Lights of Eternity Part – 5: Acceptance and Belonging

“Shefali, please yaar icing dena jaldi”, Naina’s urgent voice cut across the kitchen and Shefali hurried up to her with the icing cone. The Saturday was special, extremely special, for Naina. The white icing flowed smoothly as the words “Happy Birthday Sameer” was etched across the top of the chocolate cake. Sameer Maheshwari’s 18^th birthday was to be celebrated today but if there was anyone who was not excited about it, it was the birthday boy himself.

An uneasy sensation settled in the pit of his stomach as he leaned onto the sink in his bathroom. Today he would be handed over the reins of his Nanu’s business. He wasn’t sure if he was ready yet for that. Had he become Sameer Jayprakash Maheshwari yet? He recalled his Nanu dancing with him on his 17^th birthday, the gold chain he had gifted, how he had felt when his mother hadn’t come over or called to wish him. But today she was there, right in his home, along with Mr. Somani. Funny how time changes, last time he dearly wished her to be with him, today it didn’t really matter much. His mother had helped him over the course of months to understand the business responsibilities, helpful like a lawyer would be to his client or a manager would be to a newly joined employee, lacking any personal touch or warmth or affectionate guidance. But he still appreciated her help, at least she hadn’t abandoned him this time, just that sometimes it was difficult to curb the past resentment, like this morning. She was here for the document handover; then why did she have to organize this party? Sameer was not interested in cutting a decorative big cake or shaking hands with managers. And he hated the so-called professional suit his mother had brought for him, who wears that dull grey, definitely not him.

All he wanted, all he needed was Naina… Naina and his friends. His real family. They were coming to the party too, graciously invited by his mother, but he was not comfortable with this. For his friends he wasn’t a businessman, neither a rich influential person, he was just Sameer. And that’s how he wanted to be with them, he didn’t want this image to change, or them to start feeling uncomfortable around him.

Naina was ecstatic about the invitation, though she had to lie again to her family just like last year. The only differences this year was that Preeti and Arjun were included in the tale she had woven, and she wasn’t feeling as guilty simply because she knew that this time Sameer needed her. For the elders in the house, it was again Suman’s birthday and this time Arjun was going to drop them at her home, and then he would be going to meet some of his friends and pick them up while returning from there. The family also didn’t know that they were going to pick up Shefali from the corner of the next street. Naina had noticed a silent bond between Sameer and her brother whenever they met, almost like friends, she felt happy but had never asked any of them about it.

Sameer moved through the small crowd gathered in the living room, shaking hands, making small talk, his eyes darting towards the door every other minute. He spied the chunky document folder in his lawyer’s hands, and his stomach lurched again, he moved away quickly. If there was ever a measure of how much a person can change in the briefest of times, Sameer was a living breathing example of that. His stance was confident as he talked to one of the directors in his company, the unease he felt was not reflected on his face, if his hands had the audacity to shiver he had learned to control it immediately. He maybe still in his teens, but age was really a number, the maturity that had settled on his face was not of a teenager. The formal suit, however drab, sat perfectly on his broad shoulders, and his shoes were polished to the utmost shine. His deep brown eyes were composed, cool, if anyone could read them properly they would see the depth they held, but none could, except one, and she wasn’t here yet.

He overheard his mother talking to a woman he didn’t knew, probably some manager’s wife, expressing amazement at the 75% Sameer had scored in his 11^th standard final exams, immediately going on to compare with the 93% Rohan had scored, this had stopped bothering him. Rohan was good in studies, he had seen so himself in Delhi, and if he scored more he deserved it. Besides, he had received a birthday wishing call from Rohan and Deepika this morning, unexpected, but it had made him feel happy. From where he stood, the comparison no longer held true, Rohan was his brother but still a kid essentially, he himself maybe just a year older but he was no longer a kid.

The sound of voices and laughter drifted from outside, one melodious tone amidst many was exactly the one he wanted to hear. Every cell in his body sprung to attention, his heart beat a little faster, his eyes scanning the door, for the sight that would give him the comfort he was looking for. He excused himself, and sauntered towards the door, as Naina stepped in. Dressed in a white salwar kameez with multi-colored bandhej dupatta, Sameer thought none could look as simple and pure, yet completely ethereal at the same time. His gaze sharpened on seeing her pink tinged lips curving into a smile, and his mind flashed back to the dream he had that very morning where he had held her and kissed her. He saw her kohl tinted eyes taking in his grey suit, the expressions on his face, the hidden feelings in his eyes, and he knew she understood the unease he felt.

Munna and Pandit jumped ahead enfolding him in a bear hug, not caring one bit about his expensive suit, and this made him feel right at home. The first genuine smile of the evening broke through his face as he returned the hug. Arjun too surprised him by wishing him with a hug, more sedate but equally joyful for him. Preeti, Swati and Shefali chirped a stretched out happy birthday, then conspicuously dropped their voices before adding Jijaji at the end. Naina was the last to wish him, a simple greeting, yet the most precious. His eyes hungrily roved over her face, her open hair, the golden jhumkas flashing on her ears, he clenched his fists to stop himself from pulling her into his arms. She was sheltered from the view of people in the room by his body, so she took the chance and tucked something in his suit pocket. He looked down at his chest, and saw a pen, her lucky pen that she had once given him in examinations during head boy selection, but he had rejected her gesture. Naina smiled as she softly said, “sign with this”, and he felt as if he had received the best birthday gift ever. Sameer gestured them towards the crowd, some of who were trying to see who were the lucky people to be welcomed by their boss. He spied a bag in Munna’s hand and lifted his eyebrows in question, Munna just winked at him as he left to keep it in Sameer’s room. Sameer let it go, thinking they might have brought some presents for him.

