Let It Go Part 4: Let It Go

Everyone chattered non-stop as the bus sped down the smooth road. The cold air hit her in the face, and she gasped. The boy sitting next to her frowned, “Naina… thand lag jayegi. Khidki bandh karo.”

Naina rolled her eyes, “Sameer, tum kabse teacher ban gaye? Kitna achcha mausam hai, aur yeh thandi thandi hawa.”

He pulled her back from the window and towards him, “sab pata hai mujhe. Lekin tum itne thand me kabhi rahi nahi ho. Bimar pad jaogi.”

“Kuch nahi hoga”, she countered, and held his hand as he tried to close the window again. Surprised he looked at her, and she repeated, “kuch nahi hoga. Tum jo ho saath me.”

Unable to argue with her, he let her have her way, and just kept a firm hold on her hand and kept on tugging her to him repeatedly whenever she would start to lean too close to the window. JBR had altered the plan and changed the destination for today from tiffin top to snow peak, as many students were reluctant to hike such a long distance, and also a bit scared to sit on horses. Snow peak was supposedly much more beautiful, and could be reached via a ropeway. The prospect of seeing snow, and also riding in a cable car excited Naina. She hadn’t told Sameer, but she was also frightened to sit on a horse, especially because Sameer wouldn’t be there with her.

Noticing that she had again started to lean to the window, he pulled her back. She looked up at him irritated, but upon meeting his glittering gaze her frown converted into a smile, and a slight blush adorned her cheeks. The glitter in his eyes deepened as he recalled how she had hugged him so many times yesterday. No evening in Nainital had felt more beautiful that yesterday. After returning to the lodge, they had dinner together, with him stealing tid-bits from her dish as well. When she had caught him sneaking a bit of her hot gulab-jamun, she had glared at him, but on seeing his pout she had grinned and fed him half of the sweet herself – in-front of everyone. Somehow she always managed to leave him speechless with her actions. After dinner, the night had been clear, so she had demanded to watch stars. All of them had sat outside until late, beside a makeshift campfire, and talked while watching the beautiful night sky. He had wondered how had he never made such campfires before when he had been in Nainital.

The firelight gleaming on her features had captivated him, stole the breath from his lungs, and he had stared at her without blinking. After few moments she had caught on to his mood and had surprised him by leaning on his arm. In a daze, he had raised his hand to wrap around her so that she was closer to him, and leaning on his shoulder instead. Their friends had oohed’ and hooted, making her blush and bury her head against his chest, but she hadn’t withdrawn even for a single second. The peace and happiness inside him had forever obliterated every gloom he had ever felt in Nainital.

Finally they had returned to their rooms at around 2am, and had immediately fallen asleep. No one noticed how Sameer clutched a pillow tight to himself, or how Naina burrowed under the blanket searching for more warmth.

This morning at breakfast time, everyone had been pleasantly surprised to see that hot maggi was being served as meal. There were two types of preparation, vegetable and egg. While the girls had moved towards the vegetable table, the boys had excitedly walked over to the egg table. However, Sameer had caught Naina’s astonished glance, and had stopped mid-way.

She walked up to him, “tum… tum uss taraf kyun jaa rahe the? Tum ande khaate ho?”

He hesitated for half a minute, before biting his lips and nodding. Her eyes widened, “kabse?”

“Naina…”, he softly justified, “main hostel me rehta tha. Wahan normal hai breakfast me ande khana. Bread-omlette, boiled ande… yeh sab toh banta hi tha.”

She tried to grasp on to what he was saying, “lekin Nanaji… ya tumhari mummy…”

He shook his head, “nahi… woh log nahi khate. Ahmedabad me aake maine kam kar diya hai khana… lekin kabhi kabhi Munna Pandit ke saath jaata hun bahar khane.”

She looked towards the two friends who were happily piling on their plates, “unko tumne sikhaya?”

He frowned, “nahi. Woh log khaate the pehle se. Mujhe nahi pata kabse aur kaise.” She was lost in thoughts and after a minute Sameer sighed, “chalo wahan chalte hai. Mujhe ande nahi, tum saath chahiye.”

“Huh?”, she stared up at him perplexed, “kya bol rahe ho?”

“Yahi ke tumko nahi pasand isiliye main aaj se ande nahi khaunga”, he offered without hesitation.

She stopped him with a hand on his arm, “maine kab kaha ke tum mat khao. Main toh bas puch rahi thi.”

His brows furrowed, “par tum nahi khati… toh tumko problem nahi hai mere khane se?”

She smiled, “kisine mujhse kaha tha ke agar koi humse alag ho toh zaruri nahi ke woh galat ho.” He started at her astonished, as she continued, “main nahi khati kyunki mere ghar pe kabhi bana nahi hai, aur naa hi koi bahar khata hai. Tum khate ho kyunki tum usi maahol me bade hue ho. Toh tumko mere liye badalne ki zarurat nahi hai.”

He grinned, but again asked, “sure?”

“Haan”, she affirmed and pushed him towards the egg table, and walked off with a small smile on her face.

Suddenly he felt a tug on his arm, and jerked out of his reminiscence. Naina excitedly pointed out of the window, “hum aa gaye. Jaldi chalo…”

He laughed, and picked up the backpack that he had brought, “chalo.”

