Love Me Tonight Chapter 2: A Broken Forever

Golden rays of the morning streamed inside through the sheer white drapes, flooding the sprawling bedroom with its light, the discarded shimmery pink top bright against the creamy tiles. Naina half-turned in her sleep, disturbed by the sun, and tried to pull up the blanket to cover her face. However, it was stuck… She grumbled sleepily, lifting her head to check and saw a naked muscular leg draped over her legs pinning the blanket down. Her breath froze in her lungs at the unknown sight…

Where was she? The room wasn’t hers… And there was the distinct sensation of a hand on her body… Just then someone nuzzled closer to her, and she gasped, turning her head to look. However, instead of being frightened, she calmed down… Sameer… She was with Sameer… And… she was naked… She closed her eyes, suddenly recalling the exact moment when he had breached the protection of her body, filling her completely… The sharp pain had been followed by his clumsy attempts to soothe her, but even then there had been the acute sense of fulfilment that had made her smile through her tears. Her body automatically turned sideways, trying to inch closer to his sleeping form, but the next moment, she recalled that she had no right to do this… to lounge on his bed, to feel the luxury of cuddling with him, to… to cherish what they had shared.

Tears pricked her eyes; she gently lifted his hand aside and sat up, clutching the blanket to her breasts. What had she done…? The turbulent morning had come to disturb her after a night of bliss, yet she couldn’t bring herself to regret her decision. Yes, she knew this was only for a night. Yes, she knew she had walked into this with her eyes open. Yes, she knew she could never mean anything to Sameer Maheshwari. But still… still she could only feel the overwhelming surge of emotion in her heart, that sometime during the night, or maybe as soon as he had kissed her in the kitchen, she had termed or recognized as love. Yes… She loved Sameer Maheshwari but she could never be his love… And so she had to leave…

Slipping off the bed, she pulled on her clothes quickly, not even giving herself the luxury of freshening up. As she combed her hair with her fingers, she remembered how he had fisted his hand in the black mass whenever he had kissed her… Her heart thudded, her eyes drifting automatically to him, and a small smile curved her lips as she saw him sleep so peacefully. Inadvertently she started to move towards his side of the bed, extending her hand out to touch, but her foot brushed against something, jerking her out of the trance… Sandals… Her sandals… He had removed them so carefully, paying attention even to her feet as if he was determined to kiss every inch of her… Swallowing back the urge to touch him one last time, she picked up her sandals and rushed out of the bedroom. It took her less than a minute to put on her strappy sandals and grab her purse, but as she started to move towards the door she remembered something… Opening her purse, she pulled out the red velvet box, and lifted the delicate lid just a bit to look at the glittering diamond he had bought for his girlfriend. It was a beautiful stone, large enough to make anyone jealous, but she felt it to be too pretentious. She placed it on the table, grabbed the notepad and pen lying beside, and scribbled down something. And then she walked out of Sameer Maheshwari’s home… and life…

Naina felt as though the travel back home was one of the longest she had ever made… There were mixed emotions inside her, and she was also physically exhausted as a result of the night. Sameer seemed to have an amazing appetite when it came to sex – that much she had understood last night. She had been nervous before, her body stiffening up wherever he touched, but he had taken time, soothed her, waited until she started to feel pleasure. Even in his drunken state he had repeatedly asked her if she was alright, if she liked what he did… The taxi stopped near the gates, pulling her out of her thoughts.

She rang the doorbell, ready with her excuse of being away for the whole night, trying to put on a smile on her face. Phulla Bua-Dadi, with whom she lived, opened the door, looking at her up and down before letting her come in. Naina immediately started to clarify, “sorry bua-dadi… Shalini ki tabiyat theek nahi lag rahi thi toh usko ghar chodne gai… Phir baato baato me kab der ho gai pata nahi chala… Isiliye wahi ruk gai.”

She was confident that bua-dadi would accept this because she had stayed with Shalini quite often. True to her expectation, bua-dadi asked, “tumne phone kyun nahi kiya?”