The cake cutting was quick, but Sameer felt every moment drag, as he was surrounded by his mother, step-father and Munshi kaka. He politely accepted the cake his mother fed him, thankfully Mr. Somani didn’t attempt anything like that, else his facade of politeness would have evaporated in thin air. Before Sameer could cut more pieces to feed his friends, his mother gestured the servant to take it so that properly cut pieces could be given out on designer plates. He roughly suppressed his rising anger, the impersonal business face still in place, cool and detached, while he made a mental note to give a separate treat to his friends. The cake and food were handed out, well dressed waiters carrying dishes lined with fruits, canapes, sandwiches.

The lawyer cleared his throat, coming to Sameer for permission to carry out the required formalities. Sameer nodded, and his mother came up beside him to check on the proceedings. He didn’t fail to notice the sour expression on Mr. Somani’s face but ignored it for his mother’s sake. Naina smiled giving him a thumbs-up when he glanced briefly at her, before taking out the pen and signing on the papers, officially becoming the legal owner of Maheshwari industries. The round of applause was loud enough to shake the delicate glasses of juice sitting on the table, but the loudest ones he could hear were his friends’, who were equally happy today as they had been on the day of exam results.

The formal party winded up, and his mother and Mr. Somani left for dinner with one of their business associates, finally leaving Sameer alone with his friends. As they all trundled up to his room, Sameer immediately pulled Naina out on the balcony. The sun has started to set over the horizon, birds flew overhead returning to their home, a hint of breeze rustled through the trees, and he felt at peace as he held her hands. His spirits lifted when he spotted that Naina was wearing the bangles he had gifted her during Pooja Di’s wedding. Again, he had to control himself from pulling her into a hug, as he mentally reminded himself that Arjun was just there in the room.

“You are looking very beautiful”, Sameer gazed into her eyes. “You are also looking handsome, as usual”, Naina smiled returning the compliment. Sameer scoffed, “this color is pathetic, its just that Mummy brought it and I couldn’t refuse.” Naina laughed, “But every color looks good on Sameer Maheshwari.”

A moment of silence stretched, then he softly voiced, “Sameer… just Sameer.”

“Is there a difference?”, she looked puzzled.

“Yes, one’s the person you love, your friend and the other is a businessman now”, Sameer tried to explain.

Naina pondered over the statement, looking at the orange hued sky, understanding what was going through his mind. She rubbed her thumbs over the back of his palms, looked into his eyes, “there cannot be one without the another… Sameer’s perseverance and attitude made him succeed as the businessman, while Sameer Maheshwari gave the courage and patience to the boy who won me back with his love… I love both, because for me they both are the same, YOU. Besides, you don’t hide one side of your personality from the people who love you, there is no need for that. I know what you are, and so do they”, she finished gesturing towards their friends in the room.

“C’mon”, she pulled him into the room. His eyes nearly popped out when he saw the small cake on the table with a single candle. He immediately understood that Naina had made this for him, he was so overwhelmed that he couldn’t resist pulling her into a side hug, resulting in a few loud coughing sounds in the room. He let her go immediately, a dull red tinging both his cheeks and Naina’s as well, and he avoided Arjun’s gaze completely. This cake cutting was much more pleasant for him, and to his extreme delight Naina acquiesced when he tried to feed her, then bowled him over by feeding him herself. Was there any cake in the whole world that tasted better than this? No!

They danced to latest songs, trashing his room with chocolate wrappers and empty packets of chips, Sameer lost his suit jacket somewhere as he jumped on the bed with Munna and Pandit. He caught Naina’s hand and twirled her mischievously, making her laugh. As darkness settled over the surroundings outside like a slowly falling blanket, a light illuminated within Sameer, as he finally understood, no matter the stages of transformation he had to go through in future, his real family will always accept him completely, and with love.

****

Sameer was woken up by a rude loud sound as Naina repeatedly tapped the pen on the library table. He raised his head, his eyes heavy with sleep, saw her frown disapprovingly. “I left you here to study, not sleep”, Naina scolded him. “Please Naina, thoda sa sone do”, Sameer mumbled dropping his head back on the table.

It was one of their post school teaching sessions. Their friends were in the classroom, indulged in mischief, which is why Naina had dragged Sameer into the library. Naina glared at the sleepy-head for some time, then gave in and combed her fingers through his hair. Sameer felt her touch and immediately shifted closer, he simply loved it when Naina pampered him like this. It had been an extremely tiring week for Sameer with several meetings at office plus unit tests in school.