He helped her down the bus, glancing in approval at her jeans and green top, and red sweater. It should keep her warm, he thought. But still, he hoped she had a proper jacket. His eyes drifted down, and he frowned at her golden belles. They were the most insensible thing to wear in this weather, and for God’s sake, she had worn the same thing in Mt. Abu too… was it made of some kind of everlasting material that never dulled, never tore?

Her voice broke into his thoughts, “kya soch rahe ho kabse?”

He glanced up, “umm… kuch nahi.”

They stood in the long queue for the ropeway, and Sameer stood behind her, making sure they were standing behind everyone else. So, essentially she was trapped between Preeti and Sameer. Soon they were all bundled inside a bright red cable car, and Naina waited with baited breath to feel that one moment when the car would slide off the platform, and the deep valley would be under them… Though she had been on cable car only one before this, at Pavagadh near Baroda, she had totally enjoyed the experience and remembered each moment. The sudden drop, the sensation in her stomach, the lurch of her heart, the brief feeling of vertigo – she loved every bit of it.

When the same thing happened this time, she clutched Sameer’s hand. Concerned he asked, “darr lag raha hai?”

She shook her head, her face pink from excitement as much as from cold, “nahi. Mazaa aa raha hai.”

He chuckled, recalling how many times he had been on this ride, sometimes with his friends, sometimes alone. But never before, had it felt so thrilling, or the views so beautiful. It was as if her presence enhanced everything.

There was a small shop where they descended, and he enquired if someone wanted to eat or drink. However, no one was hungry. The teachers instructed that they had three hours to look around, and then they would go back down to the lakeside. Sameer took them to a round platform like place, and they stood there admiring the majestic views. Luckily, mother nature was on their side today, and the sky was clear, no fog, no mist… and they were granted with a clear view of the faraway icy hills of Nanda  Devi mountain and the Himalayan range. A few clouds did block partial view, but it was nothing compared to what they could see. The snowy white tops glistened in the sunlight, and the light made them squint their eyes.

Sameer took out a set of binoculars from his backpack, held them to his eyes, adjusted the vision and then gave it to Naina, “isse dekho… aur achcha dikhega.”

She eagerly held it to her eyes, but since she was using it for the first time, she couldn’t adjust. He chuckled stepping in behind her, and held the binoculars properly so she could see. Naina exclaimed in delight, “wow! Isme se toh kitna khubsurat dikh raha hai.”

He smiled, “udhar dusri side bhi dekho.”

She lifted her hand, and held on to his wrist, and turned. He shifted too, to adjust according to her position, but suddenly her body brushed against his, and he stilled. Naina also froze, immediately recalling the encounter in the train, where he had held her from behind. Would he do that again? Just like the first time, her legs almost turned to jelly on feeling his warmth, and she was about to collapse on his chest when he gently distanced himself.

Surprised and disappointed she turned to look at him, and her questioning gaze met his glittering ones. He shook his head in a slight no, and looked around, hoping she would understand. She did, and sighed, slightly unsure about these overwhelming responses inside her. They looked at the mountains for some more time, and then he took all of them to the other side from where they could see the whole of Nainital spread out below them. The sight was mesmerizing and Naina felt as if she could stand for hours at end staring at the minuscule houses, faraway glittering lake, the cover of cloud. They took lots of photographs; Sameer and Naina posed amid teasing of their friends, but that didn’t deter them.

Preeti declared that she was hungry again, and they all went in to one of the many shops that stood in circle at the entrance of the view point. One shop advertised hot samosas, so of course the boys immediately wanted to go there. Sameer turned to Naina and asked, “tumko chalega? Ya kuch aur khana hai?”

She smiled, “samosa hi khate hai… garam garam.”

They ordered a plate each, and within five minutes sat munching on the hot delicious samosas, and piping hot tea. Naina suddenly asked, “tum aaj kahan le jaoge mujhe?”

He frowned, “itni saari jagah toh dikha chuka, ab aur kya dekhna hai?”

She looked thoughtful, “umm… tum hostel ke alawa khate kahan the?”

He smiled, “lakeside pe.”

“Walk karne kahan jaate the?”, she prodded.

He laughed, “walk? Naina… main tumhare saath aise ghumta hun iska matlab yeh nahi ke akele bhi ghumta tha.”

She immediately recalled his proud declaration to Munna and Pandit on Mt. Abu trip about walking hand-in-hand with his girlfriend, amidst the mist of Nainital. He had said he did, then why was he saying no. Maybe he didn’t want to share it with her. As everyone happily chattered, she was lost in thoughts debating if she should ask him about that girl. And how?

At around 2pm they started their journey back, and Naina stared outside the glass windows. Sameer noticed her silence and held her hand, wondering what she was thinking. He felt that maybe she was sad because he had said there was no place else where he could take her. When they were nearly down, Sameer noticed the patch of woods that she had pointed at from the bus, and he had promised to take her there. He sighed, thinking that maybe the time had come for the first confession. Tugging her hand to make her look at him, he softly asked, “mere saath ek jagah pe chalogi? Tumko kuch batana hai.”

Naina was perplexed, because earlier he had said that there weren’t any more places to visit for them alone. But still, she nodded, her mood lifting with the prospect of spending some time with him.

Their friends were again interested in boating as it was a beautiful afternoon, but Sameer told them that he was taking Naina with him and would be back before the bus left. Again, just like yesterday he hailed a rickshaw, and they sat in it. Sameer gave instructions, and also guided the rickshaw wala along some narrow lanes.