Naina tried to sound confident, “kiya tha na… Lekin line me kuch problem thi shayad… lag hi nahi raha tha… Mujhe laga aap samajh jaoge ke main Shalini ke saath hi ho sakti hun.”

Bua-dadi smiled, and Naina felt relieved that her lie was accepted. However, the next moment a sharp slap landed on her cheek, shocking her to the core. Bua-dadi grabbed her arm, “tumpe bharosa karke maine tumhe azaadi di hai, iska matlab yeh nahi ke main bewakuf hun… Agar tum mujhe phone nahi kar sakti toh main kar sakti hun… Shalini ke ghar pe kal raat hi phone kiya tha, aur uski mummy ne bataya ke party se sirf Shalini akele wapas aai… Tum uske saath nahi thi…”

Naina stammered, “bua…bua-dadi m…main…”

“Chup”, bua-dadi reprimanded, “haalat dekho apni… dekhkar hi pata chal raha hai ke tum raat ko kya kar rahi thi… Jacket kahan hai tumhara? Aur yeh gardan pe nishaan…? Usi ladke ne kiya na jiske saath tum kal raat club se nikli thi? Aaj subah hi maine Shalini ko wapas phone kiya tha… chinta ho rahi thi tumhari… tab pata chala mujhe ke jis ladki ki main chinta kar rahi hun woh toh kuch zyada hi badi ho gai hai…”

“bua-dadi”, Naina tried to explain, “meri baat toh suniye…”

But Bua-dadi interrupted, “kuch nahi sunna mujhe… iss waqt mujhe itna gussa aa raha hai ke tum saamne rahi toh tumhe aur thappad padenge… Jao yahan se… Jo ganda kaam karke aai ho uske nishaan saaf karo… Aur main aaj hi Anand aur Rakesh se baat karti hun… Woh log aake tumhe yahan se le jaaye wahi sahi hoga.”

Naina kept pleading but all her words fell on deaf ears and bua-dadi went inside her own room. She kept banging on the door, repeatedly imploring to listen just once, but it was of no use. Finally, after ten minutes she slouched to her room, shutting and locking the door, feeling as if she was closing a part of her life. She was in a daze, not knowing what to do, unable to sort her emotions. Tears flowed from her eyes, the purse slithered down her arms to the floor, and she staggered as if she was drunk just like Sameer was last night. Functioning on an autopilot mode, she grabbed a fresh towel and stumbled inside the bathroom… She turned the shower on, letting the water steam up and started to remove her clothes… Her mind flashed back to last night… Each action of her hands reminding her of Sameer’s actions… When she removed her top, she remembered how he had gently lifted it up baring her flesh inch by inch… When she unhooked her bra, she reminisced how he had taken so much time touch, kiss and then removed the black lace from her body… As she unhooked her jeans, she felt as if she could feel Sameer seeking her permission to slip it off her legs… The glide of the lacy panty on her thighs made her recollect the way his broad palms had followed the fabric down her legs…

She stepped inside the shower cabinet, and as the warm water hit her sore body, she dragged in a deep breath, closed her eyes and broke down… The tiles hit hard on her knees as she collapsed on the floor, the sobs tearing from her throat mixing with the sound of water… Sameer… His feeling was there on every inch of her body but now it was washing away along with the water down the drain… The one time in her life when she had experienced the ultimate happiness and bliss was now gone…

Jo ganda kaam karke aai ho uske nishaan saaf karo…

Phulla Bua-Dadi thought she had done some sin… and maybe she had… after all she had slept with a man out of wed-lock… It could definitely be termed as a sin in society… But try as much she couldn’t consider it a mistake or a sin… Neither could she say that Sameer had lured her… She had known what she was doing… She had wanted it, despite him telling her that maybe they shouldn’t… So many times he had given her an option to back out… Even just before the moment he was about to enter her, he had given her a choice, and she had still chosen him… She had been driven by her heart, by her feelings, by her emotions, and all of that was considered wrong in the society she lived in…

