Love Me Tonight Chapter 22: Looking Back at the Past

Fairlawn hotel’s lobby was a 2-stage affair with the reception and waiting lounge in a sunken circle in the centre, with golden tiled flooring that refracted the lights from the warn crystal chandeliers above. The three steps leading up to the perimeter were glossy black with gold border, and the surrounding floor above spanned in blocks of black and white similar to the rest of the hotel. Staff floated about catering to the guests, tall floor lamps and indoor plants graced the corners, the smell of baked pastries wafted in the air from the small bakery on the far end. However, Naina didn’t notice any of these things as she clung onto Sameer’s hand and walked to the lifts. Her mind was filled with chaos… Thoughts and memories scattered jumping from one incident to another, the gaps in between filled with her nightmares, the flashbacks… She felt disoriented, as if she couldn’t see what in-front of her eyes was. Sameer’s hand was the only grounding force that kept guiding her.

 

Once they reached their room, he made her sit on the bed, and quickly poured some water for her to drink. He was nonplussed about how vacant her expressions were; as if, she had withdrawn in her mind, to a place where he won’t be able to reach her. He had no idea how to offer her the comfort and assurance she needed to talk about her past. Acting on impulse he climbed on the bed beside her, and took her hands, rubbing her palms in between his, trying to lend some warmth. She shivered after a moment, staring at their hands in contemplation. Her brows furrowed and then she pulled back from him, scooting back to lean against the headboard, folding her legs up at the knee and wrapping her hands around them, curling into herself as if trying to make herself small.

He reached for her again, but she shook her head, and he stopped, retreating from her. She took a deep breath and then mumbled in a low voice, “tum jab Ahmedabad wale school me aaye the, tumhe yaad hai kaise sab ladkiya tumpe marti thi?”

He frowned, not understand how this was related, but nodded, “haan… it was bit exhausting honestly.”

She hummed, “maine bhi jab tumhe pehli baar dekha mujhe laga film ka koi hero aa gaya hai mere saamne.”

He cautiously asked, “main samjha nahi… hamare school ka kya rishta uss aadmi se?”

“Manav se rishta nahi hai”, she said, “mere sapno se hai.” He waited patiently for her to continue and after a small pause, she added, “15-16 saal ki umar me ladkiya apni saheliyo se baate karti hai apne future ke baare me, apne sapno ke baare me. Lekin main alag thi… Meri maa nahi hai… Ghar pe Taiji ne hamesha yahi sunaya tha ke bin maa ki ladki ki shaadi me dahej zyada dena padta hai aur mere papa iss layak nahi hai ke meri shaadi pe kuch kharcha kar sake. Isiliye maine kabhi shaadi ke sapne nahi dekhe… Padhai karneke sapne dekhe. Lekin ek din tumse takrate-takrate reh gai… Aur na jaane kahan se woh ladkiyo wale sapne aane lage mujhe. Preeti ne ek din shaadi ke kapdo ke baare me pucha toh main bol padi mujhe laal-hare rang ka joda pehenna hai. Padosi ke beti ke shaadi ke card ka message likhneko kaha gaya toh maine dulha-dulhan ke jagah tumhara aur mera naam likh diya. Pooja didi ki shaadi ke saare functions me mujhe tum bhi rasme karte hue dikh rahe the… Ajeeb sa feeling tha. Lekin sapno me khoke main haqeeqat nahi bhuli thi. Tum itne handsome… ameer… trustee ke rishtedaar… Tumhare liye toh hazaro ladkiyo ke options the, phir tumhari nazar mere jaisi mamuli si ladki pe kahan padti… Jaanti thi ke yeh sab sapne, sapno tak hi achche hai… Woh meri zindagi ki sachchai kabhi nahi ban sakti thi.”

Sameer blinked in shock, absorbing what he was hearing… Naina had liked him in school… Despite the fact that he had teased her relentlessly, she had dreamt of him, fancied him… What an utter fool he was… He could have had her love in his life all those years back but he had never paid attention to her. He didn’t know what to say, “Naina main…”

“Shsh”, she hushed him, “yeh meri kahani hai Sameer… Bolne do mujhe.”

He took a deep breath and nodded. Her lips curved in a wistful smile, “sapne hi sahi… lekin main khush rehti thi. Taiji ke taane thode kam chubhne lage the… Friday ka chitrahaar thoda zyada achcha lagne laga tha… Chachiji ki grihshobha bhi main chupke se padhne lagi thi… Do saal kahan beet gaye pata hi nahi chala. Farewell ho gaya, tum chale gaye… Thoda udaas hui, lekin man ko sehla liya ke yahi toh hona tha. Apna parivaar, ek chota sa ghar, koi aisa jo main jaisi hun waisa hi mujhe pyaar kare – yeh sab sapne mere liye kaise sach ho sakte the… Swati ki bhasha me kahu toh ‘yeh muh aur masoor ki dal’. College me admission hua toh socha ke life me koi hero nahi hai toh kya hua, main khud apne liye kuch kar sakti hun. Padhungi-likhungi, top karungi aur naukri karungi.”