Unable to resist Naina enquired, “Sameer hum kahan jaa rahe hai?”

He saw the outline of the woods and pointed in that direction, “wahan.”

Naina watched eagerly at the looming woods, and as they drew closer she understood this was the same one to which she had pointed out from the bus. The woods were at higher elevation from the lake, probably even higher than his school. And it was dense, even though it was afternoon; the inside of the woods seemed a little dusky, and misty clouds hung over the tree-tops. There was beauty, but also a certain rustic wilderness that caused a tingle to run up her spine. It seemed like a forbidden place, and for a minute she wondered if she should tell Sameer that she didn’t want to go inside after all.

Sameer helped her down from the rickshaw, again asking the man to wait for them, and then took her hand guiding her inside the woods. Naina looked back for a moment watching the warm bright sunshine under which the rickshaw wala stood, then glanced down at how securely he held her hand, took a deep breath, letting go of all apprehensions, and let him lead her into the dark shadows.

They walked in silence for some time, the only sound of rocks scraping and leaves rustling under their feet. She looked up briefly, finding the tree-tops surrounded with clouds a little eerie, and unknowingly she clutched his hand tighter. Next moment she stumbled on a loose rock as she was not watching the track, and Sameer quickly held her properly, steadying her.

“Sambhalke”, he whispered, and even that gentle whisper seemed to echo around them. She shivered from cold as much as from the irrational fear inside her. It was stupid, she thought. Sameer had brought her here because he had been here, and probably quite often as it was clear from the way he guided her flawlessly. There was nothing to fear. It was after all a few trees and clouds… and he was there with her. But still, she couldn’t do anything about the tremble running down her spine, or the shaky breaths, or the sheen of cold sweat.

Sameer was kneeling in-front of her, trying to check if she had hurt herself, but she gasped when he touched her foot. He glanced up, “sirf dekh raha hun ke chot toh nahi lagi.”

She shook her head, “nahi… main thik hun.”

Still unsure, he traced her foot, “tumhare yeh joote… Naina, yeh iss mausam aur aisi jagah ke liye sahi nahi hai.”

She looked at him scowling up at her, and felt an irresistible urge to touch his hair. Since now there was no risk of someone seeing them like on the view point, she gave in to her urge. Slowly, hesitating only a bit, she threaded her fingers through the silky locks that had attracted her and mesmerized her ever since she had laid her eyes on him. He froze, his eyes suddenly darkening with something that she didn’t know but it made her heart beat faster. After a minute he stood up slowly, his tall frame unwinding in-front of her eyes, until she was forced to remove her hand from the top of his head, and her fingers drifted down his face to his neck, and chest coming to halt over his heart. The heavy beat intrigued her, and with a leap of joy and surprise, she realized that the rhythm matched her own.

He watched the desire and wonder light up her eyes, he watched her lips part and quiver, and he felt his own body tremble. Lost in her, he extended his hands and gripped her waist, pulling her to him. Her fingers clenched on his shirt, and she tilted her head up to look at him. A moment passed and another, his eyes fixed on her face, and he dipped his head inching closer. She shivered as she felt his breath on her skin, and helplessly watched his lips inch closer. Her heart thudded, and she wondered if she could… how would it feel? She didn’t know what she wanted, she only felt, and the feelings were turbulent like the lithe trees shaking in wind and clouded like the mist covering the atmosphere. Unable to bear it, she lowered her head, flinging her arms around him and burying in his chest, seeking protection from the storm inside her, in the arms of the very person who brought on that storm.

Sameer stopped, blinking to clear his vision that had narrowed to her parted pink inviting lips, and gazed down at the shivering girl clinging to him as if he were her lifeline. Realization of what he had been about to do dawned on him, and he closed his eyes in torment, anger and frustration. God… what had he been about to do? Another few seconds and he would have kissed her… Kissed her without waiting for her permission, without her approval, without knowing what she wanted. He shouldn’t have brought her here, the woods were cursed, he knew it… still… because she had asked he had brought her here, and had wanted to lighten his heart by sharing his past. But he could have done an irreversible damage… Cursing himself, he wrapped his arms around her, consoling her.

“Sorry Naina”, he apologized. She held him tighter, still unable to say anything. After few minutes he gently parted from her, and said, “chalo yahan se. Hume yahan aana hi nahi chahiye tha.”

Perplexed at his words, she stood firm, “kya matlab?”

He tried to tug her, “kuch nahi, chalo please.”

She couldn’t hold still when he tugged her, and involuntarily went towards him. But she managed to stop him by wrapping her arms around him, “ruko…  I am sorry main ghabra gai. Please aise mat jao. Baat karo mujhse.”

Stunned, he stopped trying to get her away from the place. Did she think that he wanted to leave because she had backed out from the kiss? He tried to calm himself, organize his thoughts that were jumping around like ping-pong balls. Breathing deeply, he tried to string a few words together, “Naina… main uss baat se naraaz nahi hun. Maafi mujhe maangni chahiye… jo main karne jaa raha tha… sorry… bas uss pal me kuch aur sujha nahi.”

She nodded, still holding onto him, “toh fir baat kya hai batao.”

He sighed, “main tumko yahan kuch batane laaya tha… aur isiliye kyunki tum yahan aana chahti thi. Yeh jagah… main yahan aaya hun bahot baar… lekin iss baar shayad nahi aata.”

She frowned, “school aur hostel ka toh samajh aata hai. Yahan aisi konsi yaad hai?”