If bua-dadi called her family then… then everything would be destroyed… her whole life… Just for a night of her happiness she would be pushed into life-long darkness. Her family would surely get her married off in secret to someone in their village… All they would want is to get rid of her… They wouldn’t understand… No… She couldn’t let that happen… Gathering some strength, she stood up, and soaped herself, trying to think clearly… She couldn’t let her family take her away… She couldn’t marry some random person after realizing that she loved Sameer… It was evident that bua-dadi wouldn’t listen to her, and she had no hopes from her family… So, that left just one option for her… She had to leave…

That was the sole option… But where could she go? Sameer… No… No… She couldn’t go to him… It was just one night. He wasn’t responsible for her actions; neither did he have any responsibility for her. They weren’t in a relationship… If she went to him, he might just reject her and that would be a very big blow on her fragile heart that loved him… If he accepted her or helped her just out of courtesy then she would be a burden in his life, and she would rather be a memory than a burden… She had to think of some other options… Maybe some friends of hers… But… No… They all lived with families, and won’t be able to help her or justify to their family as to why she was staying with them. Also, bua-dadi knew all of her friends, so if she went to any one of them it would mean that she was still within her family’s reach.

As she wiped herself with the towel, she suddenly spotted the marks on her body… There was one on the side of her neck which bua-dadi had spotted… But there were two more which no one could see except her… One on her breast that was already turning to a deeper shade of red, and another one just where her waist met her thigh… Her breath shuddered as she recalled how he had kissed her thighs, parting them open to touch her… And then… God… then he had said that he needed to taste her and fused his lips to her… Her body had arched in shock, a soft scream escaping her lips and she had grabbed his hair, trying to pull him up… She had thought he was doing something utterly forbidden… But then he had lifted his head and asked her to trust him… And she had… She had tried to stay still, to normalize her breathing and keep herself from panicking as he had parted her legs wider and kissed the most sensitive part of her body… She hadn’t known what it held in-store for her, and at first she had thought it was just some weird quirk he had wanted, but then as his tongue had stroked and teased she had trembled from the sheer ecstasy that had flown through her veins… As her body had cooled down, he had looked up at her from between her legs and smirked proudly, as if he knew she had experienced the pleasure that he had wanted to give… And then he had come up to her, gazing in her eyes, and offered that if she wanted they could still stop here… He had said he won’t feel bad… But the repeated offers to stop had irked her so much that she had pulled him down for a kiss, and her eyes had shot wide open with wonder as she had realized that she was tasting herself on his lips…

The beeping of the reverse signal from their neighbor’s car pulled her out of the erotic recollection… Stop thinking about him… She commanded herself… There was no time to relive the events of last night like this; she needed to decide what to do… Plus, it wasn’t like she was ever going to meet Sameer again, so she technically had her whole life ahead to recollect all those memories. Right now she needed to think where she would go… Maybe some hotel… She had a job so she could definitely afford it for some days, but then she would have to find some other place to stay… But… The job… Bua-dadi knew where she worked, so she was within reach there as well… But, how could she leave her job? Wait… An image of a white envelope flashed in-front of her eyes.

Hastily wrapping the towel around herself, she stepped out and pulled open the bedside drawer… There it was… The white envelope that had arrived for her yesterday just before she left for the party… It contained an offer letter from one of the biggest library in the city… It was perfect. Currently she worked in an accounting firm, but she had applied for this job upon an impulse. She didn’t like accounting job, and so she had thought that she could experiment a bit… She loved books, reading and writing… She wasn’t qualified to work as a teacher unless it was a kindergarten where no special education was needed. And she hadn’t been able to find any job like that, but the advertisement of a librarian staff had captured her attention, and she had applied. They needed someone urgently as their head librarian was leaving, and they needed someone fluent in English, who would also be favorable to work in a silent environment. It was just what she needed. Also there was a kids-hour in one wing of the library so it gave her an opportunity to participate in story sessions as well… Yesterday she had been happy to receive this offer but had thought to talk to bua-dadi over the weekend. Now she could use this as an escape route… No one would think that she would choose a library job over accounting, after all she had always been groomed for that field by her Chachaji…