She cleared her throat, reaching out for the water and took a small sip, “Ek din college se ghar aai tab Tauji ne bataya ke unhone mera rishta kisi bade ghar me tay kar diya hai. Unke pehchaan ka parivaar tha, apne bete ke liye kaafi saalo se ladki dhund rahe the, lekin kundli nahi mil rahi thi. Ladke ke papa Tauji ke client the, aur unhone jab yeh baat suni toh turant meri kundli milane ko taiyaar ho gaye, kyunki ladkewale dahej nahi lenge kaha tha. Meri kundli ke 34 gun mil gaye uss ladke se… Aur mujhse bina puche, mujhe bina bataye, rishta tay ho gaya. Ladke ka naam – Manav Bajaj.”

Sameer felt offended on her behalf, “tumse puche bina itna bada faisla kaise kar sakte hai tumhare gharwale… Tumne unhe mana nahi kiya? Maan kaise liya tumne?”

She let out a depreciating chuckle, “hamare ghar me bado ke muh pe bolna apraadh tha… Bachpan se aisa hi sikha tha. Ek baar Chachiji ne mere papa ke muh par kuch jawab  de diya tha, toh papa ka maan rakhne ke liye Chachaji apni hi patni ko ghar se chale jaane ko keh diya. Socha bhi nahi ke Chachiji ka kya hoga, kahan jayegi, kaise rahegi… Jab tak Chachiji ne papa se gidgidake maafi nahi manga tab tak Chachaji ne unke taraf dekha tak nahi. Aur main… umar me choti, upar se ladki woh bhi bina maa ki… Mujhe kabhi kuch bolne ka haq hi nahi tha. Aur Tauji ki zubaan yaane paththar ki lakeer… Unke khilaf ghar me koi kuch nahi bolta. Isiliye jab unhone mera bhavishya likha toh maine sir jhukake maan liya. Aisa socha ke pyaar aur shaadi ke hi toh sapne dekhe the, Sameer nahi toh kya hua, shayad Manav ke saath yeh sapne poore ho jaaye.”

He tried to resist feeling upset about being replaced by another boy… After all, he didn’t even love her then, or felt any attraction for her… Nor was he in her life in any capacity. But he still felt a unexplainable resentment at the fact that her dreams about him could be replaced with another man… And more than that he felt affronted on her behalf, realizing how oppressive her family was. Marriage was such a big decision, and they had taken the decision for her without even offering her the courtesy of meeting the boy or at least asking her if she was ready for this step in her life.

She sighed, “main sure nahi thi… Lekin pehli baar ghar me sab khush the. Tumhe pata hai school me itne saal maine top kiya, lekin ghar pe kabhi kisine khush hoke shabashi nahi di. Society wale bhi sirf Arjun bhaiya ke results ka puchte the, jaise maano meri aur Preeti ki padhai ka toh koi matlab hi nahi hai. Lekin jab shaadi tay hui, toh sab khush… Tauji khush kyunki unke connections mazboot ho rahe hai toh unhe zyada cases milenge… Taiji aur Papa khush kyunki shaadi me koi dahej nahi dena padega… Chachaji aur Chachiji khush kyunki unse jitna hota tha utna woh karte the mere liye, lekin unki khud ki do betiya hai jisme se ek ki shaadi ab tak baaki hai, toh meri zimmedari ka bojh hat jaaye toh unki fikar kam. Maine kuch haasil nahi kiya tha lekin phir bhi gharwale aur ados-pados wale sab mujhe shabashi dene lage. Mera parivaar itna khush tha toh maine apna man mana liya. Phir mere roke ka din tay hua…”

He sucked in a breath, shedding off his jacket and rubbing his chest. It hurt him to even think that his Naina was almost about to be married to someone else… It was a very possible scenario that she might have never come to Mumbai and hence never come in his life. How would he listen to this story? She noticed his action and asked, “kya hua?”

He shook his head, “kuch nahi… aage kya hua?”

“Roka”, she replied, “Shukravaar tha uss din. Mujhe college me se chutti leni padi thi… Guruvaar shaam ko mere haatho me mehendi lagai gai. Aur agle din subah chehre pe ubtan. Peele rang ki saree, gehne, kajal… Aur ghadi me gyarah bajte hi Manav aur uska parivaar aa gaya. Sab rasme shuru ho gai… Shagun, tilak, aashirwaad… Manav ki maa ne mujhe kangan pehnaaye, aur phir Manav ne anguthi.”