He gulped, and then haltingly confessed, “yahan… maine… yahan maine pehli baar cigarette pee thi.”

She gasped, but to his enormous relief she didn’t step away from him. He gathered courage and held her, “mere wahi dost… maine mana kiya tha bahot baar, par fir jab unn logo ne kaha ke main bada ho gaya hun… kab tak har cheez permission leke karunga… main maan gaya… aur fir, koi aisa tha bhi kahan jisko meri fikar ho, ya main kya kar raha hun usse farq pade. He looked around at the trees, “uske baad se silsila chalta raha… kabhi hostel me chupke peete the, kabhi yahan aa jaaya karte the. Isiliye bus me jab tumne pucha maine yahan aane se mana kar diya.”

She could hear the words which explained the bad deed he had done, but she could also hear the pain in his voice which conveyed the need he had always felt for someone whom he could call his own. She had known that coming to Nainital might bring some bad memories for him, but she had not known that the pain went so deep. It made her realize the difference Nanu had brought in his life. But now he was not there, would never be… His mother and brother might form a bond with him, but he would never open up to them like this… He only had her… Realizing the enormity of the situation, she refrained from asking any question, and silently rested her head on his chest, tightening her hold on him.

He stroked her back, still lost in his own gloomy thoughts. She noticed the stiffness in his muscles, the way he didn’t hold her, and tilted her head back to look at him. His brows were furrowed, mouth curved in a frown, and he was staring at the distance as if still recalling some long ago incident. Her eyes moved over his features, the strong column of his throat, the sharp jawline. He had shaved, but still a shadow was already beginning to darken his cheeks. She recalled how she had wanted to touch and feel the texture, and she smiled. Without even thinking twice about what she was doing, she lifted on tip-toes, and softly kissed his jaw.

His entire body jerked, his mouth opened in surprise, eyes wide he looked down at her to find her smiling at him. “Naina…”, he murmured unable to believe that she had just kissed him.

Her smile widened, “I love you Sameer.”

His heart thudded loudly as if it would break through his rib-cage; the words soothed him in contrast to the kiss that had aroused him. He also realized that after hearing his past, she hadn’t questioned him, or judged him. Even though she had been the one who had strongly suggested him to stop smoking, still she had not once said a word against his behavior. Instead she had held him, soothed him, and gave him the freedom to move forward another step in their relationship. Overwhelmed, he cupped her face, and dipped his head holding her gaze. She didn’t look away, or stop him… and he slowly brushed his lips on her forehead, cherishing the beautiful treasure he had found in her.

And as they stood there like that, with her arms around him, and his lips on her forehead, the clouds overhead parted, letting the sunshine penetrate the cold wilderness, bringing warmth to the two souls.

Finally after few minutes they parted, and Sameer smiled, holding her hand and guiding her back outside. Naturally, owing to her insensible shoes, she stumbled again, and he again held her. Irritated and concerned, he asked, “tum yeh joote kyun pehenke aai ho? Nainital ke liye yeh sahi nahi hai. Thand me paanv jam jayenge, aur aise hi slip bhi hoti rahogi.”

She looked away from him, and bit her lip, before slowly admitting, “mere paas aur koi joote nahi hai.”

He was shocked. Did she mean that she had just this one pair of shoes since she was in 11^th standard? How was that possible? Didn’t her family buy things for her? He thought her Chachaji loved her… then how could he not understand that these shoes were not appropriate for cold weather? And forget the appropriateness, but shouldn’t she be given at least two pairs of shoes?

He steadied her properly, “mujhe pata nahi tha. Hum yahan se kharid lenge tumhare liye joote.”

“Nahi”, she immediately objected. When he frowned she explained, “aise achcha nahi lagta Sameer… hum dono… mera matlab… hume pata hai hamara rishta kya hai, par aur kisiko nahi pata. Tum socho agar naye joote kharide toh ghar pe kaise le juangi? Aur agar le gai toh kya bolungi ke kahan se aaye?”

He understood her perspective, but that didn’t mean he liked it. He wanted full rights on her, and it irked him that he couldn’t do something as basic as buying her a pair of shoes that she needed. Their relationship status didn’t matter to him, for him she was his, and he could do anything for her. But he knew her, she wouldn’t agree to it, because she felt that it was not right. He sighed, letting go off the topic, and gestured her to move on. Together they walked out of the woods, to the waiting rickshaw, and boarded again to go by the lakeside.

Sameer kept thinking of everything that had happened in the woods and smiled. But after a moment the smile faded when he recalled that there was still something more that he needed to confess to her. When should he tell her all that? Today? Maybe… but when?

However once they returned, he didn’t get a chance of being alone with her. All the students organized a campfire, and they had a fun time dancing around it, playing games, and skewering bread on sticks to roast them in the fire. It was a fun filled evening, and by the end of it they were all so exhausted that they simply went inside their rooms and dozed off.

Next morning at breakfast JBR told them that the students had a free day today, and they could do whatever they wish, but needed to be back in the lodge before sunset. Ecstatic everyone started to make plans. Sameer wished to be alone with Naina, but didn’t voice it feeling that all their friends might feel bad. Naina however was one step ahead of him, and she talked to Preeti about taking away everyone so she could be with Sameer.

“Kya baat hai”, Preeti teased, “roz akele ghumke bhi man nahi bhar raha.”