Yes, this was perfect… Now she needed to look for accommodation… But first, she needed to pack and leave… She could stay couple of days in some hotel, and meanwhile search for an apartment. With that plan in mind, she pulled out a bag to pack some clothes and essentials. Bua-dadi had provided her with a lot of luxurious clothes, but she left all of that, instead choosing to take the simpler work outfits she had and some sets to wear at home. The money she put in her purse was all that she had earned, and that reminded her that she would also have to take care of her bank account. There should be no traces of her… It hurt her to do all this, but there was no other option… She picked up a photo of her family, and another of bua-dadi with herself, allowing herself to take just that bit of memory from this home.

Steeling herself to leave, she wrote a note for bua-dadi, and left it in her room beneath a book. The servant was busy in the backyard, hanging out the clothes; bua-dadi was still in her room, and her room’s window looked out on the backyard. That meant there was no one to see her leave or ask uncomfortable questions. Dressed in a simple jeans and high collared cotton shirt, Naina for the second time in the same day stepped out to leave forever…

Meanwhile, at the sprawling Vedanta Villas, inside bungalow number 12, Sameer turned on his back and stretched his arms… He felt so content and happy that a smile automatically curved his lips. Never before had he felt like this after waking up, never before had he looked forward to a morning so much. He felt as if someone had injected a boost of energy and life inside his veins, and there was a warm fuzzy feeling in his heart that he had never experienced before. And all of this was because of the beautiful woman who had not just cared for him but also truly made him feel what it was like to actually want a person in his arms…in his life… Naina… Who would have thought?

He blinked his eyes open, yawning, and turned over on his side to look at her… However, the bed next to him was empty… He stroked his hand on the rumpled bedsheet where she had slept, rolling over a bit, burying his face in the fabric that was steeped with her scent. The pillow on her side lay ignored at the very edge of the bed, because she had not used it… She had slept in his arms, her head on his shoulder… She had been here, on this bed, in his arms, for the entire night… It was a first for him…

Shaili had left sometime during the night because he had woken up before dawn to find her missing; Sakshi always needed to go home so they had never spent the whole night together, it always was a few hours; and the remaining arrangements were well… just that… arrangements. But Naina… She was different… With her he was different… Everything was different all of a sudden… He had never wanted to bring a woman to his home, but he had willingly given the address to her… The bed was his personal territory, but he had joyfully shared it with her… And after they had made love, she had just curled up in his arms and fell asleep… Made love? Oh yes… They had made love… And that was a new term for him… It wasn’t sex… Not with her… Wasn’t that why he had not felt the need to push her away or extricate himself from her touch after they were done? Wasn’t that why he had felt immense peace on holding her in his arms? Wasn’t that why he had reached for her again sometime in the night, wanting her once more? Wasn’t that why he had again needed her just before dawn? Three times… God… They had made love three times last night, and each time she had welcomed him with open arms and a soul-searing kiss… And each time in the aftermath she had nuzzled against his chest, falling asleep so quickly as if she was totally sated and happy.