Naina let him sleep, lost in her own thoughts. She wanted to talk to him, the right time had come, but she was worried about his reaction. She stood up to look for a story book, thinking it would relieve her tension to some extent. Bereft of her touch, Sameer immediately woke up when she left. He found her near the storybook aisle and slid his arms around her waist pulling her to him. Instead of relaxing against him, Naina stiffened and stuttered, “S…Sameer.”

He frowned at her voice, turning her in his arms, looking into her eyes, “what’s wrong?”

Her eyes darted over the books as if she was afraid of one of them eavesdropping, she tried to tug herself free of his embrace, not meeting his eyes. Sameer let her go, puzzled at her behavior, he couldn’t understand why she was pulling back from him. Naina went to the window, grabbing onto the ledge for support, “Sameer, I have to tell you something.”

He went closer but didn’t touch her, trying to study what he could see of her face, as he waited for her to speak further. She sighed, turning towards him, she would tell the truth meeting his eyes, not like a coward, “You know Arjun bhaiya has left for his new college in Baroda, so I think it’s time you should know that…” she trailed off trying to find words that would hurt less.

“That Arjun is the one who had stolen the examination papers”, Sameer completed her unfinished sentence calmly, understanding what she was trying to tell him. Arjun had secured admission in a reputed college in Baroda, his cricketing practice was also approved in the team there, so finally Naina had gathered the courage to tell everything to Sameer, because now Arjun’s career wouldn’t be hurt, and Sameer’s anger would be directed only at her. Her father and his pride were still there, but more important than that was the fact that Sameer trusted her completely, and she kept feeling that she wasn’t worthy of it because she had hidden such a big truth from him for so long time. Relationships cannot be based on lies, her Chachaji had taught her, and she had hidden the truth knowingly, in her eyes it was much more heinous than an outright lie.

Naina stumbled, eyes wide in shock, color draining from her face, she couldn’t fathom how Sameer knew this. Sameer answered her unasked question, “Arjun told me before our 11^th standard examinations.”

“You knew since then? Bhaiya told you?”, she whispered unbelievingly

He nodded and told her about his conversation with Arjun. Naina, if possible, looked even more shocked, “You forgave him? Just like that? Why?”, she asked incredulously.

Sameer took her hands and drew her into his arms, as he tried to find the proper words, “After everything that happened to us, between us, this incident didn’t matter anymore. I love you. What is important to you is equally important for me, and that includes your family.”

“Oh, Sameer!”, Naina sniffed, her pretty eyes misting over, “I am so sorry I hid this from you.” She hugged him around his waist, burying her face against his chest, as tears fell from her eyes soaking his shirt. She had been so worried about losing Sameer again, but he had let go of his resentment so easily, giving importance to her and her family.

He tried to console her for some time, then pulled her arms from around him, and drew back looking at her face. Wiping the tears from her face with his fingers, he subconsciously lifted her hand and pressed a kiss to the inside of her palm, and with a jolt his brain caught up instantly to what he had done. Naina looked up in shock and saw one of his hands clapped over his mouth, his eyes wide and round staring at her, and his other hand tightly clutched the hand he had kissed, as if he was afraid she would slap him with the same hand.

Sameer’s heart thundered as Naina gazed at him, he was waiting for her reaction, he still had a death grip on her hand. A long moment later, Naina couldn’t control the laughter that spilled from her mouth, she couldn’t help it, he looked so cute and scared. Sameer relaxed, breath leaving his lungs in a huge gush, on seeing her reaction. The next moment however, Naina’s laughter caught in her throat, as Sameer drew up her hand and kissed it again, this time slowly, moving his lips across the palm, the inside of her wrists, over her fingers. Her eyes nearly glazed over, her heart beating heavily, a tingling sensation like a mild electric current ran through her spine, as he took up her other hand and repeated the same gesture. He looked straight into her eyes, dared to nibble gently at her fingers, and watched as she shuddered.

She suddenly pulled back and tried to run, but Sameer was too quick, he grabbed her hand and jerked her back in his arms, his entire body tensing as her soft body landed against him. Naina looked up at him, her smooth skin tinged with a shade of delicate red, tiny shivers running across her body. Sameer struggled between an urge to kiss her and protect her. His hands cupped her face, his thumb traced the outline of her lower lip, he saw her eyes close, surrendering, her lips trembled, his love for her crushing him under some huge impulse, his breathing fast.

Naina didn’t understand completely what was happening within her, but in his arms, she felt safe and secured, she felt an unfathomable urge to just stay there, keep touching him. When she felt his thumb touch her lips, tiny jolts of currents shot within her, the pleasure indescribable, and so she closed her eyes and surrendered to him. Sameer controlled himself somehow, her surrender making him want to protect her, and instead pressed his lips to her forehead, kissing softly, brushing his lips against her temple, holding her tight against him and buried his face in her hair. The sun was warm on her back, the heat emanating from Sameer was even warmer, she felt she had finally found a place where she could stay for the lifetime, in his arms, protected, soaking in his warmth.

The smell of polished wood and old books surrounded them, tiny dust particles floating in the sunlight pouring in from the window, as both cherished the best thing that ever happened to them, each other.