Naina smiled, “nahi… par isse bhi zyada badi baat yeh hai ke Nainital me iss tarah wapas aana Sameer ke liye aasan nahi hai. Yeh do din hum ghume zarur, par saath saath uski kuch purani yaadein bhi taaza ho gai, aur unse jude zakham bhi. Isiliye aaj hum kahin nahi jaa rahe toh thoda waqt saath bitana chahti hun. Par sabko bolungi toh woh log chedenge, aur ho sakta hai unko bura lage.”

Preeti nodded, “thike. Tu jijaji ko kisi bahane dining hall se dur le jaa. Main baki sabko le jaati hun.” A plan was made, and Naina hugged Preeti.

Grateful to have her sister’s support, she walked back to the dining hall, and asked Sameer to come with her as JBR was calling them. Perplexed he stood up, “JBR ko humse kya kaam hai?”

Naina took him to the backyard, where there was no JBR, but Preeti waiting for them. She grinned at them, and then winked at her sister, before running away. Sameer stared at the fleeing form in confusion, and asked, “yeh kya chal raha hai Naina?”

She bit her lower lip, and confessed, “umm… woh… mujhe sabke saath nahi jaana tha. Tumhare saath rehna tha, par baki sabko shayad bura lage ya humko chede, isiliye maine aur Preeti ne yeh plan banaya… Preeti unko kahegi ke humko Principal madam aur JBR ke saath kal ke arrangements karne jaana hai, aur woh unn logo ko bahar le jayegi.”

Sameer stood surprised for some time before grinning wide, “wow… tumne toh meri wish puri kardi.”

Hiding behind the lodge, they watched their friends leave, talking nineteen to dozen, and Preeti glanced back for a minute waving at them. Sameer muttered, “saali saahiba ko thank you bolna padega.”

Naina laughed, “bol dena. Filhaal yeh socho ke kahan chale.”

Sameer thought about it – he could take her to the gardens, eateries, maybe a movie and spend a romantic day; or he could take her to his special place and confess what he had decided, taking the risk that she wouldn’t even talk to him after that. The first one was easy and desirable; she wouldn’t even doubt that he was hiding something. But, the second one, even though scary for him, was the right thing to do. So he smiled at her, “ek khaas jagah le chalta hun. Lekin thoda chalna padega wahan tak pahonchne ke liye.”

She nodded, immediately intrigued, “thike… chalte hai. Kuch le jaana hai?”

“Haan, main sab arrange karta hun. Tum 15 minutes me mujhe room ke bahar milo. Aur ho sake toh jeans pehen lena”, he instructed and left.

Fifteen minutes later, Sameer was armed with his backpack, containing water, some snacks and his camera. He found Naina waiting for him, but instead of the jeans he had asked for, she was still wearing the blue floral skirt. Frowning he asked, “jeans nahi pehna?”

She shrugged, “kal raat ko dal gir gai thi uspe, toh dho diya maine subah ko. Abhi tak sukha nahi.” He opened his mouth to say something, but she interrupted him, “aur isse pehle ke tum pucho, mere paas jeans bhi ek hi hai.” She held his hand, pulling him forward, “chalo ab… mujhe tumhari khaas jagah dekhni hai.”

He let her drag him, amazed and stunned. Even though he had known about their family’s financial condition, he had never thought that she would have a dearth of so many things. One jeans? One pair of shoes? He immediately decided that he would shower her with everything that she needed or even didn’t need, after their marriage.

He hailed a rickshaw that took them to a spot a little away from his school, and to her surprise she saw that it was a public park. Looking around she asked, “yeh hai khaas jagah?”

He chuckled, “nahi… yeh nahi. Isse aage. Par wahan rickshaw nahi jaati. Humne chalke jaana padega.”

She nodded and let him hold her hand as they walked. They left the road, and the terrain became bumpy, and after about fifteen minutes they were at a clifftop that overlooked some far away hills.

“Wow”, she breathed, “yeh konsi jagah hai?”

Sameer shrugged, guiding her over to a small platform, with a solitary bench, “har jagah ka naam nahi hota. Ya fir mujhe nahi pata hoga. Main toh bas yahan sukoon ke liye aata tha.”

They sat side-by-side and he placed the backpack on the floor, pulling out the bottle of water and offering it to her. She accepted, the walk had tired her, and the skirt hadn’t helped. The nasty winds had made the material fly, and she was cold. Plus on the way to the cliff, it had caught on some thorny bushes, and Sameer had to patiently remove it for her. Here too the cold mountain air swirled around them, and she wished she had an extra sweater.

“Kaisi lagi yeh jagah?”, he asked.

She smiled, “bahot khubsurat. Tum kaafi baar yahan aate the?”

He nodded, “haan. Yeh meri jagah hai aur main kabhi kisiko yahan nahi leke aaya. Mere dosto ko bhi nahi.”

They sat in silence for some time, and Naina could feel that he wanted to say something. Else he would have talked, or made plans to go somewhere else too. But he didn’t talk… neither did he say that they would go somewhere else. Few minutes later, she placed her hand over his on the bench, and squeezed gently.

