his imagination across the college grounds, inside the building, up the stairs to a classroom… Where would she sit? First bench… definitely… His padhaku Naina would surely sit on first bench. He slid in beside the blurry visual, leaning his elbow on the desk and placing his chin on his upturned palm… He could see her intensely focused in taking notes, raising her hand to answer a question before anyone else, and repeatedly tucking her hair behind her ear… Yes… She would have kept her hair open… Like that day in the club… And then keep tucking them behind her ear nervously… Well, she shouldn’t have to do that herself… He raised his hand, reaching out to touch her hair, but as soon as his fingers reached closer the mirage vanished. He frowned, looking here and there, and then sighed on realizing that Naina wasn’t really here… It was all his imagination… He was surprised at how real it had felt…

Closing his eyes he rubbed his forehead, maybe he was going mad. He was imagining Naina everywhere… The day wasn’t far when he would start seeing her in his bathroom as well… And just as he thought this, he chuckled… Well, that imagination wouldn’t be so bad… Seeing how fast she had taken to the concept of making love, he could show her a trick or two in the bathroom as well… Against the wall… or on the sink countertop…

“Kaun ho tum?” A sharp voice pulled him out of his fantasy…

Sameer jerked, and looked around… It was a peon, and he was scowling as he asked again, “jawaab kyun nahi dete… Kaun ho tum?”

Standing up from the bench, Sameer straightened his suit, “main yahan iss college ke Dean se milne aaya hun…”

The peon looked suspicious, “dean sir kya classroom me padhte hai? Aise kaise ghus gaye college me? Ho kaun tum?”

“Sameer Maheshwari”, he ascertained, “businessman hun… Dean se milna tha kyun mujhe ek student ki information chahiye.”

The peon looked him up and down, and mumbled, “itna budhdha toh lagta nahi hai ke beti padhti hogi college me.”

Sameer blinked, and grumbled, “beti nahi hai… ab tak toh shaadi bhi nahi hui.”

The peon smirked, “toh kya mangetar ko dhund rahe ho? Affair ka shaq hai kya?”

Irritated at the useless persistence, Sameer rolled his eyes, “tumhe itne sawaal puchneki zaroorat nahi hai… Bas yeh batao Dean kahan milenge?”

“Apne office me milenge”, the peon informed in a surly tone, “lekin ek ghante baad.”

Undaunted, Sameer replied, “theek hai… main wait karunga.”

As he started to sit down, the peon mocked, “oh saab… suit pehna hai toh college kharid nahi liya… bahar jao bahar… classroom students ke liye hai.”

Not wanting to create any scene, Sameer quietly went outside. There was a tea-stall outside the college gates, he bought one glass and leaned against his car sipping on it. Very soon students started to walk in the gates, and quite a few girls stared at him in open appreciation. While before he would have noticed this behavior and felt proud of it, today he was oblivious, his thoughts centered on the girl that wasn’t with him and yet was dominating his life. He had even carried her anklet in his pocket since yesterday, and he didn’t even consider it madness.

After an hour, he went inside once again, this time asking about Dean’s office to some student. However once he reached there he realized he had come totally unprepared. There was no background story in his mind about why he was looking for Naina all of a sudden like this, and just calling her his friend wasn’t enough. He also didn’t want to demean a professor by offering money since somehow he knew Nanu would be totally against this act of his… And so after an unsuccessful fifteen minutes he took leave. He felt sad about his lack of success, but at the same time there was some peace in his heart upon knowing that he was at a place where Naina had come daily for few years.

Wednesday to Friday was difficult for him, and he couldn’t tolerate the inaction. He had talked to Nanu once in this time, and had refrained himself several times from asking about Naina. Suraj would be back in coming week, just a few days more but it seemed too long… However, Friday afternoon something happened that gave him another opportunity. A buyer had defaulted on payment of a big consignment, and to his extreme surprise it was a well-known retailer in Ahmedabad. There it was… A chance… An opportunity and he grabbed it… It was a day’s work, meet the buyer on Saturday morning and resolve the matter. He could have sent anyone, but he told his secretary that he wanted to go himself, as he needed to meet his family. He informed Nanu of his arrival, asked Bhavna Tai to pack his bag, and took the last flight out. Usually he would sulk when he had to go to Ahmedabad, but this time he smiled. He looked forward to meeting Nanu, his friends, and of course… find out more about Naina somehow.