But where was she now? Maybe in the bathroom… He should get up as well… She would be famished after last night… Had she eaten dinner at the club? He hadn’t… Maybe she also didn’t get time… There should be some bread in the refrigerator… He could whip up some omlette and bread for breakfast, and some coffee… or tea, if she liked that… What did she like? He needed to know… He needed to know more about her… When did she come to Mumbai? Why did she leave Ahmedabad? Did she study here? Was she working now? Did she eat eggs? What all she liked in food? What was her favorite color? What made her laugh? Did she go for movies? What were her thoughts about dating and relationship? He needed to know it all… And he wanted to tell her more about himself… He remembered her had told her about Sakshi… He had to let her know that she had wiped away every trace of pain from his heart, and also made him realize that what he had felt for Sakshi was not even a fraction of what he was now feeling for her… Obviously she would be skeptical to accept it… But they could start slow… Meet for dates, get to know each other, progress slowly… Like… Like a proper relationship… And the lovemaking part was super-hot with her… But if she wanted, he could hold off on that for a while as well, just to assure her that that wasn’t all he wanted from her… He had to tell her that he wanted her… just her… However, after last night he hoped she had understood how much he wanted her, and that it was different.

He sat up and picked his trousers from the floor, pulling it on, and stretched once more. Still sporting a silly smile on his face, he knocked on the bathroom door, “Naina… Andar ho?”

There was no reply, he frowned, and after a couple of more knocks, he tried to turn the knob… The door was open, and there was no one inside… He shrugged, still not worrying much, as he thought she must be outside, in the kitchen probably… Was he going to be treated with a steaming hot cup of tea and her brilliant smile? Anticipation zinged through him as he sauntered out of the bedroom, calling for her, “Naina… Kahan ho tum?”

Once again there was no answer… The living room was empty… He peeked in the kitchen; that was empty as well… Well, where did she go? He opened the door to check the backyard… Apart from a few bees he couldn’t spot anyone… The front of the house also empty, just his car standing where it was parked last night… Did she leave?

No… His heart immediately refuted the idea… She wouldn’t leave like this… like others… She would have known that he would look for her, so for sure she was somewhere here… Or what if his Naina had a mischievous side to her, and was hiding to tease him? Almost sure of that possibility he scanned through every inch of his house, all the rooms, the bathrooms, even the cupboards and store room, but there was no trace of Naina… He went inside his bedroom again… His boxers, shirt and shoes were lying discarded on the floor where he had thrown then… But Naina’s clothes and sandals were missing…

Fear clouded his being, constricting his heart, making it difficult for him to breathe, and he stumbled out to the kitchen… Her purse… He needed to find her purse… That would confirm that she was here… He searched through on the sofa, the chairs, every bit of the big hall, but the small purse that she had been carrying yesterday was not there… Instead he spotted the red velvet ring box on the coffee table, and a folded note stuck beneath the notepad that usually lay by the phone. His hands trembled as he picked up the note and opened it to read – ‘Sameer… Thank you for being so patient last night. I don’t know what to say in such situations but please know that I will never forget you. The waiter at the club gave your ring me, I am leaving it here… I hope you find happiness with her or maybe someone else whom you can love. Take care… Naina’

Yesterday evening when Sakshi had refused to his proposal he had been angry, agitated, in pain… But that pain was nothing compared to what he felt now on reading this note from Naina. The sheer agony of a broken heart felt like the most terrible physical pain inflicted on him, and it brought him down to his knees. How could she do it? After what they had shared last night, how could she leave with just a note?

Thank you…?? She was saying thank you for the time they shared? For what…? Thank you for letting her sleep on his bed? Thank you for giving her pleasure? Thank you for his body? Thank you for holding her in his arms for the entire night? Thank you for being a fool to not just keep it to sex and be emotional? Thank you for what…Dammit.

Tears flowed from his eyes, wetting the note, smudging the blue ink a bit. A small sob escaped his lips, and he clapped his hand on his mouth in surprise… What was he doing? Why was he crying like this? It didn’t make any sense… He grabbed the back of chair, stood up and then sank down on the same chair, still clutching the note in his hand. The pain in his heart stunned him, and he rubbed his hand on his chest trying to soothe it. He shouldn’t cry. This wasn’t anything new… was it? It was just another name added to the list of his stupidity… Shaili, Sakshi and Naina… Ya… That was it…