He smiled, wondering how she knew that he needed that gentle push to start talking. Coming here had made him remember everything, but it had also given him a strange kind of solace. As if the nature, the winds, everything was telling him that he just needed to pour his heart out and it would be okay. And so without any preliminaries he started talking, “main sirf paanch saal ka tha jab Mummy ne dusri shaadi karli, aur fir kuch dino baad mujhe yahan hostel me leke aaye. Thik se toh kuch yaad nahi, bas itna yaad hai ke main bahot khush tha uss din. Apne mummy aur naye papa ke saath ghumne jaa raha hun sochke. Lekin mujhe kya pata tha ke yeh safar meri zindagi ki baddua ban jayegi. Tum jaanti ho… jab admission ke liye mera test liya na school me maine sab me full marks score kare. Mummy ne khush hoke mujhe gale lagaya aur chocolate di… main kitna khush tha… lekin wahan meri chocolate khatam hui, aur saath hi saath meri khushiyan.”

He squinted his eyes, staring at the faraway hills, “main bahot roya jab woh log jaa rahe the. Naye papa ka haath bhi pakda, lekin unhone mera haath chuda diya aur kaha ke woh mere papa nahi hai. Aur mummy car me bethke chup-chap roti rahi, meri taraf dekha bhi nahi… Uss din se woh mere liye Mr. Somani ban gaye… aur mummy… woh toh mummy hi rahi kyunki ek ummeed thi dil me… ke shayad unhone meri taraf dekha nahi kyunki woh khud ko rok nahi paati.”

Naina inched closer, and he realized that she was trembling. He softly asked, “thand lag rahi hai?” She nodded, and he simply unzipped his jacket, pulling her to him, gathering her inside his jacket. She wrapped her arms around his waist and hummed. He noticed the skirt flying haywire in wind, and clucked his tongue at the inappropriate get-up. Bending slightly he gathered her legs, tucking the skirt properly and lifted her legs on his knees, in a way that she was now sitting sideways, burrowed against his chest.

She shrieked, “kya kar rahe ho?”

“Chup”, he admonished, “kuch nahi kar raha main. Aise bethi rahogi to thand me jam jaogi.” He held her secured with one arm, and used his other hand to rub her shins and foot. He even removed her belles, judging that they were anyways not contributing much in keeping her warm. His big hand spanned her feet, rubbing them, warming them and she almost purred against his chest.

He smiled, and dropped a kiss on her head. She nuzzled against him comfortably, and asked, “fir kya hua?”

He leaned back, feeling slightly better now that he had her in his arms, “fir kya hona tha… main yahan hostel me reh gaya aur mummy saal me kabhi kabhi mujhse milne aati thi. Nanu ko bataya gaya tha ke mujhe discipline problem hai, school me thik se padhta nahi hun, isiliye hostel zyada sahi rahega. Pehle bahot udaas rehta tha, lekin shayad bachche zyada der dukhi nahi reh sakte. Main adjust karne laga. Timetable ke hisaab se nahana, khana, sona… Padhai karta tha to achche marks aate the, aur mummy phone karti thi… fir dhire dhire bada hua toh samajh aaya ke woh rishta kitna matlabi hai. Padhai karo toh achche se baat karenge, warna kosenge… Garmi ki chuttiyo me ghar jao toh har pal Rohan ke saath tulna karna… wahan uss ghar pe mujhe adjust karke chalneka, kyunki Rohan unka rajkumar tha. Fir jab Deepika hui uske baad main kabhi garmi ke chuttiyo me Delhi nahi gaya. Nanu se baat hoti thi, toh wahan chala jaaya karta tha. Yahan ghutan hoti thi, fir bhi har saal lautke aana padta tha… Shayad sab yaadein buri bhi nahi hai… bahot manmaani ki hai maine. Cigarette peena, awaragardi karna, ghumna… Bike stunts karta tha main, kyunki khatre ki kuch padi hi nahi thi mujhe… Jeene ke liye koi tha hi nahi.”

She clutched him tighter at this, and he continued, “fir jab Ahmedabad aaya toh aisa laga ek nayi saans aa gai. Tumko pata hai, Nanu se milne se bhi pehle, main tumse mila tha… Uss din market me jab chewing gum laga tumhare baalo me. Tumko pani-puri khate hue dekhke samajh aaya ke zindagi me shayad choti choti baato pe bhi log khush ho sakte hai. Kismat ne Munna-Pandit jaise do dost bhi diye, aur fir tumse wapas milvaya. Jaane anjaane hamare raste ek hote gaye, aur main bekhabar reh gaya. Badla lene nikla tha uss ladki se jisne mujhe jeena sikha diya. Jis din tum hospital me aake mere saamne tutke ro di, uss din samajh aaya ke tum shart se kab mere jeene ki shart ban gayi mujhe pata hi nahi chala.”

He closed his eyes, “kuch pal ki khushiya naseeb hui aur fir wapas dukh… Nanu chale gaye… aur tum bhi mere paas nahi thi. Main fir akela ho gaya. Firse Delhi ke dal-dal me fas gaya. Aur iss baar dhasta chala gaya.”

She looked up at him, at the tears on his cheeks, and whispered, “matlab?”

He held her tighter, afraid that he might not get to hold her like this again, and told her of the problems he had faced in Delhi with his family. He sighed, “mera akelapan mujhe khane laga… aur main bewakufiyo pe bewakufiyan karta raha. Tumahre pyaar ne mujhe shaant kar diya tha, lekin tumse juda hoke mera gussa firse aape ke bahar ho gaya. Delhi se bhaagke tumse milne aaya, aur tumpe bhi gussa kiya… jalan ho rahi thi mujhe tumhare woh tasveere dekhke. Aisa soch raha tha pata nahi aur kitne ladke tumhari aisi tasveer dekhenge uss photo studio me. Gusse me na tumhe kuch samjha saka, aur naa kuch sahi faisla le saka. Jab Delhi wapas aaya toh bharat bandh me fas gaya, aur fir woh log mile…”

“Kaun?”, she asked.