A look of revulsion crossed her face as she continued, “Roka ho gaya toh mujhe akele me Manav se baat karne diya gaya. Usme mujhse maafi maangi ke roka ke pehle hum mil nahi paaye…”

 

“I am sorry Naina. Main chahta tha ke roka ke pehle hum mile. Lekin mere mummy papa chaar saal se meri shaadi ki koshish kar rahe hai toh ab jaake jab ek kundli mili toh unhone sab jaldi jaldi tay kar diya.”

“Jee, main samajhti hun.”

“Par ab toh hamara roka ho gaya hai, aur shaadi me 3-4 mahine toh aur lag jayenge kamsekam. Kya pata panditji konsi tareekh nikale. Iss beech hum mil sakte hai na? Main tumhe theek se jaan na chahunga. Aur tum bhi mujhe jaan logi. Tumhe koi problem toh nahi hai na?”

“Main… uh… mere gharwale…”

“Oh… unki fikar mat karo. Papa tumhare Tauji se baat kar lenge. Aur waise bhi tum apne hone wale pati se milogi toh kisiko koi aitraaz nahi hona chahiye. Don’t worry. Main hoon na… Ab tumhe kisi cheez ki tension lene ki zaroorat nahi hai.”

 

She had smiled thinking how thoughtful this man was. He wanted to get to know her, and also give her the chance to know him well before getting married. She had been fully prepared to marry a stranger, but perhaps it won’t be so bad now…

 

Sameer heard the details of their conversation, and something twisted in his gut. He probed, “you were happy?”

She shrugged, “unn haalato me jitni khush ho sakti thi shayad utni khush thi. Manav ki baato se laga zindagi andhere me nahi guzregi. Shaadi se pehle kamsekam use jaan lungi theek se toh shaadi ke baad ek achchi biwi ban sakungi. Aise hi mulakate shuru hui. Sabse pehle ek restaurant me lunch. Phir ek din park me. Aur teesri baar movie me – jahan se sab badalne laga.”

He was almost afraid to hear further, but encouraged her to share. She continued, “Movie dekh rahe the tab… uh… he tried to touch me for the first time.”

“Touch you?” He growled.

She folded in on herself even more at that tone, “h…haan… kandhe pe haath rakhna… mujhe apni taraf khinchna. Maine kaha usko main comfortable nahi hun… Lekin usne kaha yeh normal hai. Hone wale pati se kya sharmana. Jab movie khatam hone wali thi… he… he tried to… he tried to kiss me.”

A sound rumbled in his chest, clogging his throat for a moment before escaping his mouth. It sounded animalistic, like a warning snarl from a predator. Her head snapped up, big brown eyes blinking in surprise, “did you just… Sameer?”

His eyes sparkled with rage, his fists clenching as he tried to control his volatile emotions, “he kissed you?”

Her eyes widened, and she chuckled, the weight of her past lightening slightly, the tension in her body loosening at his absurd reaction. He couldn’t fathom why she was laughing at such a serious matter. How dare that slimy worm Manav kiss his wife? He would break every single bone in that asshole’s body, one by one… Oh how he would love hearing his screams. Some of the ridiculous jealousy driven revenge plotting must have shown on his face, because her chuckles turned into full-blown giggles. He was annoyed, “don’t laugh… He kissed my wife.”

A smile lingered on her lips, “main tumhari wife nahi thi tab… I was his fiancé.”

“Semantics”, he waved off the logic easily. As if Naina could have ever belonged to anyone except him. Didn’t she herself accept that she had felt something for him in school as well? That meant, Naina was always his.

She shook her head, “tumhe jealous honeki zaroorat nahi hai. And… He… We didn’t…”

His brows furrowed, “didn’t?”

“Well, of course”, she retorted, “maine usko kiss nahi karne diya.” His eyes widened as she continued, “sabse pehli baat toh hum movie theatre me the. Second, main pehle hi uske harkato se uncomfortable feel kar rahi thi, toh kiss kaise karne deti. And finally… It would have been my first kiss… Theatre me kiss… It’s… Eww.”

He nodded, enthusiastic and relieved, “right… mere alawa kisi aur ko kiss karna is eww.”

She murmured, “jalkukda.”

He was not the least bit ashamed of his jealousy, “you really didn’t let him kiss.”

“No Sameer”, she huffed, “you were my first kiss… I… Look at me… First kiss, first time sex and getting pregnant. Sab ek hi din me. It must be a world record.”