Nanu was extremely surprised on hearing about this trip, but that didn’t stop him from feeling excited. He warned his daughter to not spoil Sameer’s mood and then went to pick him up from the airport himself. It was a happy reunion, but Nanu immediately caught on to his restlessness and asked, “kya baat hai? Koi tension hai kya beta?”

Sameer lied, “nahi toh Nanu… bas wahi payment wali baat.”

“Jhooth mat bolo”, Nanu gently admonished, “paiso ke liye tum kabhi pareshan nahi hote. Baat kuch aur hai… Woh ladki toh theek hai na, jiske baare me tum batate bhi nahi ho ab tak… Peechli baar bola tha surprise dunga, par phir kuch bole hi nahi.”

Sameer scoffed, “usne mujhe surprise de diya Nanu… Please uske baare me baat mat kijiye… Aur main uske liye pareshan nahi hun… She doesn’t deserve it. Already bahot gadbad kar chuka hun uski wajah se…”

Nanu was worried, “kaisi gadbad? Main kuch…”

Sameer interrupted, “Nanu… please… main aapse jhooth nahi bolna chahta. Par jo baat hai woh main abhi kisiko nahi batana chahta… Bas aisa samajh lijiye ke zindagi me pehli baar kuch sahi karneki koshish kar raha hun, khud se… Mujhe karne dijiye…”

Nanu stared at him for a moment, and then sighed, “theek hai beta…”

As the car sped along, Sameer enquired about his friends, but not about his mother. When he reached home, no one apart from Rohan was seen downstairs, and he understood that Nanu must have warned them. He felt grateful about this… Ramdhari was happy to see him, and decalred that he was thin and needed to eat… Laughing a bit, Sameer went to his old room, freshened up and then came back down for dinner. To his surprise Rohan was also there at the dining table, and he queried, “tum yahan kya kar rahe ho? Sona nahi hai tumhe?”

Rohan had a hesitant smile, “uh… sabne khana kha liya toh maine socha main aapki wait kar leta hun… aap akele khayenege toh…”

“Main Mumbai me roz akele hi khata hun”, Sameer interrupted.

Rohan nodded, “jaanta hun… lekin ghar aake bhi akele kyun khayenge? Aur mujhe aadat hai late khane ki… koi special baat nahi hai.”

Sameer smirked, “kyun? Itni late tak girlfriend se baate karte ho?”

As Ramdhari served them, Rohan blushed, “koi girlfriend nahi hai bhai… office ka kaam seekh raha hun… Nanaji ke saath…”

That information was expected but still it hurt… It could have been him… He could have gone to office with Nanu, learned work with him and taken over charge… But instead he was alone in Mumbai, and Rohan had once again taken his place… His fist clenched at the thought…

Rohan saw it, and murmured softly, “sorry bhai… main kamre me jaata hun…”

Sameer closed his eyes, trying to control his anger, and he somehow recalled the way Naina had cupped his face, kissing him, telling him without words that she wanted him. She had kissed his forehead first, something no woman had ever done to him… The care and affection in that one gesture calmed him down, and he sighed, “it’s okay Rohan… betho yahin pe… I am glad tum Nanu ke saath ho office me unki help karneke liye.”

Rohan’s eyes widened, “really?”

Sameer opened his eyes and smiled a bit, “mujhe bura laga thoda, honestly… Lekin Mumbai ki life maine khud chuni hai… Toh complain karneka mera koi haq nahi hai.”

Nanu overheard this exchange from the kitchen where he had gone to get a drink of water, and was surprised at his grandson’s calm attitude. When Rohan had mentioned about office, he had thought Sameer would burst out… And he almost had… But something had calmed him down… What was it? Was it a woman? Was there someone about whose care and love he was sure of and so he wasn’t competing with Rohan anymore? Was that the good work he was talking about? There were many questions, but he knew he wouldn’t get any answers until Sameer was ready. He decided to let go of it for now. Instead he took out ice-creams in three bowls and went to the dining table to enjoy it with both his grandsons, glad that the tension between them had lessened briefly.

On Saturday morning, Sameer was up early, which surprised Nanu. And then he said something which astonished him even more. “School?” He queried, “tumhe school kyun jaana hai?”

Sameer bit the inside of his lip, “uhh… maine principal sir se baat ki thi thode din pehle kyunki main kuch naye donations shuru kar raha hun… Tax reasons… Toh socha school se hi shuru karta hun shubh kaam. Unhone English medium section ke baare me bataya… Isiliye ab aaya hun toh soch raha hun milke pehle cheque de du…”

Nanu was happy about this, but he also guessed there was something more, and so he asked, “isse tumhare woh sahi kaam me bhi madad milegi?”