No… You know Naina isn’t like that…

That was his pathetic heart that still seemed to think that Naina was different. The problem was that yes, she was definitely different… But only for him… To her he was not different, that’s why she had dumped him so mercilessly. After the kisses, the small conversation they had had, the way he had shared his pain with her, the way they had made love, all he had deserved according to her was a thank you note. It was amazing how everyone reduced his existence to just nothing… It was as if they felt that he was made of stone, no matter how hard the blow on his heart he would feel nothing… Or maybe none of them cared if he felt anything or not…

Couldn’t she have at least stayed until he woke up? Or she could have woken him up and let him know that she needed to leave… It was not like he was going to force her to stay. Funny how she wanted him so much last night, but by morning she left even without thinking how he would feel. He was a fool to think that she was also just as emotionally involved as he was… It was evident that all she had wanted was an experience, and he was there, just the right fit… Alone, drunk, heartbroken with a handy experience of hookups… And so she had done it…

He crumpled the note and threw it in the corner, standing up to go to the kitchen… He would usually begin his morning with coffee, but today he pulled out a beer from fridge… However as he popped the top and lifted the bottle to his lips, he paused… He closed his eyes, and licked his lips, feeling as if he could still taste her there and somehow he didn’t want to dilute her taste with the alcohol… She had left him, but he still wanted to savor her taste for as long as he could.

Pathetic Sameer…

He plonked the bottle on the countertop, and went inside the bedroom thinking a bath would help. As he stood beneath the warm shower, he once more closed his eyes, wanting to feel relaxed. But instead, his mind drifted to how her curious hands had moved over his body followed by her inquisitive mouth. She had been shy and nervous when they had started… It had been so tough for him to keep his hands gentle and be patient to give her the time she needed. Once she had said yes, and kissed him, his mind had been abuzz with need… The keen sense of wanting her was consuming every inch of his body. And from the first sight of her bare flesh as he had lifted her top to reveal her smooth flat belly, he had been at a loss of words, he had only wanted with a desperation that should have scared him. Since that very minute there was no going back for him and he had quickly divested her of the pink top…

The black lace had nearly blown his brains, and he had traced the edges of the cups with his fingers and lips feeling her quiver beneath him. He had totally forgotten about his own clothes until he had felt her hand tugging at his shirt, and delight had coursed through him as he had realized that she wanted to touch him. Sitting up, he had removed his shirt, leaving himself bare for her exploration and enjoyed the way her eyes had widened at his sight… He had pulled her up in his arms, kissing her shoulders, gently nuzzling the straps down. All the while her hands had been busy tracing the muscles on his back, and then she had pulled back, her brows furrows as she looked at his chest… He had been about to hug her again, but she had placed her hands on his chest, the caresses were tentative, and she bit her lip totally engrossed in her exploration. He had smiled and lain down on bed, pulling her on top of him, and said that she could see and touch as much as she wanted… It seemed his acquiescence had increased her confidence, because then the touches had been followed by soft kisses… But when her lips had brushed against his nipples, he had groaned and pushed her back on bed, saying that it was now his turn.

She had only stiffened for a moment when he had quickly unhooked her bra and pulled it off, but he had asked her to calm down and she had… He had touched her then, cupping and kneading, mesmerized by her sight, intrigued by the softness and then unable to resist he had dipped his head, flicked one taut bud with his tongue, and then closed his lips over it in a hard suction. Her reaction had been instant…  Her back had arched, breath broke, and she had whimpered in pleasure. Her body had writhed beneath him as he had moved back and forth between her breasts, feeling as if he was never going to have enough of looking at her, tasting her…

A throbbing sensation in his own body pulled him out of his thoughts and he opened his eyes, groaning at his state… God… He had just had her for three times last night, yet just the thought of her succulent breasts were enough to bring him to full hardness… One would think that after so many years and so many women, breasts would be the most usual thing for him… But no… The reaction was because he was thinking of Naina… Her moans, her whimpers, her lips, her throat, her shoulders, her breasts, everything had the ability to arouse him more than any other naked woman ever had… For a minute, it made him regret that he had ever had those hookups… If he had been normal then maybe Naina wouldn’t have left him…