A proud satisfaction swelled up inside Sameer, but along with that there was shame and guilt towards his own feelings. Even though he didn’t regret that night and the subsequent pregnancy, he felt guilt about how he forgot to take care of Naina. He was the experienced one between them two, protection was his responsibility, and he had forgotten. The shame bubbled up because Naina’s past was traumatic for her, and instead of comforting her as she shared it with him, he was stuck at the fact that some other man had tried to kiss her, even though it was way before she met him in Mumbai. His focus should be on taking care of his wife, and providing her secured environment to share her past, instead of being a jealous arse.

“I am sorry sweetheart”, he murmured.

She rolled her eyes, “you know I don’t regret it.”

He smiled, “I know… Lekin sorry uske liye nahi tha… Tum apne past ke baare me mujhe bata rahi thi aur main bewakuf chup-chap puri baat sunne ke jagah apni jealousy leke beth gaya.”

She placed her chin on her folded knees once more, “it’s alright… thoda break mila mujhe. Anyways… jaisa maine bataya… maine use kiss nahi karne diya. Iss wajah se he was so angry on me… Mujhe ghar tak chodne wapas nahi aaya… Auto leke jaana pada mujhe wapas. Aur gharwalo ne pucha tab mere paas jawab nahi tha kuch.”

The crime list being ticked in Sameer’s mind kept increasing – touching her, trying to kiss her, getting angry when she refused, leaving her to fend for herself – even this much was enough to make him want to hit that idiot, and he dreaded how much more there was.

As if reading his dark thoughts she said, “that was the last day jab mujhe aisa laga ke shayad Manav ke saath main khush reh sakti hun. Movie ke baad wale din usne mujhse maafi maangi, aur gharwalo ki permission leke mujhe apne ghar le gaya apne family se milwane. Lekin uske ghar pahonchke pata chala ke koi tha hi nahi ghar pe. Sirf… hum dono… Wahi uska irada tha. He… He was so angry…”

 

“Tumhari himmat kaise hui kal mujhe rokne ki. Samajh nahi aata tumko ke main tumhara hone wala pati hun…”

 

“Manav, mujhe yeh sab pasand nahi… Shaadi nahi hui hai hamari ab tak.”

 

“Oh… toh tum shaadi ke baad choone dogi… Kitni pavitra mangetar hai meri. Lekin tum ek baat bhul gai… Jabse tumhari ungli pe woh anguthi daali hai maine, tum meri ho… Meri… Aur main tumhare saath kuch bhi karu tumhe chup-chap sehna padega.”

 

“Usne mujhe pakadke phirse kiss karneki koshish ki. Mera rona… mera inkaar… kuch maaine nahi rakhta tha uske liye. Phir maine use dhakka de diya.”

 

He grabbed her arms, pinning them to her side, pushing her back against a wall, his mouth curved in a sneer. She sobbed, pleading him to let her leave. He didn’t. As his mouth descended, his lips just millimetres from her, she turned her head away from him. He roared in anger, bringing his mouth down to her shoulder and bit down. Even through the layer of the kurta her skin burned, and she let out a scream. Her legs moved, as if trying to grapple away from him, and her heel connected with his shin. He grunted, shoving her aside, causing her to stumble against an ornamental table, bumping her ribs painfully as she went down.

 

“Saali kamini… Mujhe maaregi?”

 

He knelt, grabbing her hair in a fist, using the hold to pull her on her feet. She sobbed, tears falling freely down her cheeks. Her mind unable to comprehend that she was being assaulted by her fiancé. A man who was supposed to care for her, protect her, love her… Instead, he was hurting her. She needed to escape… But how?

 

Luckily for her a car honked outside, and he cursed under his breath. But instead of releasing her he pulled out his handkerchief, using to gag her, tying a knot behind her head. Her lips parted under the strain of her cotton material, her struggles seeming useless before his ruthlessness. He tugged her dupatta away causing her eyes to widen in fear. The sounds from outside were coming closer; she prayed for someone to enter inside and help her. But she wasn’t so lucky as he tied her hands behind her, tightening the knot until it hurt and then harshly pulled her along. She stumbled over her own feet, trying to pull back from his hold, but nevertheless being hurtled up the stairs. He took her to the terrace, unlocked a small door, and threw her inside.

She fell on the floor, scraping her knee, a muffled scream escaping around the gag. He leered at her fallen form, his disgusting gaze stripping her down. She watched in horror as he placed a hand over his pants, the front tented slightly, as he palmed himself while watching her in pain.

 

“Kitni achchi lag rahi ho aise zameen pe… yaad rakhna hamesha… Tumhari jagah yahi hai – mere kadmo me.”