Sameer shrugged, not hiding it, “shayad… main sure nahi hun… lekin phir bhi jaana chahta hun… Peechle kuch dino me main realize kiya ke mere paas life me bahot kuch tha… rishte, mauke, dost… lekin maine theek se kadar nahi ki… Uss waqt ehsaas hota to shayad aaj life kuch aur hoti… Ab ehsaas hua hai lekin waqt palat nahi sakta, par kuch nayi koshishein toh kar sakta hun…”

Nanu didn’t know what had happened in Sameer’s life, but after many years he was once more seeing a depth in his character and thoughts, something that had been missing since he had come back from London. While he was a teenager this side of him was rarely visible to anyone, maybe just to him and his friends, but now that he was a man capable of handling responsibilities, it seemed, he was not afraid anymore to show that he was not as shallow as everyone thought. This change pleased Nanu, and he blessed him, “theek hai… jao… Ummeed karunga jo bhi tum kar rahe ho usme tumhe kamyabi mile.” As Sameer walked back into the house to get ready, Nanu looked up at the sky and prayed, “hey bhagwaan… Sameer me iss badlaav ki jo wajah hai uss wajah ko uski zindagi me hamesha banaye rakhna.”

After finishing his work at the retailer’s office, he drove to his old school… It brought back tons of memories, and to his own surprise he remembered a lot of incidents that were not related to him, but to Naina. Her happiness on scoring full marks in tests, the courtyard where she played hopscotch, the cycle stand where she would park her pink cycle, the playground where she roamed along, the classroom corridors where she chattered with her friends… He couldn’t understand how he had noticed all of that but apparently he had… And of course there was the classroom itself… She had always sat on the bench adjacent to him, almost within arms reach, yet he had never bothered to talk or touch… And now when she was so far away he wanted to look at her, talk to her, hug her… His ambling took him to the library, and he peeked inside, still bit scared of the librarian. But no one stopped him, or taunted him, and so he stepped inside. An old memory resurfaced… His visits to library were rare, but once he had come in to get a book for some assignment, and had been greeted to the sight of Naina hopping near a shelf. Amused at the vision he had stood and grinned, watching her pigtails lift and settle with each jump, until she had noticed him, and blushed furiously. He had asked what she was doing, and she had told him that she needed a book which was on the top shelf where she couldn’t reach. He had shaken his head, walked up to her and pulled the required book from the shelf. She had taken it from his hand, biting her lip, still blushing and not meeting his eyes. He had smirked and teased, “Naina… height choti ho toh kudne se zyada easy hoga chair pe chadke book utaarna.” She had blushed even more, mumbled thanks, and ran away.

He touched the bookshelf now, smiling at the memory, and recalled how affected she had been by him always… The blush on her cheeks seemed to be constant whenever he was around. She would shyly look away, avoiding his eyes, and bite her lip. The way he thought of the memory now, made him realize that even then he had found her antics to be adorable, but he had never noticed his own thoughts in-front of the general perception about her. Sighing at his ignorance and arrogance, he walked out of the library and went to meet the principal, who was extremely happy to receive him. After a bit of a discussion, he handed over the cheque for a substantial amount, and then requested to meet the teachers. The principal accompanied him to the staffroom, where he met all the teachers, and from a bag he was carrying, he handed over boxes of sweets with a thank you note on top of each. He felt a bit silly, but nevertheless said, “main bas aap sabse milke aapko thank you bolna chahta tha… School me tha tab bahot masti ki, aap sabko pareshan kiya, lekin phir bhi aap logo ne hamesha mujhe guide kiya… Saare students itne alag alag hote hai phir aap log kabhi kisipe give up nahi karte.”

Shanti teacher, who he remembered adored Naina, smiled at him and said, “hume toh khushi hoti hai yeh dekhke ke hamare students life me itni tarakki kar lete hai phir bhi apne school ko kabhi nahi bhoolte.”

Sameer flashed a grin at her, and then looked around. Lochan sir queried, “kya dhundh rahe ho?”

“Uh… Rakesh sir kahin nazar nahi aa rahe”, he enquired, “library bhi jaake aaya lekin wahan bhi nahi the.”