He shrugged, still keeping his eyes closed, afraid of seeing the disappointment on her face, “the kuch ladke. Bikes leke mujhe pareshan kar rahe the. Lekin maine ek chota sa stunt dikhaya aur woh log itne impress ho gaye ke mujhse dosti karli. Mujhe kya pata tha ke unki dosti mere liye itni galat saabit hogi.”

“Naina…”, his voice cracked with pain and tears, “maine tumse kiye hue saare wade tod diye. Woh gulab ka paudha jo hamare pyaar ki nishani thi usko murjhane diya… firse cigarette pee… taash khela, lekin paiso ke saath kyunki unn logo ne wahi sikhaya… market me unn logo ne do ladkiyo ko cheda, par maine unko maarne ke jagah, unke liye maar-pitai ki auro se. Kyunki main isi veham me tha ke woh mere dost hai… fir Munna aur Pandit aaye… uss din sharab peene ka plan tha… aur… ummm… movie dekhne ka plan tha… lekin Munna ne khichke mere gaal me ek thappad maara. Aur Pandit ne mujhe tumhara bheja hua gulab diya tab jaake samajh aaya ke main kis andhere raaste pe chal pada tha.”

“I am sorry Naina”, he apologized profusely, “mujhe pata hai ke yeh kaafi nahi hai… par tum jo sazaa dogi mujhe manzoor hai, bas please… please mujhe chodke mat jaana. Tum jo bologi main woh karunga. Please mujhe chodke mat jao.”

She pulled back her legs from his hold, and straightened. He wanted to clutch her, but dispiritedly let his arms fall away, sobbing at the loss he was about to bear. There was nothing left… nothing… He had destroyed everything.

Naina watched him cry like a child, her heart wrenching in pain at what he had gone through. How could one person bear all these things and still be as humane as he was. At such a tender age his only family had abandoned him, he had grown up without any emotional support. Who had hugged him when he had cried? Who had taken care of him when he had fallen ill? Who had cheered for him in his cricket matches? Who had scolded him when he had done something wrong? Who had taught him the sense of right and wrong? No one… there had been no one for him… If there was ever an example of self-made man, it was right in-front of her eyes. It was him. He had grown up and learnt alone… She was surprised that despite such a harsh childhood, he still had such a strong sense about friendship. Even when he had been with her for bet, he hadn’t tried to hurt her even once. Unknowingly he had protected her, made her happy, and that was because he was like that… He had faced darkness and still attempted to brighten up other people’s lives. And now… he had told his whole truth to her. He hadn’t needed to. She wouldn’t have found out in any way. But he had told her. And now he was crying and pleading to her to not leave him, yet he was not trying to hold her as if he had accepted that this was his punishment. A lifetime of loneliness was what he was waiting for…

Trying to control her own tears unsuccessfully, she cupped his face, wiping his tears. He gasped, his eyes flowing open in surprise at her touch. He saw her near him, she was touching him, and she was crying… Was it a dream? In a trance, he lifted his own hand to wipe her tears and found that she was really there… it wasn’t a dream.

She pulled his face down and kissed his forehead, his eyes closed again at the first brush of her soft lips. He shuddered as she traced to his cheeks, kissing away the fresh tears, and then slowly murmured the words that breathed life into his being, “main tumhe chodke kahin nahi jaa rahi… Kabhi nahi jaungi… I love you Sameer… aur mere pyaar me koi shart nahi hai. Maine tumse pyaar kiya hai… tum jaise bhi ho, jo bhi ho… maine kabhi nahi kaha tumko badalneko… par tum badle, mere liye, mere pyaar ke liye… Agar kuch din bhatak gaye toh iska matlab yeh nahi ke main tumse alag ho jaungi. Uss dauran sirf tum nahi, main bhi toh bhatki thi na… Padhai me dhyan nahi diya aur fail ho gai… Toh kya tum mujhe chodke chale gaye yeh kehke ke main topper nahi rahi ab? Maine bhi galti ki jab apne parivaar ke liye tumse alag hui, aur usse bhi badi galti ki Sharad ke rishta jodke, par kya tumne mujhe chod diya? Nahi… Tum date rahe… mujhe apne pyaar ka ehsaas dilate rahe… mere liye duniya se ladte rahe… Toh fir tum aisa kaise soch sakte ho ke yeh sab sunne ke baad main tumhe chod dungi. Dil se bhala dhadkan ko alag hote hue dekha hai kabhi?”