 

She shook her head, trying to get up from the floor, intent on escaping, finding someone to help. However, she hadn’t accounted for his capability of evil. As she barely managed to stand up on wobbling legs, she was immediately sent down again… Her body hitting the floor painfully… It took her almost a minute to realize that he had slapped her… Her cheek flared with pain; she tasted metal on her tongue. Blood… He had hit her hard enough to split her lip.

She looked up at him, her gaze unclear through the deluge of tears, her ears ringing from the slap. He grinned… He was enjoying her pain. It was arousing him… She could clearly see his reaction, and it made her want to puke. He took a step inside, and she let out a scream, once again muffled but equally painful. He laughed… Laughed at her… As he stood on her foot… His heavy boot crushing her toes, as he pushed his foot down, rubbing harder. By the time he relented her screams turned into pitiful whimpers.

Seemingly satisfied. He squatted down beside her, and grabbed her chin in a harsh grip, his fingers digging in her cheek, “meri family wapas aa gai hai. Lekin iska matlab yeh nahi ke tumhari sazaa khatam ho gai. Tum yahi rahogi… isi kothri me bandh… Kal subah sab log Delhi jaane wale hai, rishtdaar ki shaadi me. Main ek din baad me jaunga. Jaanti ho kyun?”

She couldn’t answer obviously, her eyes wide in terror. He smirked cruelly, “kyunki kal subah hamari suhagraat hai Naina… Kiss karne deti toh shaadi tak wait karte. Lekin ab tumhe sikhana padega ke ek aurat ki jagah mard ke jooto ke neeche hoti hai.”

A scared sound escaped her throat, and he relished it, bending his head for a moment, his eyes lingering on the blood trailing down her chin. His thumb swiped back and forth, spreading a red stain, “ab lag rahi ho na meri dulhan…”

He stood up, considering her for few seconds, before he kicked her ankle, causing another painful sound to erupt from her mouth. He let out a laugh, “chalta hun Naina… Subah milenge. Tension mat lo… Bahot mazaa aayega.”

 

As he closed and locked the door from outside, she felt relief for few precious minutes. He had left… She was safe… But as she caught her breath the gravity of the situation washed over her. She was trapped in a small room, the door locked from outside, no windows, her mouth gagged, her hands tied, and she was pretty sure her ankle was broken given the way it throbbed even with slightest movement. Her family would be worried. Would they come over to search for her? What would Manav tell them? She had to leave… Get down to the house somehow and let his family know what a monster he was.

She tried to sit up, somehow managing to drag her leg despite the pain. Whimpers escaped her mouth, but she still twisted her wrists hard, trying to loosen the tight knot of her dupatta. Tears flowed as she continued to struggle, no relief in sight, she wished for help in any form. Exhausted she dropped to her side, leaning against the wall, her chest heaving, her breath coming out in whistles around the gag.

The darkness, while earlier had provided relief that she had been left alone by him, now scared her. Not a single ray of light entered inside. She knew it had been several hours since they had left her home, so it was possible that the sun had set. But she had no way of knowing. Where was her family? Why was nobody storming the house in search of her? She didn’t even realize when she started hyperventilating, her eyes losing focus, sweat rolling down her temples, and in just a few minutes she succumbed to the darkness.

When her eyes fluttered open, she couldn’t see anything. Disoriented she tried to roll over and sit up but was unable to do so. Trying to clear her head, she took stock of her situation. She wasn’t in her bedroom… She was in the small room on Manav’s terrace, gagged and tied with a broken ankle. Helpless. Terrified. And she was about to be raped in morning by her fiancé. Tears welled in her eyes again, a few slipping down, but soon she shook her head, determined not to be weak.

She had to get out of here… She cannot faint again like a weakling. It was obvious Manav was a sadist… He was enjoying her pain; it was arousing for him to see her broken. Even if they had been married, he would have abused her, broken her body as well as spirit. But she was not married to him yet, and she was never going to marry him ever. She just had to escape and then she could find help… Her family… The police… Everyone would help her.

Bolstered by her faith, she renewed her efforts to escape. Taking shallow breaths to calm her racing heart, she felt around with her good leg. It bumped into something and there was a sound of wood and metal hitting the floor. Using her leg to scoop the thing as close as possible, she tried to peer in the darkness but was unable to see anything except a longish shape. She turned slowly, letting her bound hands feel the object, and realized it was something like scissors, except bigger… Gardening shears. That bastard had locked her in a shed… That’s why there wasn’t even a window to let in the light.