Lochan sir teased, “aree waah… tum library bhi jaane lage? Kabse aaya yeh badlaav?”

Everyone chuckled, Sameer blushed a bit. Prinicpal sir informed, “Rakesh sir aaj chutti pe hai… Arjun ki shaadi ki saalgirah hai na isiliye…”

Sameer briefly debated, but the opportunity was too good to miss, and so she asked, “unka address hai? Itni dur aaya hun, aur aaj raat ko chala bhi jaunga, toh sabse milna chahta hun… Rakesh sir se bhi…”

Principal sir happily gave the address. He drove the distance of few kilometers trying to gather ample courage to meet and talk to Rakesh sir. He didn’t know how would be even broach the topic of Naina, but somehow he would find out more information… Maybe from Preeti… She and Swati always stuck to Naina… Surely even though Naina was in Mumbai, they would talk daily with her… If Preeti told him Naina was in Mumbai, he would act surprised, and then ask for her address, saying he just wanted to catch-up with an old classmate. Yes, that would be perfect…

He parked the car by the curb and got out, for the first time in his life, looking at Naina’s home… Nirmal Jyoti Society… This is where she stayed… This was the place from where she would cycle to school everyday… Was her cycle still there? He scanned the parked cycles thoroughly, but couldn’t spot a pink one… Maybe she had sold it before leaving for Mumbai… Slowly, steadily he climbed up to the first floor, and glanced at the room numbers painted on the wall in a deep blue shade. 104 was right there, in-front of him, and he exhaled through his mouth… The moment felt too significant… As he took small steps, reaching to the open door, suddenly something was flung from inside the house… An object clattered at his feet, and the next second he heard a wail from inside… A girl was screaming, “nahi Tauji… please… woh ek hi photo hai mere paas Naina ki… Use mat phenko…”

Naina…

His breath stopped as he knelt to pick up the object… It was a photoframe with silver metal edges… And the picture in it was of Naina, a solo half-shot… She was dressed in a deep red salwar kameez, with her hair half-pinned, a small smile curving her lips…

A man’s voice thundered, “koi zaroorat nahi hai uski photo rakhneki… Maine mana kiya tha na… Uss ladki ka ab iss ghar se koi rishta nahi hai.”

Another woman pleaded, “Rakesh bhaisaab… woh aapki beti hai… iss ghar ki beti hai…”

“Kuch nahi hai woh iss ghar ki”, the same man yelled once more, and Sameer recognized it to be the librarian’s voice. Rakesh continued in a high pitch, “jab se paida hui hai tabse manhoos saaya ban gai hai hamari zindagi me… Pehle Rama guzar gai usko paida karte hue… Aur uske baad hamare khandaan ki badnaami karne me usne koi kasar baaki nahi chodi… Arjun ke sasural wale kitne sawaal puchte hai pata hai…? Aisi beti honese toh achcha tha ke janam ke waqt woh bhi…”

“Bhaisaab”, the voice of another man interrupted, “kaisi baate kar rahe hai aap…”

Sameer didn’t hear any further… Clutching the photoframe in his hand he turned around and left, afraid that if he stayed one moment more he would go inside and kill Naina’s father… How dare he? As he sat inside the car, he was still shaking in anger… What kind of family was this?  How could they throw Naina’s photo? How could her father call her unlucky? How could he wish that his own daughter was… dead? A chill ran in his veins just at the thought… God…

Questions tumbled around in his head… What had happened with her? Why had she left? Why did her family hate her so much? He hand no answers… But he needed to find them soon… And for that he needed to find Naina… It was obvious that her family was of no use, so there was no point in him staying in Ahmedabad. He had to go back to Mumbai… That club and Suraj was the only ray of hope now…

He lifted his hand to see her photograph, and traced his fingertips on the broken glass, “I will find you soon Naina… Aur iss baar milogi toh main tumhe kabhi dur nahi jaane dunga… I promise, main hamesha tumhare saath rahunga…” Lifting the frame further, he placed a soft kiss on her forehead, and then drove away.

He got his tickets, packed his bag, safely tucking Naina’s photo between his shirts. The evening went by in a brief meeting with his friends who complained about the short time, but he assured that he would be back soon. Nanu, Munna and Pandit came to drop him at the airport, and he took the 7:30pm flight out, reaching Mumbai at 8:30pm, and to his home by 9:45pm. Just a Sunday in between now, he thought… And then he would find Naina… His restless search would end in a day…