What was he thinking? Rage and disappointment started to cloud his brain once more… And he quickly soaped and rinsed… It was no use thinking about her… She was gone… And he should let go and forget before it became critical… Shaili and Sakshi were enough; he need not add Naina to the list… After all it had been few months with Shaili, and a year with Sakshi… With Naina it was just one night… So it should be easy to deal with… Maybe he could go to the club tonight, and try his luck… Another woman could ease the edge of his anger and need both…

But even as he thought about it, he somehow felt disgusted with himself. Wrapping a towel around his waist he stepped out, wondering why the idea of touching another woman was troubling him… He hadn’t hesitated to get Naina to bed after Sakshi had dumped him… Then why not the same way now… Why did he suddenly feel lower than dirt by just thinking of some other random woman? It wasn’t as if Naina had any right on him… Did she?

Thank you for being so patient last night.

He scoffed at himself as he recalled the thank you from her… It was as if she was thanking him for his services… Thank you for taking away her virginity and giving her the experience of a lifetime, he thought sarcastically… It just showed how cheap impression she had of him… The fact that he was sexually active didn’t give her any right to treat him like an escort service… He should be thankful she was gone… Else if they had continued for a few more days then the pain would have been much more…

God… What was he thinking? Why was he thinking like this? Why was he angry on her? She didn’t treat him so low… If he had cherished her last night, she had done the same… Words could be minced and faked, but he could recognize touches… She had truly wanted him… It wasn’t like she had just wanted to get the deed done, she had given something extremely precious to him… The society they were living in still treated virginity as a virtue, and it was expected of a girl to preserve it for the right man… Just the fact that Naina had never been with anyone and yet had wanted him to be her first told him that he was different… that he was special… But if so, then why did she leave? Was she regretting what had happened between them? Or… Was she scared that he would turn her away?

His breathing became erratic all of a sudden as he recalled the next line in her letter… No… No God no… He swiftly moved to the living room, picking up the crumpled note from the corner where he had thrown it, and smoothed it out to read once more…

I don’t know what to say in such situations but please know that I will never forget you.

Situations… What situation was she talking about? Did she feel that it was a hookup? Closing his eyes, he rubbed his forehead trying to think about the time before they were on bed… He had been so drunk at the club… How had he met her? His brows furrowed as he remembered sporadic bits from the evening…

Him stumbling and a girl holding him…

Padhaku, behenji, teacher ki chamchi… She had uttered all those useless stupid names.

Naina… aankhen… beautiful… He had remembered her eyes.

Tumhe yeh sab yaad hai? She had been so surprised that he remembered her.

Tum sach me yahan ho? Naina… shit… I thought I was dreaming…

Tum nashe me mere mere sapne dekhte ho? Her sarcasm made him laugh softly.

Tum yahan kya kar rahe ho? Aur hamesha itne pee rakhi hoti hai kya? The question that had made him leave…

Mujhe padi hai… His heart skipped beats as he recalled that she had said that she cared.

Tum mujhe apna address do, main tumhe ghar chod dungi. God… She had cared enough to not let him drive in drunken state, to come with him so late in the night just so that he didn’t do any foolishness.

Jab maine tumhe last time dekha tha tumhe kisiki kuch padi nahi thi… aur aaj ek aisi ladki ke gum me sharab pee rahe jisko tumhari kuch padi nahi hai… His Naina was savage… Slaying him not just with her looks but also her words… The simple, shy, innocent girl from school had transformed into a beautiful, strong, confident woman… And she had cared for him… She had wanted him enough to let him have the right which no one ever had or would ever have… He was her first, and will always be… It made no sense that she would leave him like this… Had he said something that could make her feel unwanted?

He sat down, trying to concentrate more… A lot of things were blurry after they had left the club… He remembered he had fallen asleep in the car, and Naina had had a tough time to get him to his home, and then he had dunked his head under the sink… But what had happened in between…? Had they talked in the car?