At first, she tried to lift the shears with her bound hand, hoping to use it to cut her dupatta. But she stopped soon, when her hold slipped, and the sharp edge made a gash in the inside of her elbow… One more injury added to the repertoire tonight. She ignored the hurt and the obvious trickle of blood, instead focusing on twisting her hands to use her fingers to pick at the knot. It was slow and painful, and she didn’t have a semblance of time as she continued her determined effort to be free. Hours later it seemed, she felt the knot loosen… Her eyes widened, and she made a small sound of triumph, eagerly renewing her efforts. Slowly but surely the material loosened, and the silky dupatta untied. Blood rushed down her arms, her wrists throbbing and she whimpered as she tried to massage one wrist after the other…

Once her arms felt like they would obey her command she untied the gag easily, gasping as she worked her jaw, licking her dry chapped lips, feeling the dried blood crusting the side. Her foot was another matter entirely… Her toes were covered with a wetness, and she realized it was blood probably, her cuticles were damaged from the crushing boot. And her ankle had swollen twice the original size… She poked it with a finger and let out a pained gasp… Definitely broken… Not having any idea to heal it she used the handkerchief that had gagged her, ignoring the distaste of using something of that vile man as she tied it around the swollen area. She had no idea if that would help, but she thought the throbbing had reduced a little bit. It would have to do… Once she was back with her family, she would be taken care of.

Given that she had no idea of what time it was and how long she was unconscious, she chose to avoid resting her tired sore body over the attempt of freeing herself from the situation. Standing up with the support of the wall, she crept up to the door, feeling it with her hand. Simple wooden door with a metal handle… The lock was outside, so obviously she couldn’t attempt to pick at it with a pin or something. However, wood could be broken… Right? She just had to make sure no one heard her, especially not Manav.

She picked up the shears and used both hands to drive it down close to where she thought the lock would be outside. A loud thud sounded in the night, and she stopped, waiting to hear if the sound brought someone to her. Minutes later she tried again… and again… and again… The shears however, while sharp enough to cut her, were not good enough against a solid door. But she refused to be disappointed. She was locked in a shed… Surely that meant there were enough equipment to aid her escape.

Blindly feeling around for things to break the door caused her several random scrapes and cuts, but she ignored everything, determined to attain freedom. She found a long metal rod with a sharp end on one side. She had no idea what it was used for, but it was perfect for the door. Equipped with a promising weapon she began to attack the door anew, ignoring the strain in her arms, the pain in her shoulders. Time lost meaning for her, and when she felt a small section of wood chip, she felt elated. Using her fingers to feel she found it was around the stopper on her side. A splinter of wood pierced her skin and she hissed but refocused quickly. Wedging the sharp metal in the gap left by the broken wood, she put her entire weight on the rod repeatedly, until the flimsy stopped groaned and fell near her feet, taking a huge chunk of wood along with it. She coughed, blinking as she saw the floating particles of dust in the small ray of light entering through a small hole. Immediately kneeling she peeped through the hole to check outside. It was night… The lamp on the neighbours’ terrace was the only illumination. But it was enough to fill her with encouragement. Pursing her lips, she attacked the broken part of the wood, hammering at it with the metal rod until the old wood started to crumble at several places and finally the stopper outside broke from one side, hanging uselessly from the metal frame on the side of the door. She wedged her fingers at the gap and pulled hard… once… twice… thrice… and the door finally gave away, suddenly swinging inside. She nearly stumbled, but caught herself in time, and hobbled outside.

Falling on her knees, she panted, dragging in fresh air, only realizing then how out of breath she was. She only gave herself few minutes though… It wasn’t time to rest yet. She got up and limped forward, but stopped again, looking back at the shed. Making the decision in just few seconds, she went back inside and picked up the metal rod that had aided her freedom. She hoped she didn’t encounter anyone on her way out, but just in case she did… She wanted to have something with her that would help her save herself.

She prayed silently as she tried the terrace door and found it wasn’t locked from inside. Maybe he had forgotten in his haste to go back to his family, probably afraid that they would look for him. She kept a firm hold on the banister as she crept down the stairs, one painful step at a time. She bit her own lip hard, stopping herself from making any sound of pain as she walked on her broken bloodied foot. Reaching the front door, she looked for her own sandal but was unable to find it. Slipping her aching feet in an old pair of slippers she spotted, she left leaving the front door unlocked…

As she moved out of the iron gates, she noticed it was almost dawn, a faint pink illuminated the horizon. She walked on the side of the road, limping with the support of the metal rod she still clutched. Some time later, she reached an intersection and spotted several autos, the drivers washing them, readying them for the day. She took a relieved breath, her brain sluggishly deciding what to do next. She could go to her family, but she knew that they were very conservative. Upon spotting her condition they would be concerned, but what if after she told them about what happened they tried to hush the matter… She wasn’t very hopeful as the society still viewed a physical assault to be the fault of the woman. Maybe Chachaji would want to help her, but she was sure Tauji would shut him down. Taiji would as always blame her motherless status.

A soft voice interrupted her thoughts, “bitiya… kya hua tumhe? Itni chot kaise lagi?”