Her words soaked into his soul, freeing him from the burden of guilt, and he opened his eyes staring at her beautiful face. Her lips were wet from his tears, her cheeks wet from her own, and her eyes were slightly red because she had cried, yet she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Her hands that were cupping his face slowly wound around his neck, and she pulled him to her. Surprised, he held her, and gazed into his eyes, only to find an acceptance that he had yearned for all his life. There was no judgement, no questions, nothing except love that shone brightly for him. This time when he leaned forward she didn’t look away. This time when his breath fanned her skin she didn’t pull back, but rather closed her eyes and parted her lips. Heart beating wildly at this precious blessing that she was showering on him, he took what she offered. His lips brushed slowly against hers, once, twice, thrice… and he pulled back to look at her face. But she whimpered, applying pressure on his nape, demanding more, and with a soft groan he opened his mouth, tasting her lips one by one, taking in the salt of his tears from her lips. His mouth molded hers, his tongue teasing the seam of her lips, seeking an opening. She trembled in his arms and with another soft whimper sank against him, opening to him, allowing him the entrance he demanded… and he took… His tongue slipped inside, in a bold intimate caress that made her moan. He fisted one hand in her hair, tilting her head to one side, deepening the kiss with a kind of bold male dominance that left her breathless. She felt his strong arms around her, his clean warm scent enveloped her; she was no longer cold, her body at a feverish pitch and her fingers tangled in his hair as she welcomed his conquest with gentle touches of her own tongue. He groaned and clutched her even tighter, before slowly softening the kiss. He kissed the corners of her mouth, teased her lower lip, peppered kisses on her face and then pulled her to him, burying his face in her hair, breathing heavily. She gasped for breath, nestling in his warmth, nothing in her life in that moment except him.

“I love you, he murmured, and pulled back to check if she was okay. Her hair was messed as much from the wind as from his hands, her lips slightly swollen, her cheeks flushed from cold or maybe from the lack of breath – she looked breathtakingly beautiful… and she was his… The possessiveness that swept over him, shook him, and he demanded more from her. He cupped her face with one hand and roughly spoke, “ab itna bharosa kiya hai toh thoda aur karlo. Main samajhta hun ke tumhare gharwalo ne kyun tumhe naye kapde ya joote nahi dilaye honge… tumne maange hi nahi honge… lekin mera toh haq banta hai na Naina… Tum maango nahi toh bhi… Yaad hai tumne kitne haq se mujhse gift maanga tha phone pe trip pe aane se pehle? Aur main laaya bhi hun… tumhare liye ek top laaya hun… Lekin main tumahare liye ek jeans aur ek jodi joote kharidna chahta hun… yeh skirts aur belles yahan ke mausam ke liye thik nahi hai… Tum chaho toh yahan se jaane se pehle hum woh kharidi hui cheezein yahan kisi church me daan kar denge… par please kharidne do… itna sa haq de do.”

She looked at him, touched by his concern, and realized that more than her need for clothes, he needed it… that feeling of having full right over someone to call his own… that feeling of being special to someone. She smiled, “hai haq… pura haq hai… bolo kab le jaa rahe ho shopping karwane?”

He grinned and pulled her to him, hugging her again. She leaned against him, and wanted to clear a small doubt, his past didn’t matter to her, but still she needed to know this one last thing. Afraid to spoil the beautiful moment they had just shared, she slowly asked, “Sameer… ek baat puchu?”

He drew back, “haan pucho na.”

She bit her lip and then asked, “woh ladki ka naam kya tha?”

He frowned, “konsi ladki? Uss group me toh saare ladke the.”

She shook her head, “nahi… Delhi wala group nahi. Nainital wali ladki… jisne tumko woh mouth-organ diya tha.”

His confusion increased, “Naina… mere paas ek hi mouth-organ hai aur woh maine church ke saamne se Christmas pe kharida tha, jab main 8^th standard me tha. Mujhe koi ladki gift kyun degi? Aaj tak sirf tumne hi diya hai… pehle baalo ka clip aur fir sweater.”

She hit his arm for reminding about the hair clip, and then frowned, “matlab… tumne Munna aur Pandit ko jhooth bola tha Mt. Abu ke trip pe?”

He stared at her as if she had spouted horns, “konsa jhooth?”

Irritated, she clutched his arms, “yahin ke tumko tumhari girlfriend ne woh mouth-organ diya tha aur tum uske saath Nainital ke waadiyo me haatho me haath daale ghumte the… sach hai ke nahi?”

Surprised he gazed at her for a few moments, before laughing aloud, “hey bhagwaan… woh tumne suna tha?”

She frowned angrily, and muttered, “haan… haslo achche se… tum mujhse pyaar nahi karte the, par main toh karti thi na… mujhe bura laga tha.”

That sobered him down, “I am sorry… abhi hasne ke liye bhi, aur uss din ke liye bhi… Par Naina uss waqt bhi tum mujhko sabse achche se jaanti thi… fir tumne socha kaise ke meri koi girlfriend thi?”

She countered immediately, “kyun nahi ho sakti? Ameer ho, handsome ho… Ladkiya toh marti hogi… hamare school me bhi toh Kamya…”, she trailed off remembering that Kamya was her friend now.

He nodded, “haan… ladkiya toh saari marti thi… lekin tumne mujhe kab kisiki aur dekhte hue dekha?  Meri nazre toh hamesha tumse hi mili hai… shart ke pehle bhi aur uske baad bhi… Aur tum mujhse pyaar karti thi toh itna haq jatati aur puch leti tabhi… main tumse toh sab sach keh deta. Munna aur Pandit ko toh aise hi hawa me uda raha tha, par tumse jhooth nahi bolta.”

She thought about what he said, and a smile bloomed on her face, her heart finally at peace. Unable to resist she kissed him on his cheek and he grinned, pulling her back to him, and kissing her softly. The strong elemental force of love had made him let go of his painful memories, and made her let go of her inhibitions. As the afternoon sun shone brightly upon them dissipating some of the cold, mutual sighs of pleasure floated in the air, the pure whispers of two souls completing each other, healing each other.