Yes… She had asked for his address, and he had given it to her… What else? Slowly with much effort, broken sentences started to come back to him…

Delhi me woh khadoos budhiya pareshan karti thi, aur mummy chup-chap dekhti thi…

Sakshi used to say I was so good in bed… She would always tell me she wanted me…

Mumbai me ladkiyo ki koi kami nahi hai… Do-teen din me bhool jaunga usko… I just need some good time…

Rules hote hai Naina… Always follow rules…

Sirf ek raat ki baat hoti hai… No commitments… No second meeting… No dating…

I proposed her aur usne mera dil tod diya… Her loss… Main toh kal kisi aur ke saath chala jaunga… Have fun… Sex… Aur usko bhool juanga…

It is convenient… After all, relationship me sirf dil tut ta hai… Aise hi achcha hi… One night of fun, and then move on…

His eyes snapped open… Oh God… What had he uttered…? Had he really said these things to her? The rules of hookups… Justifying his one night stands… Claimed that he needed a round in bed with another woman in order to forget Sakshi… Shit… Did she think she was that other woman? Did she feel that he was in bed with her just because he wanted to forget?

I hope you find happiness with her or maybe someone else whom you can love.

He read the last line in her note… Damn… Did she feel that after spending the night with her he would go back to Sakshi and try to reconcile the relationship? Did his drunken nonsense made her feel that she was just a fill-in or a replacement for a lonely night? Dear God… What had he done? That was why she left… His words had made her feel that he was just looking for a night of fun with her… But his touch? That should have made her feel different… But, then again, she didn’t really have an experience to compare… He did and so he knew that with her it was different… But she didn’t… There was no comparison point for her…

And there wouldn’t be one in future…

The swift possessive thought stunned him… What was that? Did he mean that? He gulped… He couldn’t be thinking like that… How could she be just his? Some day she would have to get married… His treacherous heart thumped hard, and his mind readily helped by recalling the smooth slick feeling as he had slid into her… Her body’s warm clench, pulling him inside her until he gave everything to her… Her ecstatic wetness, a proof of her pleasure, and the incredible feeling of euphoria as she held him tight throughout his completion… He had just tumbled beside her after that, and she had cuddled up to him… She had not rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and neither had he thought of discarding… … … Oh! Oh shit! Oh no…!! Had he just… Oh my God… He hadn’t used condoms last night…

He was thankful that he was sitting because his legs felt shaky… How could he have forgotten? Agreed he never brought anyone to his home… But he did have condoms… In his wallet, in the bedside drawer… Then how could he have missed such an important step…

Because it was more than sex for you…

Once more his pathetic heart answered, but this time he couldn’t ignore it… He had already accepted it was more than sex… He knew he had made love for the first time in his life… Naina was the first woman to whom he had sought to give something more than mere physical pleasure… He had given her a part of himself, a part of his heart… And he had known she was special for him even before they had made love… That was why he had been so patient, so gentle… He had wanted to soother her nervousness… He had wanted her to enjoy… He hand wanted her to be with him every step of the way… And in his elemental need to claim her as his own, the thought of protection had never risen in his mind… He had just wanted her to be his, and he had done everything to make sure of that…

I will never forget you.

She had written that in her note… That small part gave him hope… Surely she hadn’t left him… It was all just a misunderstanding… He would talk to her and sort it out… And then, they can be together… They could go on dates, they could know about each other… They… They could have a relationship… A proper relationship where he would be sure that she would never break his heart… Because the girl who had taken such a big step with him could never be so callous as to dump him unceremoniously… There would be problems and a fair share of quarrels, but that was just normal in relationships, right? He would pacify her… Sometimes she would pacify him… And about future, about some other guy getting married to her; he would be damned if he let that happen… Naina was his… Yes… He had to find her… He would bring her back in his life, this time for forever…