She jerked slightly, taken aback by the kindness in the voice after the cruelty she had faced. Her eyes watered, and the man looked at her with concern, “ghar kahan hai tumhara beta?” Gesturing towards one of the autos, he said, “main chod deta hun tumhe.”

She took the decision and asked, “ghar nahi… police station leke chaliye.”

The man’s concern increased, but he nodded, walking beside her as she limped to the auto and sat inside.

Her exhaustion was catching up on her. The next incidents blurred with one another; her traumatic brain unable to be focused anymore. She remembered sitting at the police station, as a lady constable offered her water and noted down her complaint. She recalled the worried exchange of glances once she had given the name of her abuser. She remembered confirming that yes it was indeed Manav Bajaj, her fiancé, who had hit her, assaulted her and had promised to rape her in morning. She recalled being asked to wait outside and being let to use the washroom to wash her hands and face. She remembered standing outside the door, and overhearing the inspector talk to two men… Manav Bajaj, and his cousin brother, Kushal Bajaj. She recalled how money had traded hands, and her complaint had been ripped into pieces, her traumatic experience had become trash in a flash of a moment. She remembered running away, hailing the kind auto driver who had waited for her. She recalled begging him, promising him the gold earrings she wore in exchange of dropping her at home. She remembered reaching home in a disheveled state, and immediately being slapped by Taiji. She recalled some of the insults being hurled at her, the hardest hitting being implied of being a prostitute who had stayed out the entire night. She recalled Manav and Kushal stepping inside her home, the safety she had sought in the familiar environment breached by her abuser. She remembered Manav touching her shoulder, seemingly lovingly, but his thumb pressing down on the circular bite mark he had left yesterday, communicating that he was in control of her fate. She recalled watching in a state of shock as Manav twisted the tale of her trauma, telling her family how she had told him her friend needed her and left his car midway to his home, not even confiding in him where she had gone. She remembered him leaning close to her face, asking her in a loving concerned voice as to what had happened to her, and if she had a boyfriend somewhere with whom she had spent the night. She recalled watching in disbelief as her own family turned on her, hurling insults and hitting her already sore body. She remembered Taiji’s belan landing on her sore ribs, making her fall, twisting her already broken ankle. She recalled Preeti trying to reach for her, her own face streaked with tears, her words unheard. She remembered crumbling in a heap as her father slapped her once more splitting her lip. She recalled her family expressing gratitude to Manav for still being ready to marry her. She remembered Manav kneeling beside her, cupping her cheek, his voice dripping with saccharine sweetness as he whispered, “police mera kuch nahi bigad sakti Naina. Aur main tumhe itna badnaam kar dunga ke tumhari family hi tumhe maar daalegi. Mere paas aane ke alawa tumhare paas aur koi rasta nahi hai.” While to her family it seemed that he was whispering loving reassurances to her, his thumb had been trailing the now familiar motion in the blood coating her chin. She recalled using her last bit of strength to rip the engagement ring of her finger and throwing it away, croaking in a pained voice, “tumse shaadi karne se pehle main mar jaana pasand karungi.”

 

Sameer’s condition was unexplainable. Emotions trampled through his mind and body like a herd of uncontrolled horses. She had been abused by her fiancé. She had been assaulted. She had been locked in darkness. She had been hurt. She had been promised of further brutal consequences. And when she had still persevered through all of it, no one had helped her or comforted her. Her family had turned on her. They had believed that filthy man over her. He was still processing what he heard, but with each passing moment his fury was turning into a dark raging storm.

Naina had a distant glazed look in her eyes as she informed, “mujhe theek se yaad nahi ke main kitni der behosh thi. Itna yaad hai ke jab main hosh me aai tab main ghar me nahi thi… ghar ke bahar thi.”

Her family had thrown her out when she was unconscious. They had left her vulnerable after she had already been assaulted. What kind of sick people they were? How had they not noticed her injuries? Had they even asked her about what she had faced?

As if answering his unasked questions, she continued, “mujhse sabne sawaal kiye… kabhi sabne saath me… kabhi koi ek akele ne… Sabne pucha ke kaun hai woh aadmi jiske saath maine raat bitai? Kaun hai woh ladka jiske liye maine Manav jaise bhale ladke ko dhoka diya? Kisine yeh nahi pucha ke mujhe chot kaise lagi… Mera paav sujha hua kyun hai… Mere sharir pe khoon kyun hai… Mujhse kuch bola nahi gaya… Kya jawab deti main jab sawaal hi galat the? Pata nahi ek din beeta ya teen, lekin ek din achanak bua-dadi aai mere saamne. Unhone mere sar pe haath rakha aur pucha ke kya hua hai mujhe… Itna kaafi tha mere liye. I… I just cried… Bua-dadi mujhe apne saath kahin le gai… Shayad hotel… Yaad nahi… Doctor ko bulaya jinhone mere paav ka ilaaj kiya. Dusre zakham ke liye davai di. Aur uske baad main bua-dadi ke saath Mumbai aa gai… Lekin aaj tak kabhi bua-dadi ko batane ki himmat nahi hui ke mere saath kya hua tha. Darr lagta tha ke woh bhi mere parivaar ki tarah mujhe chod de toh… Phirse ek aur ghar ka saaya chala gaya toh… Kaise jeeti main…”

His heart thundered painfully in his chest. She had been treated so unfairly by her family, that her shock had not allowed her to confide in them. Once she had come to Mumbai, she had again stayed silent, this time in fear of facing a similar situation again. How utterly frightening it must have been for her when she had realized that her family had ousted her from her own home while she was unconscious. How traumatized she must have been that despite having bua-dadi’s support for all those years she had not been able to confide in her for fear of losing another shelter.

And then it hit him like a hammer to the chest that her fear had come true ultimately, only this time the reason behind her losing the shelter over her head was him. Bua dadi had accused her of being characterless enough to spend a night with a stranger, with whom she had no relation. The allegation was so close to what she had been accused of all those years ago by her own family. The insult being repeated. The trauma resurfacing. The fear of being sent back to a place where she had been her most vulnerable both physically and mentally. All of that had culminated in her taking the decision in her own hands and running away from bua-dadi’s home. She had chosen to be homeless rather than once more being thrown out by the very people she had trusted to provide for her. And he now understood why despite having the knowledge that he had met bua-dadi and she had helped him in his search of her, she still didn’t trust bua-dadi enough to get in touch with her again. Bua-dadi had saved her in Ahmedabad, but then thrown the same accusations as her family with the same threat of abandoning her and snatching the roof over her head. She had realized that she had lived there but had never belonged there. And so, she had left…

This also made him realize immediately the sheer amount of trust she had placed in him. Till now he had felt privileged and honoured that she had consented to let him be her first. She had literally offered her virginity on a silver platter to him. But now he realized that the decision to leave her rented apartment and moving to his villa was an equally significant honour that she had bestowed on him. The rental had given her a control – it was her money, her decision, her choice. She had told him when he had found her in her apartment that this was her house, and no one could throw her out from there. His heart had ached then, and it hurt now for her once more. In making the decision to move to his villa, she had relinquished that control over her life once more, choosing to trust him instead to take care of her, to provide for her. The magnitude of her trust humbled him, and he bowed his head, mentally deciding that he would never break that trust even in his dreams.

 

“Sameer” Her soft voice broke through his reverie. He looked at her, his eyes a reflection of his rapidly fluctuating emotions. She cautiously asked, “tum naraaz ho?”

He gulped and nodded. She flinched. He immediately reached out to her, stopping at the last moment, afraid of her reaction to his touch after her recounting the sordid tale of her past. Instead, he tried to gain control over himself, touching the back of her hand with his knuckles, “tumpe nahi sweetheart… Baki sab pe… Khud pe… It doesn’t make sense, but… I wish main school se hi tumhari life me hota. Shayad tumhe yeh sab nahi jhelna padta… I am not angry on you… Never.”

She let out a shaky breath, her posture relaxing slightly in relief. Her voice was weary with exhaustion, “main thak gai hun… So jau thoda?”

He held back his tears, “haan… so jao… aao.”

She uncoiled her hands and legs, her muscles loose from mental tiredness. He helped her lie down, covering her with the blanket. She reached out for his hand, asking him without words to be with her. Given there was nowhere else where he would be, he willingly lay down beside her, inching as close as he could without crowding her, still afraid of overwhelming her and triggering some traumatic response. However, once he had settled, she tucked her face beneath his chin, her breath warm at his throat, as she repeated the words, she had uttered the day she had agreed to marry him, “mujhe chodna mat.”

He swallowed, echoing the promise he had made that day, “kabhi nahi…”

As his arms draped around her, it provided her the comfort and safety she had needed all those years ago, and she trustingly yielded to the exhaustion, her breath evening out as she fell asleep. Sameer focused on proving the warmth and assurance his wife needed from him, locking the furious storm in a secured box in his mind for now, but it raged in the confines of the box, waiting to be unleashed on those who had hurt Naina.

 

Love can be giving; love had the power to heal… But sometimes love could be turbulent, unpredictable and unforgiving. SJM’s love for his wife rushed through his veins, aching for violence, hungering for the destruction of those who had hurt her – a violent vortex unassuming from far, but sucking down the drifters into the depths of despair.

 

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Flashback in Italics